)  \ 


i    / 


^'y, 

r"';'^ 


ILII^^    -^^    S64  1849 
smith.  E.  Goodrich  1802. 

He|^oir  Of  Charles  Henry 


./; 


^^ 


/f-i  4■^yV^/' 


MEMOIR/^:^^^^^^ 


// 


OCT  2  9  1927 


CHARLES  HENRY  TORTER, 


A   STUDENT   IN   THEOLOGY. 


BY  E.  aOODEICH  SMITH. 


"Eiglit  years  before  I  can  become  a  minieter !     But  I  tliank  the  liOrd,  I 
e-an  do  something  for  Mra  in  that  time." — Page  14 


PUBLISHED    BY    THE 

AMEUICAN    TRACT    SOCIETY, 

150   NASSAU-STREET,    NEW   YORK. 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1849,  by  O.  R.  Kings 
BURY,  in  the  Cleric's  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  United  States  for  th« 
Southern  District  of  New  York. 

Right  of  publisMng  transferred  to  the  American  Tract  Society. 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 

EARLY  LIFE  TILL  COMMENCmO  STUDY. 

Early  years— -Conversion — Desire  to  become  a  minister — 
Course  of  life  while  in  business — Sabbath-school  labors — 
Difficulties  in  his  way  to  the  ministry — His  own  record  of 
his  exercises — Days  of  fasting  and  prayer— His  decision — 
Various  trials — Growth  in  grace — Humility — Struggles 
against  spiritual  pride — Fair  prospects  abandoned,       .     7 


CHAPTER  II. 

PREPARATION  FOR  COLLEGE. 

Visit  at  Norwich — Christian  activity — Return  to  New  York- 
Views  of  the  ministry — Prayer  and  study — Tenderness  of 
conscience — Sabbath  labors — Instances  of  faithfulness  and 
humility — Aspirations  after  holiness — Leaves  New  York 
for  Westfield. 22 

CHAPTER  III. 

STUDIES  AT  WESTFIELD. 

Puesolution — Prayer  answered — Christian  labors — A  medita- 
tion  on   God's  works — Joy  in  the  Lord — Watchiiig  for 


4  CONTENTS. 

Bouls — Zeal  for  Christ — Christian  humility — Anxiety  for 
friends — Home  missions — Kindness  to  the  afflicted — Visits 
to  Norwich  and  Springfield — Meekness  imder  reproof — 
Transition  to  college  life, 32 

CHAPTER  rV. 

FmST  TWO  YEARS  IN  COLLEGE. 

College  life — Sabbath-school  instruction — Perseverance  in 
prayer — Missionary  spirit — Thoughts  on  spring  showers — 
Spring  vacation — Letter  to  his  father — Birthday  thoughts 
— Second  year  in  college — Purpose  to  become  a  mis- 
Bionary — Delight  in  God's  word,  and  in  prayer — Worldly 
honors — Revival  in  New  Haven — Annual  fast  for  col- 
leges,      46 

CHAPTER  V. 

EFFORTS  TO  DO  GOOD. 

Pecuniary  embarrassments — Advantages  of  poverty — Letter 

to  hia  friend  Mr.  D of  N.  Y. — Devotional  records — 

Ellbrts  to  do  good — Another  letter  to  Mr.  D. — Religious 
labors  in  Terr>-sville — A  shower  of  divine  grace — Interest- 
ing particulars — Rules  of  action — Letter  to  his  mother — 
Love  for  souls, CO 

CHAPTER  VI. 

JUNIOR  YEAR  IN  COLLEGE. 

Desire  to  be  laboring  for  Christ— Interest  in  Canada  missions 
— A  Christian  must  not  be  discouraged — Christian  eftbrts 
and  Htu.ly— Day  of  prayer  for  colleges— Visit  to  West- 
villc — Resolution — Labors  at  Himiphreysville — At  Terrys- 


CONTENTS.  5 

ville — At  Norwich — Summer  term  at  college — Interest  in 
the  Sabbath-school — Labors  of  love — Is  chosen  a  leader  in 
the  college  church — Trial  of  faith — Meditation  on  death — 
Excursion  for  health — Letter  to  a  friend — Preparation  for 
the  coming  year — Labors  at  Willimantic,      ....     78 

CHAPTER  \^I. 

SENIOR  YEAE  IN  COLLEaE. 

Joy  in  God — Christ's  kingdom  endless — Self-renunciation — 
Letter  to  his  sister — Desire  to  become  a  missionary — Letter 
to  liis  friend  in  New  York — Letter  from  Northfield  in  the 
winter  vacation — Efforts  at  West  Haven — A  fellow-stu- 
dent drowned — Revival  in  College — His  deep  interest  in  the 
work  of  grace — ^Visit  to  Terrysville — Vacation  at  West- 
field — Letter  to  his  mother — Revival  at  Westfield — His 
dealing  with  sinners — Prayers  for  unconverted  friends — 
Vacation  at  Norwich  and  Bozrahville — Close  of  college 
course, 95 

CHAPTER  VIII. 

VISIT  TO  CANADA— LIFE  IN  THE  SEMINARY. 

Missionary  labors  in  Canada — Sabbath-keeping  rewarded — 
Description  of  the  field — Encouraging  success — Instances  of 
conversion — Enters  the  Seminary — Labors  at  North  Haven 
— Letter  of  Rev.  Leverett  Griggs — Labors  at  Wallingford — 
Letter  to  a  sick  friend — ^Yearnings  for  the  work  of  the 
ministry — Letters  to  friends — Consolation  to  the  afflicted—- 
Labors  in  New  Britain — Letters  to  his  father — Growth  in 
grace — Efforts  in  Hartford  and  New  Haven — Letter  to  his 
mother — Proposes  to  go  to  Iowa — License  to  preach — 
Sense  of  Responsibility — Preaches  in  Terrysville — Relig- 
ious interest — Visit  to  Syracuse, 117 


6  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  IX. 

THE  CLOSINa  SCENE. 

Returns  to  New  York — Summoned  to  New  Haven  by  the 
sickness  of  friends — Is  taken  sick  himself — Particulars  of 
his  illness — Passes  from  an  earthly  to  a  heavenly  Sabbath— 
Another  accoimt  of  his  last  days — Resignation — Concern 
for  his  relatives — Love  to  Christ — Visit  of  Rev.  Mr.  Lud- 
low— Peace  in  death — Obituary  notice, 153 


MEMOIE 


CHARLES  HENRY  PORTER. 


CHAPTER  I. 

MR.   PORTER'S  EARLY  LIFE. 

The  grace  of  God  sometimes  makes  of  a  common, 
man  an  uncommon  Christian.  Thus  it  was  with  the 
subject  of  this  sketch.  Charles  Henry  Porter  was 
bom  at  Norwich,  Connecticut,  August  8,  1811.  He 
was  not  the  child  of  pious  parents,  enjoyed  no  un- 
common early  advantages,  and  nothing  in  his  child- 
hood encouraged  the  hope  that  he  would  become 
either  pious  or  useful  in  after-life.  And  yet  God  was 
pleased  to  call  him  into  his  kingdom,  and  to  bless 
him  with  large  measures  of  grace  and  usefulness. 
Though  his  Christian  course  was  short,  the  Saviour 
made  him  the  happy  instrument  of  guiding  many  to 
his  fold. 

He  was  a  lad  of  energetic  character,  fond  of  active 
sports,  but  averse  to  books,  and  wholly  heedless  of 
religion.  Though  an  elder  brother  was  receivmg  a 
collegiate  education,  his  own  great  dislike  to  study 


8  CHARLES   H.   PORTER. 

made  him  reject  every  proposal  to  become  a  student  ; 
and  lie  ^vas  permitted,  at  the  age  of  fifteen,  to  enter 
into  mercantile  life,  in  the  city  of  New  York.  Here 
he  remained  until  November,  1828,  when  Providence 
thwarted  liis  plans,  and  led  him  from  the  tempta- 
tions of  tlie  city  back  to  his  native  place,  where  he 
was  employed  in  a  store.  It  was  here  the  Holy  Spirit 
met  him,  and  by  his  renewing  influences  changed  the 
current  of  liis  life. 

In  August,  1829,  a  revival  of  miusual  power  began 
in  Norwich,  and  soon  spread  mto  aU  the  churches. 
A  cousin  of  Mr.  Porter,  smce  deceased,  was  one  of 
the  earliest  converts,  and  felt  deeply  interested  for  his 
spiritual  welfare.  She  often  made  him  the  subject 
of  prayer,  and  in  her  frequent  visits  to  his  father's 
family,  improved  every  opportunity  to  warn  him 
faithfidly  of  his  danger,  and  entreat  him  to  tliink  of 
tlie  concerns  of  his  soul.  Her  affectionate  persuasion 
induced  him  to  attend  some  of  the  evening  meetings. 
His  first  serious  thoughts  on  the  subject  of  rehgion 
were  in  a  Methodist  meeting  at  Norwich  Falls. 
Before  this  he  had  been  so  careless,  that  though  he 
had  sat  in  the  house  of  God  Sabbath  after  Sabbath 
all  his  life,  he  could  not  recoUect  ever  to  have  been 
in  the  least  degree  alarmed  respectmg  Ins  spiritual 
state,  or  even  to  have  had  one  serious  thought.  "  In 
lact,"  said  he,  "  I  had  few  ideas  on  any  subject,  as  I 
tliought  of  little  except  sport  and  play." 


EARLY  LIFE.  9 

We  have  no  record  of  the  particular  form  and 
progress  of  his  convictions,  but  his  alarm  and  dis- 
tress were  evidently  deep  and  pungent.  These  con- 
victions, strengthened  by  the  sudden  death  of  a 
brother  in  September,  continued  till  November,  when 
he  found  peace.  Listening  to  an  impressive  and 
faitliful  sermon  by  the  Rev.  Mr.  Mitchell  of  Nor- 
wich, his  sense  of  sin  and  of  God's  justice  in  pun- 
ishing it  was  so  great  that  he  trembled  on  his  seat ; 
and  while  crossing  the  plain  on  his  way  home,  he 
believed  he  gave  his  heart  to  God.  Early  the  next 
morning  he  went  to  tell  liis  cousui  what  God  had 
done  for  him.  From  her  account,  his  views  of  the 
character  of  God  and  the  way  of  salvation  by  Christ 
were  just  and  clear ;  and  his  joy  and  peace  in  be- 
Heving,  and  his  humble  gratitude  to  his  Saviour  for 
his  distmguishing  mercy,  unusually  great. 

He  at  once  took  a  decided  stand  on  the  side  of 
Christ ;  and  even  then  it  was  his  earnest  wish  to 
prepare  for  the  muiistry,  and  devote  his  life  to  preach- 
ing the  gospel.  In  tliis,  however,  he  encountered 
the  opposition  of  friends,  and  for  a  time  yielded  to 
their  objections — needing,  perhaps,  further  discipline 
in  the  Christian  life,  to  fit  him  for  study  in  reference 
to  the  sacred  office.  So  decided  a  change,  from  aver- 
sion to  books  to  an  immediate  desire  to  study,  and 
the  forming  of  plans  so  contrary  to  all  his  former 
habits  of  life,  afford  striking  proof  of  the  powerful 


10  CHARLES   H.   PORTER. 

working  of  tlie  Holy  Spirit  in  his  heart.  "  Old  things 
had  passed  away  ;  all  things  had  become  new." 

Mr.  Porter  was  alarmed  by  the  fact  that  Chris- 
tians often  decline  hi  warm  and  hvely  piety,  and 
grow  cold  m  the  love  and  service  of  their  Saviour ; 
and  he  solemnly  determuied  that,  if  it  were  possi- 
ble, he  would  always  live  near  to  God,  and  be  de- 
voted to  the  service  of  Christ.  As  one  of  his  friends 
remarks,  he  seemed  from  the  first  determhied  to  be 
an  uncommon  Cliristian. 

"He  united  -wdth  the  church  in  Norwich  on  the  7th 
of  March,  1830.  Here  he  continued  till  August, 
when  he  went  to  Zanesville,  Ohio  ;  but  liis  plans  not 
being  successful,  he  returned  early  the  next  summer, 
and  ui  the  latter  part  of  the  season  w^ent  once  more 
to  New  York.  He  was  successively  employed  m  two 
or  three  mercantile  houses,  and  having  secured  the 
approbation  of  those  in  whose  service  he  was  en- 
gaged, his  worldly  prospects  became  flattering.  This 
was  a  most  important  period  in  liis  life.  In  that 
great  mart  of  business  there  was  much  to  allure  the 
youthful  Christian  from  duty.  But  upon  the  busy 
world  with  wliich  he  was  associated — occupied  too 
generally  with  toils  and  pleasures — he  looked  with 
the  sympatliies  of  a  follower  of  Him  who  came  to  seek 
and  save  the  lost.  He  engaged  at  once  in  Christian 
labors,  especially  in  the  Sabbath-school,  where  he  im- 
mediately secured  the  love  of  both  teachers  and  pupils. 


EARLY  LIFE.  H 

A  fellow-teacher,  after  alluding  to  his  faithfulness 
and  the  fitness  of  his  counsels,  remarks,  "  I  called 
for  him  one  Sabhath  morning,  to  accompany  me  to 
church,  a  little  before  the  time  of  pubHc  service. 
*  Come,'  said  he,  '  go  up  to  my  room.'  I  went,  and 
having  closed  the  door,  he  said,  *  Now,  let  us  pray.' 
"We  knelt  together,  and  he  invoked  God's  blessing  on 
us  and  the  whole  church  of  Christ,  not  forgettmg 
those  who  were  out  of  the  ark  of  safety."  "  He  was 
very  faithful,"  says  this  teacher,  "with  our  Sabbath- 
school  children  in  our  children's  meetings,  and  al- 
ways spoke  of  the  Sabbath-school  as  his  home." 

Mr.  D ,  another  fellow-laborer,  his  warm  friend 

and  constant  benefactor,  after  mentioning  his  punc- 
tual attendance  at  the  school  and  the  prayer-meet- 
ings, on  the  Sabbath  and  during  the  week,  adds, 
"  In  all  Sunday-school  labors,  Charles  was  untiring, 
affectionate,  interested,  and  prayerful.  His  pleadings 
with  the  impenitent  were  characterized  by  the  ut- 
most kindness  and  affection.  They  loved  him  for 
liis  faitlifulness  to  their  souls.  He  had  their  confi- 
dence. He  would  sit  down  hfam  impenitent  youth, 
and  gain  a  nearer  access  to  his  heart  than  any  teacher 
in  the  school,  or  any  person  I  ever  knew.  Often  did 
he  bring  tears  into  the  eyes  of  members  of  my  class, 
as  he  would  seize  on  the  moment  when  they  were 
disengaged,  to  talk  with  them  of  Christ  and  the  value 
of  the  soul." 


12  CHARLES   H.   PORTER. 

Tills  training  iii  Sabbath-school  instruction  and 
active  exertion  for  the  souls  of  men,  was  a  good 
preparation  for  the  higher  sphere  to  which  he  was 
still  looldng.  A  life  of  business  in  a  great  city  al- 
ways has  its  temptations,  and  the  more  one  can  break 
away  from  these  bonds  and  engage  in  domg  good,  the 
more  may  he  hope  to  preserve  his  soul  unspotted 
from  the  world,  and  fasten  his  heart  on  God. 

Mr.  Porter's  prospects  for  business  were  fair ;  but, 
urged  by  his  desire  to  devote  himself  to  the  ministry, 
he  resolved  to  leave  these  scenes  of  commercial  life, 
and  engage  in  studies  preparatory  for  college.  "  To 
preach  the  gospel  was  the  first  expressed  wish  of  his 
heart  after  his  conversion.  That  it  should  ever  be 
gratified  was  the  most  unhkely  tiling  that  could  be 
imagined.  His  aversion  to  study,  his  constitutional 
activity  unfitting  liimfor  sedentary  habits,  and  the  un- 
reflectmg  character  of  his  mind,  were  all  unfavorable. 
And  it  was  not  till  after  a  struggle  of  three  years,  that 
he  decided  to  gratify  this  first  desire  of  his  heart." 

He  had  other  difficulties  also  to  contend  with. 
How  was  he  to  obtain  a  support  ?  He  could  expect 
no  miracle  to  supply  his  wants.  His  family  were 
unable  to  aid  him,  and  he  knew  not  whence  the 
required  means  might  come.  The  Lord  led  him  on  ; 
Jiis  kind  providence  removed  the  difficulties,  sup- 
])lied  his  necessities,  and  blessed  his  efforts.  To  him 
be  all  the  glory. 


EARLY  LIFE.  13 

But  we  turn  now  to  his  own  account  of  the  matter 
in  his  diary,  by  which  we  shall  hereafter  be  giiided 
in  tracing  his  course  as  a  Christian,  a  student,  and  a 
minister  of  Christ.  These  extracts  should  be  read 
as  the  writings  of  a  simple-hearted  cliild  of  God, 
penned  without  care — a  sort  of  memoranda  only,  not 
designed  for  the  eye  of  others — to  refresh  his  own 
mind  and  invigorate  his  feelings  after  the  toils  of  the 
day.  Faintly  traced,  as  some  of  them  are  by  the 
pencil,  nearly  effaced,  as  they  have  been  m  some 
places  by  the  fallen  tear,  they  are  yet  indelible  in 
the  mfluence  they  have  exerted  on  his  heart  and 
life.  God  grant  they  may  be  so  for  good  to  many 
who  read  them  in  these  pages.  Mr.  Porter  thus 
commences  his  diary : 

"  The  subject  of  studying  for  tHe  ministry  having 
had  deep  hold  of  my  feehngs  for  days,  and  I  may 
say  for  weeks,  and  having  prayed  and  mourned  and 
wept  over  it  to  learn  my  duty,  I  finally  concluded  to 
set  apart  this  27th  day  of  May,  1833,  as  one  of  fast- 
ing, humiliation,  and  prayer,  to  implore  the  divine 
direction  and  assistance." 

He  then  speaks  of  his  disappointment  in  the  early 
part  of  the  day,  in  not  having  found  as  much  enjoy- 
ment as  he  expected,  and  laments  the  deep  depravity 
of  his  heart.     But  in  the  evening  he  says, 

*'  The  Lord  has  heard  my  cry,  and  helped  me 
abundantly.     I  think  I  can  see  pretty  clearly  my 


14  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

duty  to  become  a  minister  of  Christ.  There  are 
many  difficulties  to  encounter,  but  may  the  Lord 
give  me  grace  to  overcome  them  all.  Feel  a  little 
fearful  lest  I  may  have  formed  my  opinion  too  hastily, 
or  from  some  other  motive  than  the  glory  of  God. 

0  for  grace  to  assist  me  in  this  mighty  work.  Eight 
years  before  I  can  become  a  minister  I  But  I  thank 
the  Lord  that  I  can  do  something  for  him  in  that 
time." 

"May  28. — Listead  of  feeling  sorry  that  I  have 
made  up  my  mind  to  study  for  the  ministry,  I  am 
glad.  0  let  me  not  suffer  my  thoughts  to  turn  back  ; 
for  if  my  eyes  turn  from  the  Sun  of  righteousness,  all 
becomes  dark,  and  the  duty  which  lies  before  me 
looks  as  if  it  could  never  be  accomphshed  ;  but  when 

1  look  to  Christ  it  is  all  bright  and  glorious." 

*'  May  30. — Have  had  a  most  refreshing  season. 
It  seems  as  if  Christ  was  more  precious  to  me  than 
ever.  I  felt  great  brokenness  of  heart,  and  wept ; 
never  had  such  a  thirst  for  the  ministry :  it  seems  as 
if  I  could  not  be  denied.  Lord,  open  the  way,  if  it 
is  tliy  will ;  give  me  strength,  humility,  and  perse- 
verance to  accomplish  the  object." 

The  same  earnest  desire  is  frequently  mentioned 
in  the  days  immediately  following ;  and  above  all,  he 
prayed  that  God  would  give  him  a  very  humble 
opinion  of  himself,  and  bring  him  nearer  to  the  feet  of 
his  Redeemer. 


EARLY  LIFE.  15 

"We  next  find  him  inquiring  for  some  place  where 
he  might  commence  his  studies.  In  relation  to  this 
question,  he  remarks,  "  Finally,  cast  all  my  cares  on 
God,  and  he  heard  my  cry  and  sent  peace  into  my 
soul,  so  that  I  was  enabled  to  leave  all  with  him. 
I  felt  sweetly  resigned  to  his  will — ^to  go  anywhere, 
or  do  any  thing,  that  his  name  might  he  glorified — 
desired  to  have  no  will  but  his." 

His  parents  had  arrived  in  New  York,  but  know- 
ing that  their  views  did  not  agree  with  his,  he  did 
not  mention  to  them  his  intention  of  studying  for  the 
ministry,  "  fearing  that  it  would  spoil  their  visit." 
This  expression  evinces  a  truly  delicate  regard  to  the 
feelings  of  others.  But  it  Avas  a  severe  trial  of  his 
awn  feelmgs,  not  to  be  able  to  open  his  heart  to  a 
beloved  father  and  mother.  Could  he  have  poured 
out  the  warm  promptings  of  his  soul  into  their  bo- 
soms, and  found  a  kindred  feeling  there,  he  would  no 
doubt  have  pressed  on  his  way  with  a  lighter  step, 
and  felt  the  path  before  him  to  be  comparatively 
easy. 

An  incident  mentioned  in  his  record  of  June  8th — - 
another  day  devoted  to  fasting  and  prayer  with  ref- 
erence to  the  object  that  lay  so  near  his  heart- 
exhibits  the  manner  in  which  he  sought  to  turn  even 
the  most  trivial  matters  to  the  increase  of  his  own 
spirituality.  He  says,  "  Saw  some  delicacies  on  the 
t*ble,  but  rejoiced  to  let  them  alone  and  crucify  the 


16  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

flesh,  that  I  might  have  more  of  the  spirit  of  Christ ; 
found  it  very  useful,  and  enjoyed  an  imusual  degree 
of  spiritual  life." 

"  June  9. — Met  a  friend  who  is  now  studying  for 
the  ministry :  told  him  of  my  intention.     He  said, 

*  Count  the  cost.'  I  told  him  I  trusted  I  had  ;  and 
he  replied, '  Count  it  over  again.'     My  heart  replied, 

*  Yes,  willingly  will  I  count  it  over  again.'  The  sac- 
rifices I  am  obliged  to  make,  and  the  difiiculties  I 
encomiter,  will  only  tend,  I  trust,  to  my  growth  in 
grace,  and  bring  me  out  as  gold  that  has  been  tried 
in  the  fire." 

One  of  his  great  trials,  as  we  have  seen,  was  how 
to  meet  the  expense  of  his  education.  He  cast  him- 
self on  the  Lord,  and  was  not  disappointed.  Thus 
he  mentions,  the  next  day,  that  God  had  "  opened  a 
way ' '  to  have  his  tuition  ' '  gratuitous . "  He  expresses 
some  fears  with  regard  to  his  health,  but  again  com- 
mits all  to  his  heavenly  Father.  He  also  mentions 
the  fact  that  he  "  could  not  study,"  and  remarks, 
"  When  I  look  at  what  must  be  done  before  I  can 
preach,  it  makes  me  shudder."  The  same  day,  on 
beginning  his  Latin  grammar,  he  writes,  "  Began, 
before  opening  the  book  for  study,  by  asking  God  to 
assist  me  in  the  arduous  work." 

Another  difficulty  arose  from  his  debts.  These, 
though  small,  he  would  have  no  means  of  paying 
after  leaving  business.     On  this  subject  he  writes, 


EARLY  LIFE.  17 

"June  12. — The  Lord  has  done  wonders  for  me 
to-day.     The  way  seems  to  open  as  I  advance.     My 

dear  brother  T says  he  will  see  that  my  board 

is  provided  for,  and  my  debts  taken  care  of;  and  my 
employer  says  he  will  relinquish  all  claim  to  my 
staying  with  him  :  so  it  seems  as  if  there  was  noth- 
ing to  do  but  to  go  forward,  trusting  in  the  Lord 
for  health  and  strength,  grace  and  perseverance." 

He  also  says,  "  After  our  clerks  learned  my  inten- 
tion of  studying  for  the  ministry,  they  thought  I 
missed  it  very  much  :  it  was  a  great  pity  that  after 
five  or  six  years'  preparation  for  business,  I  should 
break  off.  But  so  much  the  more  reason  have  I  to 
be  thankful  to  God  for  opening  the  way.  Most  of 
the  young  men  who  are  engaged  in  business,  arc 
unwilling  to  give  it  up  and  labor  for  the  Lord  ;  there- 
fore the  work  needs  every  one  whom  God  has  in- 
clined to  serve  him." 

Speaking  of  a  pubUc  occasion  on  which  crowds 
were  gathered  in  Broadway,  he  adds,  "  Felt  as  if  I 
was  spending  the  Lord's  time  unprofitably,  and  re- 
tired for  prayer.  Let  the  world  with  all  its  pleasures 
pass  onward,  but  give  me  Christ." 

Mr.  Porter's  diary  everywhere  indicates  a  con- 
scientious purpose  to  *'  grow  in  grace."  His  exer- 
cises in  the  closet  were  frequent,  and  he  notices  "the 
comfort,"  "sweet  communion  with  Christ,"  "rich 
blessings,"  "the  preciousness  of  the   Saviour"  he 

Mein.  Porter.  2 


13  CHARLES   H.   PORTER. 

experienced,  as  evidences  to  him  of  his  closer  walk 
with  God.  "  Seemed,"  he  says  on  one  occasion,  "  as 
if  I  was  not  to  be  a  great  while  on  this  earth,  for 
my  soul  took  flight,  as  it  were,  into  higher  regions. 
Language  camiot  express  the  happiness  I  have  ex- 
perienced this  day,  although  it  seems  as  if  Satan  had 
been  at  work  with  me  almost  continually."     Again, 

"June  17. — The  Lord  has  blessed  me  wonder- 
fully. Fearing  that  my  happiness  would  be  mixed 
with  animal  feeUng,  instead  of  being  true  love  to 
Christ,  I  besought  him  to  search  me  and  try  me, 
and  lead  me  in  the  way  everlasting." 

Notices  hke  these  evince  that  he  was  gaining 
greater  knowledge  of  his  oAvn  heart,  and  furnish 
proof  of  liis  conscientiousness  as  well  as  of  his  sound 
judgment.  The  same  day  he  says  again,  "  To-day 
have  had  a  cross  to  take  up  ;  felt  that  I  had  a  prej- 
udice against  a  disciple  of  Jesus ;  but  Avcnt  and 
acknowledged  my  sin  to  him  and  to  God,  and  asked 
and  found  forgiveness." 

The  next  few  days  were  days  of  trial  and  conflict. 
He  made  known  to  his  parents  his  design  of  studying 
for  the  ministry.  As  he  had  anticipated,  his  father 
did  not  approve  of  it,  and  thought  he  had  better 
attend  to  his  worldly  business.  It  was  a  severe  trial 
to  Mr.  Porter  to  act  contrary  to  his  father's  wishes, 
but  he  felt  it  to  be  his  duty  to  do  so.  It  will  be 
recollected  that  he  was  of  age,  acting  for  himself, 


EARLY  LIFE.  19 

and  dependent  on  his  own  exertions  ;  and  he  beheved 
he  had  a  right  to  the  choice  of  his  employment  or 
profession.  He  was  also  exposed  to  hard  conflicts 
from  the  ridicule  and  contempt  with  which  some 
viewed  his  determination.  Yet  he  resolved  to  go 
forward,  counting  it  a  privilege  to  suffer  reproach  for 
the  name  of  Christ. 

Spiritual  pride  also  occasioned  Mr.  Porter  many  a 
severe  struggle.  On  this  subject  we  find  the  follow- 
ing record.  "Although  I  felt  afraid  that  fasting 
would  injure  my  health,  I  could  not  help  appointing 
one  day  this  week,  to  pray  especially  that  God  would 
make  me  humble,  and  break  down  this  accursed  I, 
I,  I.  It  seems  as  if  it  would  ruin  me.  0  for  grace 
sufficient  for  my  day." 

But  though  the  burden  of  these  various  trials 
pressed  heavily  on  him,  yet  he  was  not  without  com- 
fort ;  and  in  view  of  his  situation  he  says  again,  "  I 
rejoice  to  be  dependent  on  others  for  my  support,  as 
it  leads  me  to  see  that  I  am  to  live  day  by  day  de- 
pendent on  God,  and  like  the  children  of  Israel  m 
the  wilderness,  eat  the  manna  that  is  furnished  to- 
day, and  trust  in  God  for  to-morrow." 

He  could  not  avoid  observing  the  contrast  between 
his  situation  and  that  of  some  with  whom  he  had 
been  associated.  He  thus  says,  June  25,  in  view  of 
the  fact  that  one  of  his  fellow-clerks  was  to  be  a 
partner  of  the  house,  "  Would  I  be  wiUing  to  change 


20  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

situations  with  him  ?  By  no  means.  Jesus  is  sweeter 
to  me  than  any  earthly  being ;  his  riches  are  far 
superior  to  any  earthly  riches ;  his  business  to  any 
earthly  business ;  his  joys  to  any  earthly  joys ;  his 
djdng  tokens  which  he  has  left  us,  to  any  thing  we 
can  find  here  ;  his  treasure  in  heaven  for  all  that 
love  him,  to  any  treasure  we  can  lay  up  on  earth. 
My  fellow-clerk  will  undoubtedly  possess  riches — 
earthly  I  mean,  God  grant  heavenly  also — ease,  and 
comfort.  I  am  to 'be  poor  and  dependent  on  others, 
go  through  a  course  of  eight  years'  laborious  study, 
and  then,  should  my  life  be  spared,  I  shall  probably 
be  poor  all  the  remainder  of  my  pilgrimage  on  earth, 
and  find  life  filled  up  with  trials.  Do  I  envy  him  ? 
0  no.  May  he  be  thankful  that  God  has  abundantly 
blessed  him.  I  am  and  shall  be  about  my  Master's 
business — this  is  comfort.  I  have  tasted  both  the 
world  and  Christ,  and  find  Christ  to  be  far  better. 
Oh  I  long  to  be  swallowed  up  in  him — to  feel  liim 
to  be  my  all  in  all.  Sweet,  glorious,  holy,  hap- 
py Saviour,  now  seated  at  the  right  hand  of  God, 
thee  I  love,  thee  I  adore.  Give  me  thy  presence, 
and  all  other  sources  of  happiness  are  to  me  as 
nothing." 

Mr.  Porter  now  closed  his  engagement  as  mer- 
chant's clerk,  and  in  recording  the  fact  mentions  that 
God  inclined  his  employer  to  give  him  in  a  month's 
wages.     He  says  that  he  "had  a  singular  feeling" 


EARLY  LIFE.  21 

when  his  sitiialion  "was  about  to  be  given  to  another 
person,  but  not  the  least  desire  to  retam  it." 

After  a  careful  examination  he  fixed  on  seven 
hours  for  sleep,  and  "resolved  on  fast-days,"  wliich 
he  frequently  observed.  "  I  will  take  just  food 
enough,"  he  says,  "to  keep  my  body  in  such  a  state 
that  my  spiritual  life  shall  not  suffer,  and  that  I  may 
not  appear  to  men  to  fast,  but  to  my  Father  which 
is  in  heaven.  The  rest  of  my  time  must  be  fully 
taken  up  in  devotional  reading,  studying,  or  some 
tiling  for  the  honor  of  Christ." 

Such  was  the  spirit  with  which  he  left  New  York 
on  a  short  visit  to  his  parents,  at  the  home  of  his 
childhood. 


22  CHARLES   H.   PORTER. 

CHAPTER  II. 

PREPARATION  FOR   COLLEOE. 

At  Norwich  we  find  Mr.  Porter  engaged  in  nu- 
merous labors  of  Christian  love.  He  visited  the 
poor,  the  sick,  the  afflicted,  and  the  inmates  of  the 
prison,  for  religious  conversation.  He  was  regular 
in  attending  meeting,  and  often  retired  at  night  to 
the  graveyard,  or  the  open  field,  for  meditation  and 
prayer.  Instead  of  losing  his  spirituality  he  resolved 
to  live  more  to  the  glory  of  God,  cultivating  every 
day  a  spirit  of  piety,  and  renewing  liis  dedication  to 
his  Master  daily  and  for  life. 

Home  was  very  dear  to  him.  His  greatest  study 
seems  ever  to  have  been  how  he  might  best  promote 
the  spiritual  interests  of  those  whom  he  there  so 
much  loved.  Many  were  the  conflicts  he  had  to 
endure,  while  he  endeavored  to  discharge  his  duties 
faithfully  as  a  son  and  a  servant  of  Christ. 

At  times  he  hoped  that  God  was  about  to  revive 
his  work ;  and  though  he  had  again  taken  up  his 
Latin  grammar,  he  spent  much  of  his  time  in  visit- 
ing from  house  to  house,  and  liis  efforts  in  rousing 
Christians  appear  to  have  been  attended  with  some 
success.  In  one  case  he  mentions  an  attempt  to  go 
to  Mohegan,  where  remain  several  families  of  that 
Indian  tribe ;   but  as  the  weather  was  warm,  he 


PREPARATION   FOR  COLLEGE.  23 

became  greatly  fatigued  when  he  had  walked  about 
half  a  mile,  and  was  compelled  to  return.  This 
shows  a  feebler  state  of  health  than  liis  continued 
labors  would  indicate.  He  also  mentions  his  miitmg 
with  the  Methodist  minister  in  various  efforts,  and 
thus  exliibits  liis  liberal  and  cathohc  spirit.  His 
mind  for  the  most  part  was  in  a  happy  frame,  and 
he  was  gaining  new  strength  and  knowledge  of  him- 
self. He  remamed,  however,  but  a  short  time  at  his 
father's,  and  could  not  record  any  decided  results  as 
the  fruit  of  his  labors. 

On  Mr.  Porter's  return  to  New  York,  when  he 
may  properly  be  said  to  have  commenced  his  studies, 
he  was  gratified  to  learn  that  the  Sabbath-school 
teachers  proposed  to  raise  one  hundred  dollars  yearly 
to  aid  him  ui  liis  preparation  for  the  muiistry.  This 
he  felt  to  be  not  only  a  proof  of  their  esteem,  but 
also  an  evidence  that  God  meant  to  provide  for 
him. 

His  views  of  the  great  work  to  which  he  had  de- 
voted liimself  were  thorough  and  elevated.  He  often 
alludes  to  the  necessity  of  emuient  holiness,  and 
breathes  forth  many  earnest  longmgs  for  tliis  qualifi- 
cation. 

"  August  13. — -I  am  studying — for  what  ?  0  my 
soul,  how  canst  thou  realize  the  importance  of  the 
object  in  view  ?  A  minister  of  Christ  I  One  who 
has  given  liimself  away,  entirely  and  for  ever,  to  serve 


24  CHAELES  II.  PORTER. 

God  alone.  Thousands  of  souls,  perhaps,  are  to  be 
saved  or  destroyed  through  his  preaching.  0  who 
can  discharge  the  duties  of  a  minister  ?"  Again  he 
casts  himself  on  God,  dedicates  himself  to  him,  prays 
for  "a  lower  place  "  at  his  feet,  and  implores  grace 
to  keep  him  from  spiritual  pride. 

The  next  day  his  mouth  is  filled  with  praises  as 
he  records  "the  sweetness  of  a  Saviour's  dying  love," 
and  says,  "  I  have  reason  to  bless  God  that  my  stud- 
ies do  not  keep  me  from  enjoying  rehgion."  He  then 
gives  the  secret  of  his  strength  in  this  matter.  "  If 
a  word  m  my  lesson  is  hard  to  be  miderstood,  I  ask 
God  to  aid  me ;  and  often  after  having  tried  a  long 
time  to  get  the  signification  of  a  word,  upon  asking 
God  all  has  been  plain  to  me.  Never  let  me  com- 
mence a  lesson,  or  any  thing  else,  without  first  asking 
his  blessing." 

"August  15. — Remembered  that  I  had  taken  my 
food,  and  the  question  arose,  '  Has  the  soul  been  fed 
this  morning  as  it  ought  to  have  been?'  Found 
myself  guilty ;  took  up  the  Bible  inamediately,  al- 
though Satan  as  usual  suggested  my  putting  it  off 
till  after  recitations,  and  dwelt  for  a  few  moments  on 
the  passage,  'If  ye,  then,  be  risen  with  Christ,'  etc." 

Visiting  the  store  where  he  had  formerly  been  em- 
ployed, Mr.  Porter  was  questioned  if  ho  did  not  re- 
pent of  his  purpose,  and  vidsh  to  return.  But  he 
says,  "  My  soul  repHes,  *  Oh  no  I'     I  could  not  bear 


PREPARATION  FOR  COLLEGE.        25 

the  thought,  except  God  should  evidently  give  nie  to 
understand  by  his  providence  that  I  am  not  called  to 
the  muiistry.  My  soul  loves  the  work  of  God  better 
than  ever.  My  desire  for  the  muiistry  uicreases 
daily." 

"  Sept.  9. — Never  have  been  so  much  blessed  in 
my  studies  as  tliis  mornuig,  and  I  have  no  doubt  it 
wim  in  answer  to  prayer.  I  mean  to  pray  at  least 
three  thnes  a  day  for  the  special  purpose  (1)  of  hav- 
ing my  spiritual  life  kept  up  from  day  to  day ;  (2) 
if  God  sees  it  for  his  glory  and  my  good,  that  my 
health  may  be  preserved ;  and  (3)  that  my  studies 
may  be  blessed  to  me." 

He  found  a  practical  benefit  in  keeping  this  reso- 
lution, for  he  records  on  the  11th  and  12th,  "God 
has  wonderfully  blessed  me.  Never  have  proceeded 
more  rapidly  in  my  studies,  or  had  better  health 
than  thus  far  this  week.  I  feel  that  God  has  in  a 
peculiar  manner  blessed  my  studies."  He  speaks 
also  of  the  encouragement  he  finds  as  a  tract  distrib- 
uter, and  seems  to  have  much  enjoyment  in  aU  his 
duties. 

On  the  19th,  while  readmg  a  passage  of  Scripture 
describing  the  union  of  Christ's  people  to  him  as 
members  of  his  body,  he  pours  out  his  soul  in  words 
of  Christian  charity,  and  says,  "  Then  never  let  any 
Christian  indulge  hard  feelings  against  a  brother 
Christian,  since  he  is  a  member  of  the  body  of  Christ. 


26  CHARLES   H.   PORTER.  v 

But  let  all  so  love  each  other,  as  cliildren  of  the 
same  parent." 

His  journal  now  furnishes  repeated  evidence  of  his 
increased  diligence,  and  tenderness  of  conscience.  An 
incident  exliibiting  tliis  latter  trait  it  may  be  well  to 
mention.  Some  friend  had  given  him  five  dollars, 
and  a  day  or  two  after,  he  writes, 

"  Monday,  Sept.  30. — Thought  somewhat  of  pur- 
chasing a  commentary  on  the  New  Testament,  as  I 
very  much  needed  it ;  but  remembering  that  I  owed 
my  old  employer,  although  he  told  me  I  need  not  be 
troubled  about  it,  I  thought  the  five  dollars  belonged 
to  him,  and  wrote  him  a  note,  enclosing  the  money. 
I  find,  when  one  side  is  sure  to  be  right,  and  another 
is  likely  to  be  right  but  still  doubtful,  it  is  always 
best  to  take  the  sure  side.  God  sent  me  the  money, 
and  who  knows  but  he  Avill  send  me  some  commen- 
tary to  help  me  along.  If  he  sees  it  best  that  I 
should  have  it,  I  am  sure  it  will  come ;  the  Lord  only 
knows  whence." 

Mr,  Porter  seems  to  have  done  what  was  right  in 
this  matter,  and  to  have  been  blessed  in  domg  it ;  for 
he  records, 

"  Oct.  1. — How  many  friends  the  Lord  has  raised 
up  for  me  I  Tliis  day  I  have  received  a  box  of  books 
from  my  dear  cousin,  M.  P.,  and  among  them  I  found 
Scott's  Reference  Bible  and  the  five  volumes  of 
Dwight's  Theology.     Wonderful,  indeed  I"     About 


^  PREPARATION  FOR  COLLEGE.        27 

three  weeks  after  this,  he  also  received  a  present  of 
Henry's  Commentary  on  the  New  Testament,  which 
led  him  to  a  resohition  to  hve  a  more  holy  life. 

These  frequent  tokens  of  favor  called  forth  many 
expressions  of  gratitude,  and  caused  him  anew  to 
feel  the  obligation  to  hve  to  God's  glory.  The  next 
day,  with  peculiar  emphasis,  he  writes,  ^'Studied 
the  Bible  with  more  attention  than  for  some  time 
past.     0  let  me  have  God  in  all  my  studies." 

"  Sunday,  Nov.  17. — Visited  a  family  who  have 
lost  their  head — the  husband  and  father.  Endeav- 
ored to  comfort  the  widow,  and  point  her  to  the 
Saviour,  Avho  would  be  a  husband  to  her  and  a  fa- 
ther to  her  cliildren.  Also  visited  a  poor  black  man, 
who  we  have  reason  to  think  is  near  to  death ;  also 
a  poor  colored  woman,  who  fell  a  few  days  since  and 
broke  three  of  her  ribs.  Last  Smiday  I  visited  a 
family  who  had  been  deprived  of  a  father  and  hus- 
band ;  also  a  colored  family,  in  v/hich  was  a  little 
boy,  who  has  since  died."  Such  visits  were  very 
useful  to  liim,  as  they  kept  before  him  the  great  end 
of  liis  life  ;  for  he  fomid  that  his  studies  had  "  a  ten- 
dency to  draw  away  his  mind  from  God." 

His  Sabbaths  appear  to  have  been  spent  in  part 
with  the  infant  Sabbath-school,  where  the  little  ones 
came  to  him  with  tears,  asking  about  eternal  things, 
and  begging  liim  to  visit  them  at  their  home.  He 
speaks  of  ''the  awful  responsibihty "  of  visiting  so 


28  CHARLES   n.   PORTER. 

many  families,  and  says  again,  "  AYent  A^-itliout  din- 
ner, but  was  abimdantly  rewarded  in  visiting  the 
fatherless  and  the  widow." 

An  incident  mentioned  January  19,  1834,  may  be 
cited  as  an  instance  of  his  boldness  and  faithfulness 
m  what  he  conceived  to  be  the  discharge  of  his  duty. 
He  says,  "  Heard  two  young  men  swearmg  beliind 
me  as  I  wallvcd.  I  turned  romid,  and  gently  re- 
proved them.  They  cursed  me  to  my  face,  and  told 
me  to  go  to  hell.  I  asked  them  if  they  believed  in  a 
hell.  They  said  yes,  and  that  I  would  go  there.  I 
told  them,  if  I  did,  I  did  not  want  them  to  go  there. 
They  said,  I  should  go  to  a  hypocrite's  hell,  but  they 
never  should.  I  repeated  to  them  very  calmly  the 
commandment,  '  Thou  shalt  not  take  the  name  of  the 
Lord  thy  God  m  vain,'  and  we  parted.  May  it  prove 
a  word  in  season,  sent  home  by  the  Holy  Spirit." 

A  pleasing  exhibition  of  Mr.  Porter's  growing  liu- 
mihty  occurs  on  the  occasion  of  his  application  to  the 
Education  Society  for  aid.  He  was  told,  that  as  he 
had  so  many  friends,  he  could  probably  get  along 
with  half  a  support.  He  was  also  cautioned  against 
too  high  expectations,  and  these  suggestions  he  re- 
ceived in  a  truly  meek  and  Christian  spirit. 

"  They  told  me,"  he  writes,  "  that  I  thought  too 
much  of  myself.  Alas,  how  true  it  is  I  But  I  trust 
their  kind  frankness  has  done  me  some  good.  0  that 
all  Christians  would  endeavor  to  tell  each  other  their 


PREPARATION  FOR  COLLEGE.        29 

faults.  How  much  more  we  might  grow  in  grace. 
Lord,  increase  my  faith  ;  lead  me  into  the  valley  of 
•humility,  near  the  feet  of  my  Saviour.  Let  me  do 
just  as  God  directs  in  every  thing,  and  daily  live  to 
his  glory." 

His  next  record  is  filled  with  complaints  of  his 
barrenness  of  soul.  He  deplores  his  pride  and  cold- 
ness, and  longs  for  a  more  humble  spirit.  One  re- 
markable instance  of  this  latter  trait  occurs  a  day  or 
two  after,  on  the  occasion  of  his  receiving  a  letter 
from  a  friend. 

"  Saturday,  Feb.   1,   1834. — I  received  a  short 

letter  from  my  dear  brother  m  Christ,  "W .     0, 

what  a  good  man,  good  Christian,  good  friend  I  His 
letter  was  one  which  I  have  needed  for  a  long  time. 
How  wonderful,  how  truly  wonderful  that  it  should 
have  been  received  just  at  this  season  I  That  he 
.should  write  on  the  very  day  that  I  made  the  last 
note  in  my  journal,  and  tell  me  exactly  what  I 
thought  of  myself,  but  what  I  did  not  feel  as  I  ought ! 
God  saw  my  wayM^ardness ;  he  saw  my  horrible,  ac- 
cursed, sinful  pride.     He  kiiew  I  did  not  feel  it,  and 

put  it  into  dear  brother  W 's  heart  to  tell  me  of 

it  in  a  note.  0  that  all  my  friends  would  deal  thus 
with  me.  It  is  so  good,  that  I  will  record  it  all ; 
and  may  the  God  of  all  grace,  who  loved  such  a  sin- 
ful and  vile  worm  as  I  am,  bless  it  to  my  soul  for  all 
eternity." 


30  CHARLES  H.   PORTER. 

"  '  Dear  Brother  Porter — Believe  me,  you  can 
be  of  little  service  to  mankind  until  you  imbibe  the 
spirit  of  a  little  child.  Then  you  vvdll  never  seek  to 
be  a  great  man,  but  a  little  one  ;  and  you  will  pray 
to  be  less  than  the  least  of  all.  0,  dear  brother 
Porter,  you  want  nothing  so  much  as  humihty.  Pray 
in  faith  for  this.  W.'  " 

"I  am,  truly,  a.  proud  viretch,  unworthy  to  bear 
the  name  of  friend.  Help  me,  dear  Saviour,  here- 
after to  live  more  to  thee."  He  refers  from  time  to 
time  afterwards  to  the  above  letter,  and  always  with 
the  same  spirit. 

Mr.  Porter  was  at  this  time  readuig  Payson's  Me- 
moirs. He  admired,  and  longed  to  possess  Payson's 
humility ;  and  says,  "  0,  my  Saviour,  my  dear,  de- 
spised Saviour,  can  I  not  learn  humility  of  thee  ? 
Teach  me,  0  teach  me  humility.  Though  my  sins 
rise  to  the  heavens,  yet  I  am  not  so  great  a  sumer 
that  thy  power  caimot  prevail  to  bring  me  into  the 
valley  of  humiliation.  I  loiow  I  deserve  not  the 
least  favor  from  thy  hand  ;  but  0,  for  thy  own  sake, 
teach  me — 0  teach  me  the  humility  of  thyself."  A 
toothache  with  which  he  was  afflicted,  leads  him  to 
spend  in  prayer  the  time  wliich  he  could  not  employ 
in  studying ;  and  the  burden  of  his  soul  is  for  more 
holiness,  more  grace,  deeper  humility. 

He  was  now  about  to  leave  New  York,  to  prose- 


PREPARATION  FOR  COLLEGE.       3] 

cute  his  studies  to  greater  advantage  under  experi- 
enced teachers,  in  the  academy  at  Westfield,  Massa- 
chusetts. From  various  notices  of  friends  in  New 
York  in  after-days,  he  seems  to  have  cherished  a 
pleasant  recollection  of  his  labors  there,  in  connection 
with  others,  for  the  feenefit  of  liis  fellow-men.  It 
was  the  place  where  he  had  decided  on  preparation 
for  the  mmistry  ;  and  the  warm  hearts  which  greet- 
ed his  purpose  with  so  cheering  a  response,  ever  after 
clung  to  him,  and  would  not  forsake  him  even  amid 
their  owti  trials  and  embarrassments.  Though  he 
felt  that  it  was  a  wise  course  to  go  elsewhere,  yet  he 
could  not  but  feel  some  lingering  regrets  at  quitting 
scenes  hallowed  by  so  many  associations  of  friendship 
and  kindness. 


32  CHARLES   II.  rURTER. 

CHAPTER  III. 

STUDIES  AT  WESTFIELD. 

The  first  entry  iii  his  diary  at  Westfield  is  dated, 
*'  June  5,  1834. — Since  writing  last,  my  situation 
has  wonderfully  changed.  The  Lord  has  sent  me 
here,  I  trust,  to  do  sometliing,  weak  as  I  am,  for  his 
great  and  holy  name.  0  the  sweetness  of  Christ 
wliich  I  have  enjoyed  for  days  and  weeks  past.  I 
trust  I  have  given  myself  anew  to  Christ,  and  come 
to  a  more  fuU  and  settled  determination  to  hve  to 
his  glory.  A  number  of  days  since,  I  made  a  solemn 
resolution  in  the  presence  of  God,  that,  he  assisting 
me,  I  would  at  least  twice,  and  miless  extraordinary 
causes  prevented,  thrice  a  day  pray  myself  into  a 
spirit  of  prayer,  hoAvever  cold  I  might  be ;  and  bless- 
ed be  G  od,  as  yet  I  have  at  no  time  wished  to  change 
that  resolution.  And  I  trust  I  have  been  enabled  to 
keep  it  ;  and  in  keeping  it,  to  retam  a  spirit  of  prayer 
nearly  aU  the  time.  This  morning  I  experienced  the 
blessed  efiects  of  that  resolution ;  for,  it  being  rainy, 
and  my  spirit  mdifferent,  I  felt  backward  about  going 
to  the  throne  of  grace.  But  remembering  this  in- 
difference was  one  of  the  most  dangerous  sides  on 
which  the  enemy  could  attack  me,  and  calling  to 
mind  my  promise  to  God,  I  went ;  and  0  the  sweet 
peace  that  soon  filled  my  soul  I     I  could  say  from  the 


STUDIES  AT   WESTFIELD.  33 

heart,  '  Bless  the  Lord,  0  my  soul ;  and  all  that  is 
•within  me,  bless  his  holy  name.' 

"  June  6. — I  find  I  caiuiot  study  with  any  ease 
without  a  spirit  of  prayer,  and  bless  God  for  it.  0 
my  soul,  trust  in  God.  What  shall  I  do  without 
prayer  ?  My  lessons,  for  nine  months  past,  have  not 
been  enough  prayed  over.  Never  have  I  had  such 
success  as  since  I  made  them  the  continued  subject 
of  prayer.  May  my  life  be  a  life  of  prayer  and  ex- 
ertion for  the  Redeemer.  I  prayed  this  morning  for 
hiunility,  and  I  have  reason  to  bless  the  Lord  that 
he  laid  a  burden  on  me  which  had  to  be  confessed 
before  the  school.  Thus  he  has  brought  me  dovini. 
And  then  when  I  came  home,  he  was  land  enough 
to  put  it  into  the  heart  of  a  Christian  brother  to  re- 
prove me  for  talking  so  much  in  meeting.  So  I  am 
taught  from  day  to  day  to  be  humble.  0  that  I 
may  dihgently  improve  these  admonitions,  for  I  may 
not  always  have  faithful  Christian  friends  to  reprove 
me."  ■ 

Mr.  Porter  appears,  at  Westfield,  to  have  entered 
at  once  on  a  course  of  active  labor  to  benefit  oth- 
ers. We  here  somewhat  anticipate  his  dates,  that 
we  may  give  an  idea  of  his  labors  in  tliis  new  field. 
On  the  Sabbath,  he  sometimes  attended  "a  prayer- 
meeting  at  quarter  past  four  in  the  morning;"  then 
went,  at  half  past  seven,  three  miles  to  a  Sabbath- 
echool ;  then  attended  the  morning  service  at  church, 

Mem.  Torter.  3 


34  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

and  another  Sabbath-school  during  the  intermission ; 
then  attended  the  afternoon  service,  after  which  he 
went  three  and  a  half  or  four  miles  in  a  different 
direction  to  a  Sabbath-school,  and  then  to  a  prayer- 
meeting  in  the  evening.  In  view  of  all  this,  he 
might  well  remark,  "  So  that  every  moment  seems 
to  be  full."  Besides  this,  he  was  also  a  distributer 
of  tracts,  and  visited  the  poor  and  afflicted. 

He  seems  to  have  found  great  delight  in  his  labor, 
for  he  says,  "  Sabbaths  are  pecuharly  blessed  to  me. 
To  get  out  two  or  three  miles  from  town,  into  a  small 
school-house  or  church,  and  there  meet  the  cliildren 
joyfully  assembled  and  waiting,  0  it  is  sweet.  All 
earth  with  its  vain  pleasures  would  not  afford  me 
the  satisfaction  that  I  find  in  teaching  those  poor 
children,  and  in  going  from  house  to  house,  telling 
them  about  my  beloved  Master.  In  distributmg 
tracts,  I  find  enough  to  repay  me  for  all  that  I  have 
done.  One  woman  is  anxiously  inquiring,  and  de- 
termined to  seek  salvation.  Another  seems  to  feel 
deeply ;  and  says  she  has  not  read  her  Bible  and 
prayed  so  much  for  two  years,  as  since  she  saw  mc 
last  month." 

Both  his  heart  and  his  intellect  bear  marks  of  the 
benefit  he  derived  from  his  present  course  of  educa- 
tion. His  mind  seems  to  take  a  wider  range,  and  the 
improvement  of  his  style  of  thought  and  expression  is 
oflen  quite  perceptible.     The  beauties  of  nature  call 


STUDIES  AT   WESTFIELD.  35 

out  his  admiration,  and  he  derives  from  all  lessons 
wliich  teach  him  more  of  God.     He  says, 

"June  7. — This  morning,  while  sitting  at  my 
window  and  admiring  the  works  of  God,  my  thoughts 
were  fixed  upon  a  leaf,  which  led  to  the  following 
reflections  :  Here  is  a  leaf,  perfect  in  its  form,  situa- 
ted just  where  it  is  needed,  with  a  beautiful  green 
color,  a  stem  just  the  size  to  support  it,  and  the  sev- 
eral stronger  parts  running  through  the  leaf  to  sup- 
port its  form  and  regularity.  A  few  weeks  ago, 
where  was  it  ?  None  but  God  knows.  It  existed, 
but  in  how  many  different  materials  I  know  not. 
Where  they  were,  I  know  not.  But  one  thing  is 
certain  :  whatever  or  wherever  they  were,  God  has 
brought  them,  together,  and  formed  them  uito  a  beau- 
tiful thing  called  a  leaf  In  looldng  round  upon  the 
tree,  I  found  it  covered  with  these  leaves,  exactly 
the  same  in  kind,  but  not  the  same  in  size.  God 
was  just  forming  some  of  them — hoiv,  I  could  not 
tell,  but  it  was  certain  he  was  collecting  the  mate- 
rials, arranging  them  in  proper  order,  putting  them 
together,  giving  each  leaf  its  proper  shape,  size,  color, 
taste,  and  scent ;  placing  just  so  many  upon  each 
stem,  and  the  proper  number  of  stems  upon  each 
branch,  and  the  proper  number  of  branches  upon 
each  tree  ;  and  increasing  the  body  of  the  tree  with 
branches,  stems,  and  leaves,  at  the  same  time.  Sure* 
ly  this  is  work  that  far  excels  the  work  of  man. 


36  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

"Now,  thought  I,  should  I  begin  to  count  the 
leaves  upon  each  stem,  and  then  upon  all  the  branch- 
en  of  the  tree,  where  should  I  end,  even  with  those 
of  the  first  tree  ?  Then  to  look  around  the  garden, 
and  see  the  innnense  number  of  leaves  ;  then  look  a 
little  further  to  the  broad  and  extensive  forests,  and 
behold  the  multitude  of  trees,  shrubs,  and  bushes, 
wliich  contain  so  many  trillions  of  billions  of  leaves, 
and  to  consider  that  each  one  has  its  pecuHar  prop- 
erties, and  that  one  Being  alone  is  doing  all  this  at 
the  same  moment,  and  had  in  mind  before  the  foun- 
dation of  the  world  each  distinct  leaf,  the  substance 
of  which  it  is  composed,  and  the  particular  time  when 
it  should  receive  its  increase,  leads  me  into  fields 
where  I  am  lost  in  wonder  and  astonishment.  0 
the  greatness,  power,  wisdom,  skill,  and  goodness  of 
such  a  Being  I  "Who  cannot  adore  him,  who  cannot 
praise  him?  0  the  loveliness  of  God  exhibited  in 
his  works.  0  my  soul,  love,  and  honor,  and  adore 
thy  God." 

"  June  15. — The  good  Shepherd  has  been  over 
me  to-day.  His  riches  have  been  poured  upon  me, 
and  peace  like  an  overflowing  river,  for  a  great  part 
of  the  day,  has  rested  upon  me.  This  morning  par- 
ticularly my  heart  was  stayed  upon  him.  When 
coming  home  from  the  Sabbath-school  out  of  town, 
and  telling  my  sister  of  the  difficulty  of  overcoming 
my  pride,  she  said,  *  My  dear  brother,  look  to  Jesus. 


STUDIES  AT  VVESTFIELD.  37 

His  grace  is  sufficient,'  0  how  sweet  v/as  it  to  lei 
liim  have  my  pride — to  give  it  all  to  him,  and  take 
my  place  at  his  feet,  a  suppHant  of  redeeming  grace. 
I  bless  the  Lord  daily  that  he  has  sent  me  into  tliis 
part  of  liis  vineyard.  I  can  say  that  the  days  pass 
very  pleasantly,  and  I  hope  profitably." 

"  June  17. — Lay  down  in  the  enjoyment  of  God  ; 
believe  I  dreamed  about  him  all  night,  and  awoke 
in  the  presence  of  Jesus.  How  sweet  to  have  God 
vdth  us.  I  long  for  more  conformity  to  liim.  It 
shall  be  my  aim,  in  the  strength  of  Jesus,  to  advance 
more  than  I  have  done  in  the  attamment  of  holiness 
Dear  Saviour,  here  I  am ;  take  me,  make  me  holy , 
carry  me  through  any  affliction,  trouble,  or  trial; 
only  I  beg  of  thee  grace  sufficient  to  profit  by  that 
discipline." 

He  also  alludes  to  the  persecution  endured  by  an 
acquaintance,  and  speaks  of  praying  for  her.  Tliis 
and  similar  notices  throughout  his  diary,  show  that 
he  was  often  in  the  habit  of  particularly  remember- 
ing, at  the  throne  of  gTace,  the  friends  in  whose  trials 
he  sympathized. 

"June  19. — Never  have  I  reaUzed  and  looked 
forward  to  the  privilege  of  rising  early  in  the  morn- 
ing to  serve  God,  as  I  do  at  the  present  tuiae.  Al- 
though I  rise  at  four  o'clock  and  engage  in  worsliip, 
yet  it  looks  pleasant  in  prospect ;  and  to-morrow^ 
blessed  be  God,  I  have  appointed  as  a  day  of  fasting, 


38  CHARLES   U.  PORTER. 

that  Christ  may  advance  the  interests  of  religion  in 
my  soul.  May  it  be  my  anxious  desire  to  do  some- 
tliing  directly  for  Christ  every  day.  Camiot  I  find 
some  poor  simier,  and  perhaps  a  number  every  day, 
to  whom  I  may  recommend  Jesus  ?  0,  dear  and 
blessed  Saviour,  give  me  more  of  thy  spirit ;  give  me 
more  wisdom,  more  humility,  more  love  for  thee  and 
for  dying  simiers  ;  and  may  I  be  still  more  anxious 
to  do  them  good.  Why,  0  why  should  they  die  ?  0 
my  Saviour,  must  they  die  ?  Wilt  thou  not  use  me 
to  present  thyself  to  them  in  such  a  mamier  that 
they  may  be  led  to  seek  thee  ?  Here,  Lord,  am 
I ;  send  me,  not  for  myself,  but  for  thee  and  for 
them." 

"  June  22. — I  have  heard  from  a  number  of 
sources  that  I  am  doing  too  much.  '  I  shall  ruin  my 
health,  shall  become  crazy,'  etc.  0  how  strange  that 
one  can  do  nothhig  for  Christ  without  being  thought 
crazy.  If  I  were  to  do  ten  times  as  much  for  my- 
self as  I  do  for  Jesus  Christ,  people  would  think  it 
right  enough.  I  know  there  is  danger,  and  I  hope 
sincerely  that  instead  of  pulling  me  down,  they  will 
try  to  build  me  up  by  their  prayers  and  exertions. 
It  seems  to  me  that  I  should  wear  out  ten  times  as 
quick,  seeing  Christians  sleeping  at  their  posts,  and 
sirmers  calmly  going  down  to  hell,  as  from  seeing 
them  all  alive  to  Christ  and  his  cause.  I  desire  and 
pray  that  the  Lord  may  keep  me  from  growing  cold 


STUDIES   AT  WESTFIELD.  39 

ill  his  cause  ;  and  that  he  may,  if  consistent,  preserve 
my  health  and  give  success  to  my  studies.  0  may 
I  be  kept  from  every  false  doctrine,  error,  and  sin, 
and  live  consistently  and  to  his  glory." 

That  Mr.  Porter  did  not  err  wilfully,  even  if  he 
sometimes  regarded  not  as  he  should  have  done  his 
health  and  his  situation  as  a  student,  is  clear  from 
liis  readiness,  as  ahove  seen,  to  notice  every  thing  of 
this  kind,  and  make  it  the  subject  of  serious  reflec- 
tion. His  mind  was  now  constantly  active  in  devis- 
ing some  way  to  attain  his  great  object  of  saving 
souls.  Thus  he  mentions  the  following  somewhat 
singular  plan,  and  yet  one  which  evinces  the  true 
spirit  of  a  child  of  God. 

"  June  24. — I  thought  tliis  morning  of  a  good 
way  to  make  friends.  If  a  neighbor  is  sick  and 
needs  watchers,  let  me  go  to  one  of  that  m.an's  ene- 
mies, or  one  whom  he  dislikes,  especially  if  he  be  a 
Christian,  and  ask  him  to  improve  the  opportunity 
of  showing  his  friendship  by  offering  to  watch,  and 
by  doing  every  little  thing  he  can  to  assist  the  sick 
man  and  his  family.  He  would  thus  put  them  to 
shame,  and  if  they  had  any  honesty  they  would  con- 
fess and  have  the  wound  healed." 

A  Christian  friend  having  called  to  make  some 
arrangements  for  tract  distribution  at  an  hour  when 
he  was  engaged  in  private  devotion,  he  alludes  in 
his  journal  to  the  reluctance  with  which  he  left  com- 


40  CHARLES   H.    PORTER. 

muiiion  with  llie  Saviour,  though  it  was  to  confer 
with  a  friend,  and  on  a  subject  especially  congenial 
to  his  feelings. 

For  the  next  few  days  he  seems  to  have  suffered 
dejection  of  spirit.  Having  set  himself  to  trace  the 
cause,  he  says, 

"  Gomg  down  to  bathe  with  a  Christian  brother  a 
few  days  since,  I  talked  about  other  tilings  far  more 
than  about  Christ.  Thus  the  Spirit  was  grieved. 
Another  thing  was  pride.  I  do  not  prepare  so 
many  lessons  for  recitation  as  the  rest  do,  but  I  study 
ray  gi-ammar  at  home,  which  is  more  necessary  for 
me  at  present  than  any  thuig  else.  They  must  con- 
clude that  I  do  not  study  much,  and  tliis  thought 
tries  me.  But  I  will  do  what  is  best  as  far  as  I  can 
see  ;  and  if  I  have  the  appearance  of  being  neglectful, 
I  will  endeavor  to  keep  my  conscience  clear  in  the 
sight  of  God,  and  subdue  my  pride. 

"  Another  thing.  I  have  been  praying  that  my 
burden  might  be  removed,  rather  than  that  it  might 
be  sanctified.  I  have  been  impatient,  not  trusting 
enough  in  the  fulness  of  God.  I  have  been  too 
much  troubled  about  worldly  concerns,  not  remem- 
bering that  God  will  provide  for  me.  I  desire  to 
rejoice,  though  with  trembling,  that  I  can  cast  my 
r.are  upon  Christ,  resolving  to  do  my  duty  and  leave 
results  with  him.  Let  me  ever  cultivate  such  a 
spirit,  that  in  times  of  trial  I  may  look  up  and  say, 


STUDIES   AT   WESTFIELD.  41 

ill  love  and  resignation,  '  It  is  my  Father.  Do  just 
as  thou  seest  best.'  " 

Other  portions  of  Mr.  Porter's  diary  evince  his 
desire  for  the  spiritual  welfare  of  his  friends,  who, 
he  feared,  were  in  the  behef  of  dangerous  errors. 
They  could  not  feel  that  he  was  right  in  his  unwea- 
ried efforts,  and  ascribed  to  enthusiasm  what  he  felt 
to  be  obedience  to  the  calls  of  the  Holy  Spirit.  His 
soul  yearned  over  them.  He  wept  and  prayed  for 
them,  aii^  longed  that  they  should  taste  the  same 
heavenly  grace,  and  act  under  the  control  of  the 
same  divine  Spirit,  that  he  hoped  was  guiding  him. 
Under  one  date  he  mentions  the  faitlifulness  of  a 
Christian  friend  in  reproving  him  for  some  failings, 
and  desires  to  profit  by  the  rebuke. 

The  cause  of  home  missions  about  this  time  en- 
gaged his  attention,  and  he  speaks  of  becoming  a 
missionary  in  some  destitute  part  of  our  own  country. 
He  says  his  prevaihng  desire  is  hereafter  "to  labor 
among  the  vast  growing  settlements  on  our  western 
borders."  This  is  the  first  distinct  mention  in  his 
diary  of  a  purpose  he  afterwards  more  fully  cherished, 
but  which  he  did  not  live  to  execute. 

"  Wednesday,  July  23. — Have  been  much  blessed 
of  late  in  my  studies,  owing  to  particular  prayer  for 
that  purpose — asking  God  to  give  me  an  inquiring, 
patient  spirit,  that  I  might  calmly  look  mto  the 
intricacies  and  anomalies  of  the  languages,  and  a 


42  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

persevering  spirit,  that  I  might  overcome  dilTicul- 
ties — not  to  show  my  knowledge,  but  to  contribute  to 
my  usefuhiess.  Sweet,  passing  sweet  have  been  my 
seasons  with  Jesus  at  times,  and  at  others  my  soul  has 
been  clogged.    But  generally  my  path  grows  bright 

0  thou  Searcher  of  hearts,  assist  me  to  do  thy  will." 
"  Sept.  25. — Some  precious  seasons  I  have  had  ; 

but  alas,  my  heart,  from  time  to  time,  has  wandered 
from  God." 

'*  Sept.  27. — I  am  but  a  babe.  I  hope  I  have 
been  a  Christian  almost  five  years,   but  feel  that 

1  have  made  little  progress.  0  my  leanness,  my 
barrenness  !  My  example,  what  has  it  been  ?  I 
shudder  to  look  back  on  it.  I  will  endeavor  to  pray 
more  over  my  example,  that  it  may  be  such  as  to 
carry  conviction  to  those  around  me  that  I  am  bom 
of  God.  I  am  prone  to  levity.  Deliver  me,  0  God, 
from  every  appearance  of  evil." 

"  Sept.  28. — Resolved  to  lean  more  simply  on 
Christ.  I  learn  slowly  ;  but  a  dull  scholar  makes  a 
good  one,  if  he  is  attentive  and  has  Christ  for  a 
teacher." 

On  the  4th  of  November,  one  of  his  days  of  fast- 
ing and  prayer,  he  says,  '*  Five  years  this  day  since 
I  was  converted."  He  testifies  anew  to  the  goodness 
of  God,  mourns  that  he  has  not  served  him  better, 
and  casts  himself  once  more  on  his  Saviour  for  mercy 
and  grace. 


STUDIES  AT   WESTFIELI).  43 

"  X^ov.  15. — Heard  last  evening  of  a  man  who 
had  broken  his  leg.  Went  to  visit  him,  and  found  a 
blessing  by  so  doing.  May  I  never  forget  that  '  pure 
and  undefiled  rehgion  before  God  and  the  Father 
is  this,  to  visit  the  fatherless  and  w^idows  in  their 
affliction,  and  to  keep  one's  self  unspotted  from  the 
world.'  " 

Mr.  Porter's  record  is  here  broken  for  some  months, 
from  the  last  date  up  to  the  20th  of  March,  1835. 
On  resuming  it,  he  mentions  that  he  had  not  con- 
tinued it  because  he  was  absent  at  New  Hartford, 
teaching  a  school,  and  did  not  take  his  book  with 
him.  He  says,  "My  feeluigs  have  been  various. 
The  first  part  of  the  time  I  was  not  half  as  much 
awake  as  I  ought  to  have  been  ;  but  m  the  latter  part 
God  poured  out  his  Spirit,  and  I  felt  more  hke  labor- 
ing for  him,  and  tried  to  do  my  duty.  But  I  had  to 
leave  my  dear  scholars  without  an  interest  in  the 
Saviour,  except  those  who  were  pious  before  I  went 
there." 

Learning  afterwards  that  one  of  these  scholars 
had  been  hopefully  converted,  and  then  another,  he 
rejoiced  much,  and  was  again  encouraged.  A  day 
or  two  after,  he  writes, 

"Nov.  25. — Some  men  lay  out  their  strength  for 
money ;  God  gives  them  money  :  some  for  honor ; 
God  gives  it  them.  Others  lay  it  out  for  learning ; 
they  jpossess  it.     And  shall  not  I  lay  out  mine  for 


44  chari.es  h.  porter. 

souls,  and  expect  God  will  give  them  to  me  ?  Yes, 
in  his  strength  will  I  try  hereafter  to  lay  myself  out 
with  the  expectation  that  God  will  make  me  useful 
as  a  means  of  converting  sinners.  Let  me  expect 
it  as  much  as  the  laborer  expects  his  wages." 

"  April  2. — Find  that  much  talking,  if  it  is  not 
on  practical  godliness,  injures  the  spirit.  More  de- 
termined to  '  search  the  Scriptures.'  " 

A  letter  dated  at  "VYestfield  in  April,  addressed  to 
his  mother,  with  a  single  entry  in  his  diary,  is  all 
the  further  hiformation  we  have  respecting  him,  till 
we  find  him  the  next  autumn  a  member  of  Yale 
College.  In  this  letter  he  speaks  of  having  been  at 
Norwich,  and  of  spending  a  few  days  at  Sprmgfield, 
where  there  was  a  revival  of  religion,  and  says,  "  It 
was  refreshing  to  my  soul  to  get  where  God  had 
poured  out  liis  Spirit ;  and  it  brought  forcibly  to  mind 
my  great  unfaithfulness,  iiarticularly  at  home.  It 
is  there  that  I  ought  to  be  faitliful.  But  alas,  I  am 
not.  When  I  go  home,  instead  of  acting  like  a  Chris- 
tian, I  acknowledge  with  shame  that  I  act  as  for- 
merly. I  know  that  I  am  more  consistent  anywhere 
else  than  at  home.  Did  I  know  of  any  way  to  pre- 
sent the  truth,  so  that  it  might  have  a  saving  influ- 
ence on  my  dear  friends,  I  believe  I  should  do  it.  I 
do  know  there  is  something  in  religion  to  which  all 
are  strangers  but  those  who  experience  it. 

"  We  have  had  happy  times  here  ;  some  professors 


STUDIES   AT   WESTFIELD.  45 

seem  to  act  as  they  ought,  and  God  has  converted  a 
number  of  snmers.  My  enjoyment  has  been  sweet 
and  heavenly.  Peace,  not  that  which  the  world 
giveth,  has  flowed  into  my  soul  like  a  river.  There 
is  a  blessed  reality  in  rehgion  which  I  long  to  have 
you  all  experience." 

He  then  alludes  to  some  aid  unexpectedly  received 
from  his  brother,  and  to  the  goodness  of  God  in  con- 
ducting him  on  ;  and  repeats  the  declaration  he  had 
often  before  made,  that  nothing  earthly  could  tempt 
him  to  rehnquish  the  object  he  had  in  view,  of  pre- 
paring to  serve  the  Lord  as  a  minister  of  his  blessed 


His  record,  on  the  5th  of  May,  is  quite  character- 
istic. "  What  a  blessing  to  be  reproved.  I  thank 
God  he  has  given  me  a  few  faithful  friends.  My 
labors  have  been  blessed  this  term,  more  than  ever, 
and  God  has  given  me  a  number  of  souls,  one  of 
whom  came  to  me  this  afternoon,  and  wanted  me 
to  try  to  be  more  tender  when  talking  to  the  impen- 
itent. I  felt  that  it  was  like  oil  poured  into  my  souL 
God  has  to  lay  on  the  rod  often,  to  keep  me  at  his 
footstool.  Every  time  he  blesses  my  labors  particu- 
larly, he  has  to  give  me  the  rod  to  keep  me  from 
going  out  of  my  place.  Blessed  God,  wilt  thou  ever 
keep  me  down  and  glorify  thyself." 


46  CHARLES  II.  PORTER. 

CHAPTER  IV. 

FIRST   TWO  YEARS  IN  COLLEG-E. 

In  a  letter  to  kis  friend  D ,  dated,  Yale  College, 

October  7,  1835,  Mr.  Porter  thus  speaks  respecting 
the  commencement  of  liis  collegiate  life. 

*'  As  yet  I  am  much  more  pleased  than  I  expected 
to  be  ;  but  I  am  fearful  lest  the  blighting  influences 
of  a  college  life  should  lead  my  soul  astray  from  God. 
I  feel  that  prayer  is  indispensable,  and  hope  that  I 
shall  ever  persevere  in  a  faithful  discharge  o^  private 
as  well  as  pubUc  Christian  duties.  Many  things  are 
new,  and  calculated,  miless  one  is  on  the  watch, 
to  draw  off  the  heart  from  God.  Many  come  here 
warm,  I  am  told,  but  go  away  cold.  That  God  may 
preserve  the  little  spark  which  I  have,  that  it  may 
shme  brightly,  is  my  earnest  prayer.  I  have  not  yet 
taken  a  class  in  the  Sabbath-school,  but  hope  to  have 
a  Bible  class  before  long.  On  Tuesday  evening  we 
hold  a  prayer-meeting  of  our  class,  and  on  Friday 
evening  there  is  a  general  one  for  all  the  classes. 
Our  class  is  large,  and  many  of  its  members  are  wild, 
but  I  hope  there  is  salt  enough  in  it  to  preserve  it. 
We  need  great  wisdom  and  grace  to  mamtain  that 
holy  walk  which  alone  A\dll  be  acceptable  to  God 
and  presei-ve  our  character  spotless. 

"I  am  so  favored  as  to  be  permitted  to  room  out. 


FIRST  TWO  YEARS  IN  COLLEGE.  47 

My  room-mate  is  one  of  the  best  young  men  I  have 
ever  met ;  he  was  a  class-mate  in  Westfield  for  about 
six  months,  and  I  doubt  not  he  was  there  the  means 
of  converting  a  number  of  souls.  He  is  studying  for 
the  ministry,"  He  mentions  that  they  board  them- 
selves, and  says,  "  We  frequently  have  crackers  and 
water  for  breakfast,  crackers  and  water  for  dinner, 
and  crackers  and  water  for  supper,  and  not  unfre- 
quently  a  dessert  of  apples  and  pears.  We  have  also 
cheese  on  the  table,  and  sometimes  cookies  ;  so  that 
you  see  our  dainties,  if  not  ourselves,  would  almost 
induce  you  to  come  and  dine.  Living  in  this  way, 
our  board  probably  costs  about  seventy-five  cents  per 
week." 

Mr.  Porter's  diary  is  now  written  at  longer  inter- 
vals, indicating  that  his  time  was  very  much  occu- 
pied in  severe  study.  He  was  engaged  as  usual  in 
Sabbath-school  instruction ;  for  a  time  in  the  city, 
and  then  at  Westville,  two  or  three  miles  distant. 

His  record  of  his  collegiate  life  opens  November 
15,  1835,  with  complaints  of  the  hardness  of  his 
heart.  During  the  absence  of  his  room-mate  he  im- 
proves the  opportunity  of  being  alone  in  prayer.  He 
says,  "  I  knelt  and  attempted  to  pray,  but  could  not. 
My  heart  was  hard,  and  I  could  not  even  shed  a  tear 
in  sorrow  that  it  was  so.  I  concluded  that  if  there 
was  any  blessing  to  be  received  from  God,  he  would 
wait  imtil  he  saw  I  was  in  earnest  before  he  granted 


48  CHARLES   H.   PORTER. 

it.  I  gave  up  all  idea  of  doing  any  thing  else  until 
my  heart  was  right,  I  wanted  to  pray  for  my  Sab- 
bath-school class,  but  felt  that  I  could  not  pray  ac- 
ceptably with  that  state  of  feelmg.  I  told  God  just 
how  I  felt,  and  how  little  I  had  loved  liim,  and  asked 
and  plead  for  a  blessing.  But  a  few  minutes  passed 
before  he  came  in  mercy.  He  showed  me  the  vile- 
ness  of  raiy  heart.  It  seemed  as  if  hell  had  hold  of 
me,  to  draw  me  off  from  God  :  pride  appeared  even 
in  my  tears,  and  I  was  constrained  to  feel  that  I  was 
vile,  aivfully  so." 

Dec.  27. — "  Sabbath  evening.  This  day  I  have 
had  an  overflowing  heart.  "VYhen  I  looked  around 
upon  the  world,  and  saw  that  every  one  of  its  in- 
habitants was  by  nature  alienated  fi'om  God,  and  by 
practice  sunk  in  the  depths  of  iniquity — when  I  re- 
flected upon  the  poor  heathen  smldiig  by  milHons  to 
the  chambers  of  eternal  death,  my  heart  seemed  to 
break,  and  tears  streamed  from  my  eyes.  To  see 
my  fellow-bemgs  sunk  deep  in  guilt,  and  exposed  to 
the  eternal  wrath  of  God,  was  too  much.  Oh,  my 
God,  wilt  thou  not  convert  tliis  dying  world  to  thy- 
self? Felt  a  peculiar  anxiety  for  an  impenitent 
class-mate  ;  wrestled  in  prayer  for  him,  resolved  to 
go  and  see  him,  and  endeavor  with  God's  assistance 
to  direct  him  to  Christ." 

The  next  entiy,  FebiTiary,  1836,  speaks  of  a  more 
encouraging  aspect  of  things  in  college,  and  remarks 


FIRST   TWO   YEARS   IN   COLLEGE.  49 

that  brethren  had  begun  to  plead  the  promises,  and 
"  exert  themselves  in  favor  of  Zion."  He  adds,  "  Had 
a  soul-refreshing  season  with  God  this  evening.  Oh, 
what  a  privilege  it  is  to  be  alone  with  God.  I  have 
felt  greatly  the  need  of  a  place  where  I  could  enjoy- 
that  privilege  since  I  have  had  a  room-mate,  yet  I 
kiiow  not  but  the  daily  benefit  I  receive  will  com- 
pensate me.  For  there  are  many  little  tilings  occur- 
ring from  day  to  day,  and  from  week  to  week,  about 
which  we  differ,  and  sometimes,  perhaps,  we  should 
indulge  hard  feelings  were  it  not  for  grace.  Here  is 
a  great  deficiency  in  my  character,  which  I  was  not 
aware  of  until  it  was  put  to  the  test.  I  find  that 
the  moral  feelings  may  be  cultivated  very  much 
more  with  respect  to  little  things,  which  constitute 
much  of  human  life,  by  having  a  room-mate ;  but 
with  respect  to  private  devotion,  it  is  far  better  to 
room  alone." 

Mr.  Porter's  mind  was  again  dwelling  on  the  sub- 
ject of  missions,  to  which  he  seems  more  resolved  to 
consecrate  liimself.  He  says,  "  The  subject  of  mis- 
sions has  been  for  some  time  on  my  mind.  May  God 
direct  me  to  go  wherever  he  pleases,  if  my  life  is 
spared." 

*'May  3. — As  I  saw  that  it  sprinkled,  I  was  led 
to  reflect  what  an  admirable  harmony  there  is  in  all 
God's  works.  I  know  not  that  I  ever  thought  be- 
ibre  why  we  need  little  slwivers  frequently  during 


OO  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

the  day,  from  the  latter  part  of  April  to  the  latter 
part  of  May,  more  than  at  any  other  tune  of  the 
year.  Yet  the  reason  is  very  evident,  and  doubtless 
.others  who  have  heen  more  careful  than  I  to  mark 
how  God  designs  every  thing  for  his  own  glory  and 
our  good,  have  observed  it.  At  this  season  of  the 
year  every  thing  in  nature  is  in  its  infancy.  The 
spears  of  grass  and  the  plants  have  but  just  taken 
root,  and  they  need  to  be  watered  often,  and  to  have 
the  genial  rays  of  the  sun  as  often ;  for  if  it  should 
not  rain  oftener  than  at  other  seasons  of  the  year, 
the  soil  would  become  dry  farther  than  their  roots 
extend,  and  the  consequence  would  be  that  they  must 
perish  ;  and  at  this  season  hot  sunshine  without  rain 
might  produce  a  general  famine.  Or  on  the  other 
hand,  if  we  had  rain  as  copiously  and  as  long  as  at 
other  seasons,  they  would  perhaps  be  exposed  to 
mould.  Thus  our  heavenly  Father  takes  care  of 
nature  in  its  infancy,  by  frequently  visiting  it  with 
gentle  showers  from  heaven,  and  bestowing  upon  it, 
at  short  intervals,  the  genial  rays  of  the  sun." 

*'  May  6. — My  soul  has  for  a  long  time  been  a 
desert.  It  has  been  far  away  from  my  Redeemer. 
Resolved  to  spend  more  of  each  day  during  the  va- 
cation in  striving  to  grow  in  grace.  Part  of  it  has 
passed,  and  I  have  neglected  it ;  but  this  morning  I 
had  a  sweet  season  of  prayer,  on  a  retired  hill  in 
West  Haven.     I  hope  to  spend  the  remainder  of  my 


FIRST  TWO   YEARS  AT  COLLEGE.  51 

vacation  profitably,  and  be  prepared  to  do  good  in 
college  during  tlie  summer  term.  Expect  to  leave  for 
New  York  to-day,  and  I  pray  God  to  be  with  me." 

It  is  probable  that  he  spent  the  anniversary  week 
in  New  York,  and  the  rest  of  his  vacation  in  Nor- 
wich. In  a  letter  dated,  Yale  College,  May  23,  ad- 
dressed to  his  father,  he  says, 

•'  I  feel  about  prepared  to  enter  again  upon  my 
studies,  after  having  spent  for  the  most  part  a  pleas- 
ant vacation,  though  I  should  be  pleased  to  have 
spent  more  of-  it  at  home.  I  feel  ashamed  to  think 
I  have  done  no  more  good  there.  I  have  been  less 
active  in  the  cause  of  Christ  at  Norwich  than  any- 
where else.  I  hope  hereafter  it  wiU  not  be  so.  I 
am  glad  persons  have  the  Bible  to  teach  them  what 
religion  really  is,  for  if  my  friends  at  Norwich  should 
judge  of  religion  by  my  life,  I  fear  they  would  never 
become  pious.  You  are  not  afraid  to  speak  and  act 
on  political  subjects,  to  hold  meetings,  and  do  any 
thing  that  is  honorable  to  secure  the  end  proposed. 
And  why  should  I  be  afraid  to  speak,  and  act  too,  as 
if  I  am  in  earnest  ?  Why  should  I  be  backward  in 
using  means  for  the  conversion  of  souls  ?  If  ever  I 
am  successful  hi  winning  souls  to  Christ,  I  know  I 
must  disregard  the  opinion  of  those  who  know  not 
what  it  is  to  be  born  again,  and  to  be  '  filled  with 
the  Spirit.'  THey  perhaps  think  reUgion  of  little 
importance,  and  act  accordingly.     Our  conduct  must 


52  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

be  widely  different.  I  hope  to  be  more  faithful  in 
future,  and  not  a  stumbling-block  to  those  who  have 
not  '  tasted  of  the  water  of  life.'  0  what  a  glorious 
sight,  could  I  come  home  next  spring  and  see  all  our 
dear  family  converted  to  Christ,  and  living  for  eter- 
nity.    Love  to  all  from  your  affectionate  son, 

"CHARLES." 

"Sabbath  Morning,  June  12,  1836. — God  has 
been  precious  to  me  this  morning.  In  studying  my 
Sabbath-school  lesson,  while  referring  to  passages  of 
Scripture,  I  met  this  :  '  Where  your  treasure  is,  there 
will  your  heart  be  also.'  While  reflecting  upon  it, 
the  fire  in  my  heart  burned,  and  my  spirit  was 
broken.  Precious  gospel ;  more  precious  than  gold, 
yea,  than  much  fine  gold." 

"  Monday,  Aug.  8. — This  day  I  begin  the  26th 
year  of  my  life.  0  how  rapidly  time  flies.  A  few 
days  and  I  shall  be  no  more.  Others  will  fill  my 
place,  and  I  be  forgotten  among  the  children  of  men. 
What  could  man  do  without  the  hope  of  immortal- 
ity and  of  knowing  something  hereafter,  especially 
of  the  love  of  God  ?  Set  apart  this  as  a  day  of  fast- 
ing and  prayer.  May  it  be  profitable."  This  appears 
to  have  been  his  usual  practice  on  every  birthday. 

On  commencing  his  second  year  in  college,  Mr. 
Porter  writes  thus  in  his  diary : 

"  Oct.  9,  1836. — During  the  vacation  I  found  my 
soul  greatly  blessed.     Perhaps  it  was  because  I  did 


FIRST  TWO   YEARS   AT  COLLEGE.  53 

not  have  to  confine  my  devotions  to  a  particular 
length  of  time.  While  I  was  at  home  I  came  to  a 
decision  with  respect  to  becoming  a  missionary.  It 
has  been  on  my  mind  for  months,  but  I  fear  that  I 
have  not  enough  made  it  a  subject  of  prayer.  I  fear 
also  that  I  resolved  to  go  from  wrong  motives.  I 
do  not  feel  fit  to  be  a  missionary,  but  may  the  Lord 
prepare  me.  I  have  as  yet  no  desire  to  change  my 
purpose.  From  the  moment  I  placed  my  name  on 
the  card,  I  felt  a  peace  of  mind  as  to  this  subject 
which  I  had  not  felt  before.  My  not  being  decided 
on  this  point,  may  have  been  the  very  reason  why  I 
have  no  more  grown  in  grace.  Since  that  time  I 
can  truly  say  that  I  believe  my  path  to  have  been 
upward.  The  latter  part  of  the  vacation  I  spent  in 
my  beloved  Westfield." 

He  mentions  the  sickness  and  death  of  several 
friends  in  that  place  ;  speaks  with  great  earnestness 
and  tender  afiection  of  those  he  loved,  praying  that 
he  may  know  his  duty  with  respect  to  them,  and 
alludes  to  the  trial  he  was  to  meet  in  declaring  his 
resolution  to  be  a  missionary.  He  had  reason  to 
suppose  that  his  mother  would  scarcely  acquiesce  in 
its  propriety,  and  says,  "  I  have  not  yet  told  her  my 
decision,  because  I  do  not  wish  to  wound  her  feel 
ings  so  long  before  the  time." 

"  Oct.  13. — This  day  has  been  greatly  blessed  to 
my  soul.     When  reading  the  20th  chapter  of  John 


54  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

this  morning-,  I  was  surprised  and  delighted.  Never 
before  do  I  recoilect  having  my  heart  opened  to  drmk 
in  God's  word  so  abmidantly.  Never  before  did  I 
see  such  exceeding  richness  in  it.  I  was  astonished 
to  think  I  had  read  the  same  passage  so  many  times, 
and  yet  never  seen  its  beauty — its  exceeding  loveli- 
ness. How  true  it  is,  that  '  the  natural  man  dis- 
cerneth  not  the  thhigs  of  the  Spirit.'  Neither  do 
Christians  always  ;  for  alas,  how  often  it  is  a  book 
opened  too  much  from  duty  and  not  from  hearty  love. 
I  was  delighted  to  discover  its  richness,  and  hope 
hereafter  my  heart  will  always  be  m  a  proper  state. 
It  is  a  rich  feast  to  spend  half  an  hour  alone  with 
God,  and  if  I  could  have  only  this  during  the  day,  I 
ought  to  be  willing  to  toil  hard  all  the  rest  of  the 
day  for  it.  But  blessed,  blessed  be  God,  I  can  take 
an  hour  and  a  half  every  day,  and  often  much  more 
for  this  purpose.  Bless  the  Lord,  0  my  soul.  Al- 
though I  am  not  as  fond  of  study  as  of  prayer,  yet 
if  the  Lord  lets  me  have  a  place  and  time  in  which 
I  can  commune  with  him  without  distraction,  I  am 
willing  to  study  or  do  any  thing  else  which  he  assigns 
me.  May  I  remember  that  it  is  for  his  sake  I  study." 
"Oct.  25. — I  have  enjoyed  more  the  presence  of 
God  thus  far  the  present  term,  than  for  a  long  time. 
Many  precious  seasons  have  I  had.  But  I  am  es- 
pecially gi-ieved  this  evening  that  I  so  often  offend 
my  Saviour.     Alas,  how  feeble  is  man.     I  go  astray 


FIRST  TWO   YEARS   AT   COLLEGE.  55 

like  a  foolish  child.  I  have  sweet  seasons  with  God, 
and  then  go  out  and  any  one  would  think  that  he 
was  farthest  from  my  thoughts.  Alas,  alas,  when  shall 
I  be  hke  God  ?    O  for  a  baptism  of  the  Holy  Ghost." 

"  Dec.  6. — My  soul  is  exceedingly  vexed  with 
pride — always  panting  after  earthly  honors.  Yet 
my  blessed  God  has  seen  fit  to  give  me  no  honors 
among  men.  Blessed  be  his  name,  he  knew  I  had 
not  humility  enough  to  receive  them  without  pride. 
0,  if  I  can  but  be  contented,  yea,  rejoiced  to  have 
one  take  the  palm  in  composition,  and  another  in 
the  languages.  Yea,  let  the  honors  be  distributed 
all  about .  me,  only  let  me  be  a  little  one,  dressed  in 
a  garment  of  humility,  and  seated  in  some  retired 
corner,  out  of  sight,  but  feasting  on  my  Saviour's 
love ;  let  me  but  be  crowned  by  him,  then  shall  I 
be  happy.  Take,  my  friends,  these  earthly  honors  ; 
may  they  do  you  good  :  give  me  the  approbation  of 
my  Master.  I  bless  God  he  has  made  others  better 
men,  better  scliolars,  than  myself.  May  I  therefore 
learn  humility." 

Under  date  of  February  5,  Mr.  Porter,  after  speak- 
ing of  having  neglected  his  diary,  and  resolving  to 
write  in  it  at  least  once  a  week,  says, 

"  In  the  vacation  I  have  reason  to  hope  that  God 
blessed  his  word.  Since  the  term  commenced  I  have 
heard  of  the  conversion  of  my  elder  sister,  for  which 
praised  be  his  holy  name.     It  has  shown  me  my 


56  CHARLES   II.    PORTER. 

utter  want  of  faith,  and  I  hope  thrown  me  more 
upon  Christ."  Pie  also  mentions  the  conversion  of 
a  member  of  his  Bible  class,  and  speaks  of  a  public 
fast  and  renewal  of  the  covenant  by  the  churches  of 
the  city,  and  of  some  cases  of  hopeful  turning  to 
God  there,  as  well  as  of  revivals  of  religion  else- 
where. In  these  scenes  he  mingled  with  joy,  and 
declares,  "  Never  have  I  felt  more  my  own  nothing- 
ness and  unfitness  to  labor  for  God." 

The  next  day  Mr.  Porter  complains,  "  Find  my 
feehngs  vary  too  much  with  outward  circumstances. 
Have  been  led  to  doubt  whether  I  ever  possessed 
true  love  to  God.  A  kind  of  sluggislniess  has  crept 
over  my  soul." 

This  is  the  first  intimation  in  his  diary  of  his 
having  a  doubt  respecting  his  interest  in  Christ. 
With  all  the  variations  of  his  feelings  he  still  trusted 
in  him.  The  happiness  he  found  in  liis  service  led 
him  to  feel  that  he  ought  not  to  doubt  that  he  was 
a  child  of  God,  though  he  often  mourned  his  coming 
short  m  duty. 

Alluding  to  the  monthly  concert  of  prayer,  he 
further  says,  "  Have  felt  for  a  year  past  much  inter- 
est for  Canada.  That  may  yet  be  the  field  to  which 
my  Saviour  would  have  me  go."  We  have  here  an 
intimation  of  a  feeling  which  we  find  afterwards 
strengthening,  and  leading  him  to  one  of  his  most 
Buccessful  fields  of  labor. 


FIRST  TWO   YEARS   AT   COLLEGE.  57 

He  was  now  in  the  practice  of  going  out  occasion- 
ally to  some  of  the  villages  near  New  Haven,  and 
attending  a  meeting  in  the  evening,  and  sometimes 
on  the  Sabbath.  Referring  to  an  invitation  to  en- 
gage in  such  labor,  he  says,  "  Was  requested  yester- 
day to  attend  a  meetmg  at  "West  Haven,  but  felt  that 
it  would  not  be  right  to  leave  my  studies,  though 
nothing  would  have  more  accorded  with  my  feelings, 
had  duty  directed  me  to  go.  Have  felt  a  deeper  inter- 
est in  college  of  late." 

"Saturday  Evening,  February  12. — God  is  evi- 
dently in  the  city.  There  have  been  several  conver- 
sions the  past  week.  The  work  exceedingly  still : 
no  noise,  bustle,  or  excitement.  Went  over  my  les- 
son as  speedily  as  possible,  that  I  might  go  and  see 
a  member  of  my  Bible  class.  Found  a  great  change 
in  her  feelings,  and  hope  it  has  been  wrought  of 
God." 

Alluding  to  the  expulsion  of  a  class-mate  for  vi- 
cious conduct,  he  says,  "  Could  not  but  contrast  liis 
situation  with  mine,  and  ask.  Who  hath  made  us  to 
differ  ?  Prayed  that  it  might  be  the  means  of  lead- 
ing him  to  Christ." 

"  Spent  more  than  three-quarters  of  an  hour  in 
prayer  this  evening  for  a  broken  and  contrite  heart ; 
did  not  obtain  it,  but  feel  determined  not  to  rest  till 
I  do." 

The  23d  of  February  was  observed  as  the  amiual 


5S  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

day  of  fasting  and  prayer  for  colleges.  This  day  is 
a  most  important  one  in  those  mstitutions  where  it 
is  observed.  A  special  blessing  seems  to  attend  it. 
It  appears  as  if  the  hearts  of  mothers,  fathers,  broth- 
ers, sisters,  and  friends,  breaking  as  it  were  and  flow- 
ing together,  were  drawn  out  in  wrestling  urgency 
for  the  sons  and  brothers  and  loved  relatives  they 
have  sent  forth  from  the  hallowed  circle  of  home  to 
the  various  seats  of  learning.  The  youth  themselves 
cannot  but  feel  it.  Not  a  few,  from  time  to  time,  refer 
their  first  serious  impressions  while  in  college  to  this 
day.     Mr.  Porter,  alluding  to  it  the  next  day,  says, 

"  Yesterday  was  greatly  blessed  :  deep  searchings 
of  soul  seem  to  have  been  its  prevailing  character- 
istics ;  especially  was  it  so  with  me.  Scarcely  ever 
has  my  soul  been  more  searched." 

The  notices  in  Mr.  Porter's  diary  are  now  more 
infrequent.  He  blames  himself  for  not  keeping  up 
his  resolution  of  entering  a  record  at  least  once  a 
week  ;  but  probably  he  was  much  occupied,  both  in 
his  studies  and  his  labors  in  the  revival,  which  he 
alludes  to  as  one  of  much  power,  resulting  in  numer- 
ous conversions,  some  of  them  quite  reinarkable.  He 
notices  the  return  of  the  day  in  which  he  first  united 
with  the  church  of  Christ,  and  speaks  of  a  conver- 
sation with  a  class-mate,  now  deceased,  the  first  in 
his  class  in  literary  standing,  and  says,  though  he 
detained  him  from  tea  unintentionally,  yet  "  he  re- 


FIRST  TWO   YEARS  AT  COLLEGE.  59 

marked  to  me  that  my  conversation  was  so  profitable, 
lie  did  not  wish  to  interrupt  it.  He  seemed  to  say- 
it  from  the  heart.  0  that  I  may  be  the  means  of 
wimiing  his  heart  to  Christ.  I  have  had  several 
serious  conversations  with  him." 

"March  16. — Felt  somewhat  encouraged  with 
regard  to  my  studies.  Have  had  to  study  very  hard 
Wednesday  afternoons  and  evenings" — usually  sea- 
sons for  recreation  and  meetings  of  societies — "  at 
which  my  heart  revolted.  Did  it  because  I  thought 
it  duty."  "Can  perceive  a  great  improvement  in 
my  studies,  though  I  have  to  toil- for  it.  But  I  am 
convinced  that  much  of  the  disciplme  which  I  need 
will  be  lost  unless  I  learn  to  conquer.  May  the  Lord 
prepare  me  by  hard  labor  for  any  station  in  which 
my  Redeemer  shall  be  pleased  to  place  me.  May 
he  keep  me  from  ambitious  motives.  I  fear  they  are 
too  much  intermingled  with  others,  and  that  the  love 
of  the  praise  of  man  will  exert  too  great  an  influ- 
ence over  me." 

He  mentions,  about  this  time,  that  he  had  relin- 
quished his  Bible  class  in  the  city,  and  taken  upon 
himself  the  superintendence  of  the  Sabbath-school  at 
"Westville. 

There  is  no  intimation  where  he  spent  the  spring 
vacation,  but  we  find  him  again,  in  the  summer  term, 
entered  on  the  severest  studies  of  the  second  year  in 
college. 


60  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

CHAPTER  V. 

EFFORTS   TO  DO   GOOD. 

During  the  earlier  part  of  his  college  course,  Mr. 
Porter  had  been  in  a  great  degree  free  from  peciui- 
iary  want ;  at  least,  scarcely  the  mention  of  such 
need  appears  among  his  papers,  from  the  time  of  his 
leaving  New  York  for  Westfield.  But  the  year  1837, 
as  is  well  known,  was  a  year  of  great  pecuniary 
embarrassments  m  our  country,  and  it  was  to  be  ex- 
pected he  would  feel  the  pressure  of  the  times.  As 
early  as  June  of  this  year,  we  find  intunations  to 
this  effect.     Thus  he  says, 

"  Met  with  some  disappointments  with  regard  to 
pecuniary  concerns,  but  if  my  heavenly  Father  would 
have  me  contmue  in  college  he  will  provide  the 
means."  Again  :  "Pecuniary  means  have  been  un- 
expectedly provided.  Received  a  letter  a  few  days 
since,  saying  that  I  must  by  no  means  leave  college. 
That  my  friends  preferred  to  retrench  their  private 
expenses,  that  the  necessary  amount  might  be  made 
up  for  me.  A  friend  has  made  a  liberal  donation, 
to  be  called  for  when  I  please.  Thus,  my  heavenly 
Father  provides,  in  ways  unseen  by  me." 

It  shows  the  strong  hold  Mr.  Porter  had  on  the 
sympathies  and  affections  of  those  kmd  friends,  and 
the  expectations  which  they  felt  they  might  reason- 


EFFORTS  TO  DO  GOOD.  61 

ably  cherish  of  his  future  usefulness,  that  at  such  a 
period  they  preferred  to  make  sacrifices  of  their  own 
comfort  rather  than  that  he  should  not  go  forward 
in  his  studies.  In  allusion  to  his  dependent  situa- 
tion, and  the  kindness  he  received,  he  says, 

"  Find  it  a  great  advantage  to  be  poor.  It  affords 
God's  people  a  channel  for  their  benevolence,  thus 
making  them  happy.  Have  been  forcibly  struck 
with  tliis  fact  in  relation  to  the  people  of  Westville. 
For  some  time  they  did  not  know  my  circumstances ; 
they  feared  to  offer  me  aid  lest  my  pride  might  be 
wounded.  But  by  inquiry  they  found  out  my  situa- 
tion, and  now  seem  very  desirous  to  assist  in  giving 
me  an  education.  When  one  source  is  cut  ofi",  another 
seems  at  once  to  open.  He  has  given  me  many 
warm  friends  at  Westville." 

Mr,  Porter's  vacation,  previous  to  the  commence- 
ment of  his  junior  year  in  college,  was  partly  spent 
in  Norwich.  The  only  notice  we  have  during  this 
interval,  is  in  some  extracts,  from  a  letter  to  his  friend 
D ,  of  New  York.  It  is  dated,  Norwich,  Sep- 
tember 1,  1837.  In  answer  to  a  request  that  he 
would  call  on  a  friend,  he  says, 

"  On  your  account  I  may.  I  never  allow  the 
pleasure  of  visiting  to  interfere  with  more  important 
duties."  Again  :  "  I  am  thankful  that  the  hardest 
part  of  my  whole  course  of  study  is  through,  I  think 
I  may  with  safety  say,  tvell  through'^ 


62  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

He  acknowledges  a  kind  donation  of  clothing  which 
he  had  received  during  the  past  summer,  of  which 
he  retained  such  articles  as  he  needed,  and  says, 
"  Disposed  to  one  and  another  of  almost  all  the  re- 
mainder, and  thus  saved  many  a  dollar  for  a  poor 
Btudent,  which  in  these  times  I  can  assure  you  came 
not  amiss." 

Alluding  to  the  case  of  a  young  friend,  who  still 
continued  unconverted  after  having  been  some  time 
under  conviction,  he  suggests  the  effort  to  "  throw 
her  upon  the  sovereignty  of  God,"  and  remarks, 
"  Perhaps  it  might  lead  her  to  her  Saviour.  But 
after  aU,  how  feeble  is  human  instrumentahty.  We 
may  talk  and  talk  for  ever,  but  v*dthout  God's  blessing 
it  avails  nothing.  My  dear  brother,  if  we  would 
win  men  to  Christ  we  must  be  more  in  prayer.  We 
must  water  our  couch  with  tears,  and  our  hearts 
must  yearn  with  humble,  holy  ardor  for  the  salva- 
tion of  souls.  Humility,  brother,  profound  humility 
before  the  great  and  holy  God,  is  what  is  needed 
by  us. 

"  I  am  glad  to  hear  that  your  Sabbath-school  pros- 
pers ;  but  take  care,  brother.  The  devil  is  always 
ready  to  puff  up  with  pride  those  who  try  to  do 
good.  Let  every  successful  effort  humble  you  in  the 
dust,  and  make  you  feel  your  own  un worthiness  that 
God  should  bestow  such  high  favor  on  a  woitq  of 
the  dust,  a  poor  lost  simier — lost  for  ever  without 


EFFORTS  TO  DO  GOOD.  63 

the  saving  arm  of  the  blessed  Redeemer,  which  has 
plucked  you  as  a  brand  from  the  buriimg." 

Mr,  Porter's  first  entry  in  his  diary,  in  his  Junior 
year,  bears  date  Oct.  4,  "  Was  sick  about  a  third 
of  the  vacation.  Health  entirely  recovered.  Had  a 
melting  season  on  the  Friday  fast,  in  the  vacation, 
alone  in  the  w^oods.  Hope  to  devote  this  year  to 
God  more  entirely  than  any  hitherto." 

"  Oct.  25. — I  long  for  the  time  to  come  when  I 
shall  not  be  chained  down  to  study.  Though  I  have 
become  fond  of  it,  I  wish  to  spend  more  time  in  domg 
good.  But  I  must  learn  neither  to  neglect  study  nor 
the  cause  of  God." 

*' Oct.  27. — I  hope  it  may  never  be  said  of  me, 
'  Since  he  has  been  to  college  he  has  lost  his  piety.' 
But,  blessed  Redeemer,  may  I  continually  grow  in 
grace,  and  may  my  last  two  years  in  college  be  by 
far  my  best." 

He  mentions  on  one  occasion,  November  2,  havmg 
spent  an  hour  and  a  half  or  three-quarters  mostly  in 
prayer.  "I  felt,"  he  says,  "that  Jesus  was  near 
me  the  unworthy,  and  my  eyes  flowed  freely.  0 
that  such  seasons  may  lead  me  near  to  my  God.  I 
feel  that  I  have  been  peculiarly  blessed  thus  far 
another  year.  I  have  prayed  and  still  pray  that  it 
may  be  more  devoted  to  God  than  any  preceding 
year.  0  that  I  might  grow  in  grace,  advance  from 
day  to  day,  and  month  to  month,  and  year  to  year, 


64  CHARLES   H.  PORTER. 

until  tills  perisliiiig  body  shall  decay.  0  my  God, 
my  Saviour,  do  thou  sanctify  me  wholly,  that  I  may 
reflect  the  image  of  my  dear  Redeemer  in  all  my 
ways.  I  feel  the  need  of  greater  humility,  and  an 
eye  single  to  God's  glory."  He  also  remarks,  "  I 
feel  my  need  of  locrsieverance,  though  my  friends 
seem  to  tlnnk  that  I  possess  it." 

"  Dec.  11. — My  leanness,  my  leamiess.  Though 
God  has  poured  upon  me  the  greatest  temporal  bless- 
ings, yet  my  soul  seems  to  be  blighted.  Perhaps  I 
have  too  much  concern  as  to  where  I  shall  go  to 
preach.  But  why  be  concerned?  If  God  sees  fit, 
he  will  send  me  forth  when  I  am  ready.  Let  me, 
therefore,  leave  all  with  liim." 

In  a  letter  to  his  friend  and  correspondent,  Mr. 
D of  New  York,  December  21,  Mr.  Porter  says, 

"  One-tliird  of  the  Junior  year  is  passed ;  soon, 
very  soon  shall  I  take  my  farewell  of  these  hterary 
walls,  and  enter  on  my  theological  course.  Four 
years  and  a  half  smce  I  commenced  my  studies  I 
AYlio  can  realize  it  ?  How  wonderfully  hath  the 
Lord  dealt  with  me.  My  health,  about  which  so 
many  fears  were  expressed  at  the  commencement  of 
my  course,  has  been  all  the  time  good,  except  two 
or  three  short  periods  of  illness ;  and  I  have  pros- 
pered m  my  studies  beyond  my  expectation.  My 
rehgious  feelings  smce  I  began  to  study  have  been 
variable.     Sometimes  I  have  walked  in  the  light, 


EFFORTS   TO  DO  GOOD.  65 

and  at  others  groped  iii  darkness,  though  I  sincerely 
pray  that  a  college  life  may  not  leave  me  with  less 
piety  than  at  my  entrance  upon  it.  "With  regard  to 
pecuniary  concerns  the  Lord  hath  dealt  bountifully 
with  me.  I  have  thus  far  been  provided  for,  though 
when  I  left  my  business  I  could  not  see  a  week  be- 
fore me.  I  knew  not  how  I  could  get  along,  and  yet 
you  see  my  absolute  wants  have  been  supplied.  I 
Iiave  never  really  suffered,  though  many  times  I 
have  7ieeded  what  I  did  not  possess.^' 

"  Dec.  27. — Saw  a  new  tribute  to  James  B.  Tay- 
lor, and  having  read  the  preface,  purchased  it,  believ- 
ing that  those  who  assist  me  would  not  tliink  that 
lost  or  wasted  which  tends  to  fit  me  to  be  a  better 
mmister  of  Jesus  Christ.  The  term  has  almost 
closed.  We  have  had  our  election  for  appointments. 
My  division  have  ranked  me  in  the  first  third  in 
science,  but  not  in  literature.  Whether  the  faculty 
will  honor  me  with  an  appointment  I  know  not,  and 
feel  no  concern  ;  if  I  fear  on  either  side,  it  is  that  they 
will  rank  me  higher  than  I  deserve.  But  though 
not  a  good  scholar,  I  bless  God  that  I  can  neverthe- 
less be  a  good  man,  and,  with  his  blessing,  do  much 
good." 

He  spent  liis  vacation  in  Terrysville,  a  manufac- 
turing village  in  the  town  of  Plymouth,  Connecticut. 
Though  he  was  a  stranger,  his  labors  here  were 
greatly  blessed.     Soon  after  he  arrived,  a  church  was 

Mem.  Porter.  O 


66  CHARLES   H.   PORTER. 

formed  and  meetings  were  commenced.  "VYith.  few 
exceptions  he  found  professing  Christians  cold,  and 
says,  "Prospects  for  usefuhiess  during  vacation  are 
rather  discouraging."  For  his  ovna  benefit  he  com- 
menced reading  Pilgrim's  Progress,  and  learning  the 
references.  He  also  began  a  system  of  visits  to 
Ikmihes,  entering  into  personal  conversation  with 
each  member,  and  was  enabled  to  do  much  good. 
A  revival  of  religion,  evidently  the  work  of  the  Spirit 
of  God,  commenced ;  the  church  was  roused,  and  some 
ten  or  more  persons  were  soon  inquiruig  the  way  to 
eternal  life. 

Mr.  Porter  employed  his  mornings  m  study,  and 
liis  afternoons  in  visiting.  In  the  evemng  meetings 
were  held,  and  also  on  the  Sabbath ;  they  were  gen- 
erally well  filled,  and  sometimes  crowded  with  at- 
tentive and  M^eeping  hearers.  Soon  one  and  another 
were  uidulging  hope  in  Christ. 

He  early  won  his  way  to  the  hearts  of  the  people, 
and  they  appear  to  have  had  a  great  desire  that  he 
should  spend  some  weeks  with  them.  The  vacation, 
however,  continued  but  two  weeks,  and  his  duty  re- 
cpiired  him  to  return  to  college.  The  trial  of  his  feel- 
ings in  respect  to  leavmg  them,  is  described  in  the 
Ibllowing  extracts  from  liis  diary  : 

•'  Jan.  16. — Evening.  Have  been  visiting  all  day 
and  bidding  the  people  farewell.  Astonished  to  find 
that  ahuost  every  family  feci  as  if  /  ?)iuU  not  ^o. 


EFFORTS   TO  DO  GOOD.  67 

Had  a  very  sweet  time,  and  a  broken  heart,  while  at 
prayer  m  a  poor  widow's  house.  Find  that  there  is 
an  almost  universal  seriousness.  Christians  feel 
much  more  than  they  did,  but  they  need  more  bro- 
kemiess  of  spirit.  More  or  less  impenitent  smners  in 
ahnost  every  house  feel  for  their  souls." 

"Jan.  17. — Last  evening  I  gave  the  people  my 
farewell.  The  house  was  full  almost  to  overflowing ; 
it  was  the  most  solemn  meeting  we  have  had.  At 
one  time  I  should  think  half  the  congregation  were 
in  tears.  Some  in  the  course  of  the  evening  sobbed 
aloud.  Some  anxious  ones  remauied,  and  four  or  five 
young  converts.  After  a  meeting  of  the  committee 
of  the  church,  they  wished  to  know  if  it  was  a  pos- 
sible thing  for  me  to  stay  over  the  Sabbath.  They 
said  that  on  Monday  they  would  see  me  home."  He 
determmed  that  it  was  his  duty  to  remam.  "  In- 
deed," he  says,  "  I  hardly  should  dare  to  go  away 
without  some  one  to  enter  m  who  could  put  ui  the 
sickle." 

"  Afternoon.     Found  Mrs.  B ,  the  wife  of  a 

Universalist,  hopmg  that  she  had  made  her  peace 
with  God.  A  young  man  also  feels  determined  to 
live  henceforward  for  Christ.  He  is  about  eighteen 
years  old,  and  I  hope  will  exert  a  happy  mfluence. 
Another,  a  young  lady,  feels  willing  to  give  up  all 
for  Christ,  and  seems  fully  decided  to  live  for  liis  glory. 
Another  youth  too  gives  some  evidence  of  a  change." 


(53  CHARLES  H.   PORTER. 

"Jan.  19. — Last  evening,  though  the  Malking 
was  bad,  the  house  was  well  filled.  Some  came  two 
or  three  miles.  I  addressed  them  from  the  words, 
'  Will  a  man  rob  God  ?'  I  endeavored  to  show  them 
that  they  had  robbed  Him  of  the  service  of  their 
mmds,  of  the  proper  exercise  of  their  ailections,  of 
their  property,  time,  thoughts,  and  conversation.  Af- 
ter I  had  finished;  a  young  man  who  was  a  member 
of  some  church,  but  not  known  here  as  such,  and 
who  had  been  a  leader  m  profaneness  and  iniquity, 
rose  and  confessed  liimself  a  robber  of  God.  He  then 
asked  forgiveness  of  God  and  of  all  his  young  friends, 
and  told  them  he  mtended  to  devote  liimself  to  the 
service  of  Christ.  All  were  surprised,  and  it  is  to  be 
hoped  that  it  may  have  a  happy  effect.  Several 
lingered  after  the  meetmg  to  converse  on  the  subject. 
0  God,  prepare  me  for  this  work.  I  feel  ignorant 
what  to  do,  as  I  have  had  no  experience  m  such 
labors.  Wilt  thou  teach  me,  and  then  I  shall  be 
guided  in  wisdom's  ways. 

"Jan.  20. — Full  meetmg  this  evening,  although 
they  have  prepared  seats  to  accommodate  fifty  more. 
God  seems  to  be  powerfully  at  work,  duite  a  num- 
ber of  young  men,  I  know  not  how  many,  have  come 
out  for  Christ  witlihi  a  day  or  two.  Deep  serious- 
ness reigns  throughout ;  even  the  most  hardened  are 
thoughtful,  and  several  of  the  most  profane  leaders 
in  wickedness  have  laid  down  the  weapons  of  their 


EFFORTS  TO   DO   GOOD.  69 

rebellion.  One  of  them  came  after  the  meeting, 
grasped  my  hand,  and  with  tears  thanked  me  again 
and  again  for  my  faitlifulness  to  him.  It  seemed  as 
if  he  could  not  express  enough,  but  I  directed  him 
to  Christ,  feelmg,  I  believe  in  truth,  that  not  unto 
me  but  unto  His  name  must  be  all  the  glory." 

"Jan.  21. — Sabbath.  House  full  to  overflowing 
all  day.  Some  suppose  that  more  than  three  hun- 
dred were  present.  The  Spirit  of  the  Lord  seems  to 
work  with  a  mighty  energy.  I  never  before  saw 
such  a  work  of  grace  in  so  short  a  time.  More  than 
fifty  stayed  to  converse.  The  Lord  only  laiows  how 
many  have  given  their  hearts  to  Jesus." 

At  this  time  Mr.  Porter  applied  to  the  president 
of  the  college,  for  leave  to  remaui  a  httle  longer  in 
the  prosecution  of  this  important  work  ;  and  havmg 
obtamed  it,  he  contmued  there  until  another  laborer 
arrived. 

"Jan.  23. — Spoke  last  evening  with  reference  to 
false  hopes.  Never  felt  so  much  need  of  the  teach- 
ings of  the  Spirit ;  find  that  God  is  blessing  my  soul 
riclily,  and  not  only  mine  but  many  others.  This 
evening  the  meeting  was  very  full.  Many  are  re- 
joicing ;  one,  ;who  was  determined  he  would  not  be 
a  Christian,  has  meekly  bowed  to  the  truth." 

"  Jan.  25. — Fuid  that  my  discourse  on  false  hopes 
cut  off  many,  threw  many  into  deep  darkness,  al- 
most despondency,   and   made   others   more   estab- 


70  CHARLES  H.   PORTER. 

lished.  These  trials  will  not  hurt  them,  if  they  are 
truly  pious.  Told  them  plainly,  that  I  had  much 
rather  they  would  at  once  throw  away  their  hopes, 
if  they  were  not  sound,  than  to  keep  them  until  they 
were  taken  into  the  church,  and  then  slide  back  into 
the  world,  lilve  many  ungodly  professors  at  the  pres- 
ent day. 

"  Just  heard  of  the  conversion  of  a  young  lady  who 
laughed  at  the  conversation  which  I  had  with  her 
some  days  since.  It  appears  that  for  about  a  week 
she  has  been  under  conviction.  It  has  been  deej)  of 
late,  so  much  so  that  she  almost  despaired  of  mercy. 
She  felt  as  if  she  A^^as  the  worst  of  all,  and  had  al- 
most resolved  to  seek  no  longer.  She  came  to  the 
meeting  ;  the  light  broke  in  upon  her  soul,  and  when 
she  went  home,  she  went  with  Jesus  as  her  friend. 
The  woman  with  whom  she  lives  says  she  is  entirely 
changed.  She  is  humble,  teachable,  and  rejoices 
with  trembling,  lest  her  heart  should,  after  all,  prove 
to  have  deceived  her.  The  same  woman  told  me 
that  she  said  I  appeared  to  her  almost  an  angel.  It 
grieved  me  that  she  should  know  no  more  of  the 
human  heart  than  to  tell  it  to  me.  I  find  difficulty 
enough  in  keepmg  the  flames  of  pride  from  burnmg 
up  my  piety,  without  any  additional  fuel.  I  had  to 
rebuke  the  good  sister,  almost  with  severity,  telling 
her  plainly  she' was  unintentionally  aiming  a  death- 
blow at  my  future  usefulness.     Oh,  that  all  would 


EFFORTS  TO  DO  GOOD.  71 

learn  a  lesson  of  Jesus ;  then  they  would  thuik  less  of 
the  creature,  and  more  of  the  Creator." 

"  Jan.  26.. — Spent  almost  all  day  in  hterally  pray- 
ing out  a  discourse  from  these  words,  *  Oh,  do  not  this 
abominable  tiling  which  I  hate.'  Never  before  felt 
so  willing  to  be  notliing,  that  God  may  be  all  in  all." 
Of  the  delivery  of  this  discourse,  he  says,  "  Never  in 
my  life  was  I  so  buried  and  lost  in  my  subject.  Be- 
fore I  was  through,  I  believe  I  may  say,  in  truth,  the 
whole  congregation  were  in  tears." 

He  records  the  following  rules  for  his  future  action 
in  vacations  :  "  Wherever  I  go, 

*'  1.  Visit  the  people,  and  get  every  family  inter- 
ested in  me  as  an  individual. 

"  2.  Not  propose  meetings  myself  Let  the  peo- 
ple get  hungry  for  them  before  they  commence,  and 
then  not  have  them  too  frequently. 

'■''  3.  Let  me  be  anxious  rather  to  tear  away  false 
hopes  than  to  get  people  to  hope.  The  conversion 
of  a  few  persons  that  will  honor  the  cause  all  their 
lives,  is  much  more  for  the  interest  of  Christ's  king- 
dom, than  of  many  with  little  piety. 

"  4.  Let  me  always  feel  that  I  am  '  a  miracle  of 
grace  ;'  that  I  am  to  do  God's  work,  not  mine  ;  and 
that  if  I  tliink  much  of  myself,  God  may  blast  my 
hopes  of  usefulness.  He  has  no  need  of  my  services, 
and  can  easily  dispense  with  them  without  any  detri- 
ment to  his  kingdom." 


72  CHARLES   II.   PORTER. 

"  I  find  I  am  iii  a  world  of  danger.  God  has  al- 
ready crowned  my  labors  with  unexpected  success. 
He  has  given  me  many  souls  as  seals  of — what  ?  I 
was  about  to  say,  faithfulness ;  but  my  conscience 
eays,  No.  He  has  converted,  as  we  trust,  many 
through  his  abounding  grace." 

Alluding  to  liis  addresses  on  the  danger  of  a  false 
hope,  he  says,  though  they  "  shook  the  hope  of  many, 
and  destroyed  the  hopes  of  others,"  yet  they  "seem 
to  have  been  blessed.  Some  who  were  thrown  into 
the  deepest  darkness,  have  come  out  like  gold ;  they 
are  humble,  and  fearful  lest  they  should  be  left  to 
injure  the  cause  they  profess  1x>  love;  yet  they  are 
happy." 

He  mentions  the  arrival  of  a  young  minister  to- 
spend  some  weeks  with  the  people.  ^li\  Porter 
went  around  with  him  and  introduced  liirn  to  the 
families.  He  rejoiced  to  leave  them  in  such  good 
hands,  but  was  tried  at  the  thought  of  parting  with 
them.  His  heart  lingered  around  the  sacred  spot, 
and  it  seemed  as  if  he  could  hardly  tear  himself 
away.  AVe  find  him  often  afterwards  looldng  back 
with  peculiar  interest  and  deep  emotion  to  the  place 
and  the  blessed  scenes  in  which  he  had  been  engaged 
in  this  vacation.     He  says, 

"Jan.  31. — This  day  finishes  a  month  which 
has  been  spent  in  this  place ;  and  what  hath  God 
wrought  ?     Surely  I  am  astonished  at  the  wonder- 


EFFORTS  TO  DO  GOOD.  73 

ful  change.  Several  family-altars  have  been  erected. 
Some  families  are  almost  entirely  changed.  God 
has  riclily  blessed  the  people." 

With  these  feehngs  he  left  the  place  hallowed  in 
his  memory  by  such  tokens  of  mercy,  where  he  had 
poured  out  so  many  prayers,  and  counsels,  and  tears, 
and  where  he  had  won  so  strong  a  hold  on  the  aflec- 
tions  of  the  little  community.  The  committee  of  the 
church  gave  him  tliirty-five  dollars,  and  presents 
were  added  from  mdividuals.  Thus,  while  he  was 
seekmg  to  benefit  the  souls  of  others,  God  was  rais- 
ing up  for  liim  those  who  mmistered  to  his  temporal 
necessities. 

On  his  return  to  Xew  Haven  he  wrote  to  his 
mother,  accounting  for  his  not  visiting  home  in  the 
vacation. 

"Yale  College,  Feb.  7,  1S3S. 
'•My  deaFw  Mother, — I  returned  from  Tenysville 
last  Friday,  after  an  absence  of  five  weeks.  You 
must  not  think  that  I  have  no  desu'e  to  come  home. 
I  thought  of  my  father,  and  mother,  and  sisters,  and 
friends ;  but  duty  seemed  to  point  a  difierent  way, 
and  I  camiot  say  but  it  will  next  vacation.  I  am 
aware  that  it  is  hard  for  you  to  spare  me  from  home, 
and  it  causes  me  pain,  when  I  allow  myself  to  dwell 
upon  it,  to  be  so  long  absent.  But  w^hat  shall  I  do  ? 
The  world  is  perishing,  and  needs  all  the  moral  and 
mental  energy  that  can  be  apphed  to  reclaim  it ;  and 


74  CJIARLES  II.   PORTER. 

if  God  can  make  use  of  the  talent  lie  has  given  me, 
to  advance  his  Avork  at  all,  I  feel  bound  to  do  it, 
though  at  the  expense  of  your  feelings  and  my  own. 
But  why  should  I  say  my  own  ?  For  I  love  the 
work,  and  notliuig  gives  me  greater  dehght  than  the 
faitliful  discharge  of  duty.  But  there  is  nevertheless 
a  natural  tie  that  is  strong  and  hard  to  be  broken. 
I  wish  to  guard  you  lest,  if  I  should  be  absent  in 
vacations,  you  should  feel  that  I  have  lost  my  inter- 
est in  home,  and  seek  pleasure  somewhere  else.  If 
I  know  my  own  heart,  it  is  not  pleasure  that  I  seek, 
though  it  comes  as  a  matter  of  course  from  the  dis- 
charge of  duty.  I  love  my  dear  home  as  well  as 
ever ;  but  I  must  seek,  hereafter,  not  ')ny  own,  but 
the  tliuigs  wliich  are  Jesus  Christ's.  My  health  is 
veiy  good.     Love  to  all. 

*' As  ever,  your  beloved  son, 

"CHAELES.'- 

His  return  from  Terrj'sville  was  hailed  by  those 
who  had  before  enjoyed  his  labors  at  AYestville,  and 
he  immediately  entered  on  a  contiimance  of  them. 
Fresh  from  the  scenes  of  a  revival,  with  a  heart 
glowing  with  zeal  and  love  for  souls,  his  jDresence 
seemed  to  infuse  new  life  there.  The  meeting  he 
there  held,  on  bemg  resumed,  was  full  and  solemn. 
After  he  had  addressed  the  church,  "  one  of  the  dea- 
cons arose  and  confessed  his  declension  from  God,  and 
resolved  to  live  a  better  life."     His  diary  proceeds  : 


EFFORTS  TO  DO  GOOD.  75 

"  Feb.  9. — Have  thus  far  this  term  enjoyed  much 
of  the  presence  of  God.  I  have  not  that  dehght 
of  which  Taylor  speaks,  but  I  have  a  sweet  calm. 
Jesus  seems  precious,  and  I  feel  desirous  of  spenduig 
my  time  entirely  for  him.  Brother  S n's  sugges- 
tion with  respect  to  consecratmg  every  lesson  to 
God  as  soon  as  I  have  learned  it,  and  any  portion  of 
Scripture  which  I  read  or  hear,  I  like  very  much. 
It  tends  to  humility.  It  makes  me  feel  that  I  am 
not  my  own,  but  am  entirely  Christ's.  It  is  my  ear- 
nest prayer  that  tliis  term  may  be  fully  dedicated  to 
God,  that  I  may  know  that  I  grow  ui  grace.  Thus 
far  I  feel  I  can  sincerely  say  I  have  done  so,  and  may 
the  blessed  God  keep  me.  '  Hold  thou  me  up,  and 
I  shall  be  safe.'  " 

"  Afternoon.  Went  to  brother  C 's  room  be- 
fore dinner,  and  as  both  of  us  cared  more  about  con- 
versing on  religion  than  for  our  dinner,  we  stayed 
at  his  room  and  spent  the  time  ui  conversation  and 
prayer.  He  has  been  greatly  blessed.  Many  mem- 
bers of  the  school  which  he  has  been  teachuig,  have 
been  converted.  God  has  taught  liim  a  new  lesson. 
I  hope  he  will  go  on  from  term  to  term  with  the 
same  spirit." 

Mr.  Porter  was  now  contmually  devising  methods 
of  active  effort.  Thus  he  writes,  "  Why  may  I  not 
see  my  impenitent  friends  at  our  table  converted  ? 
I  know  the  Spirit  of  God  must  do  it,  but  he  has 


76  CHARLES   H.  PORTER. 

promised  a  blessing.  They  are  thoughtless  for  aught 
I  know,  but  God  can  awaken  them.  0  blessed  Re- 
deemer, wilt  thou  not  honor  thyself  m  their  conver- 
sion ?  Lord,  if  thou  canst  make  use  of  me,  AA'ilt  thou 
do  it ;  or  any  one,  0  Lord,  whom  thou  wdlt  send. 
I  feel  that  I  can  rejoice  in  their  conversion,  if  I  have 
to  be  laid  aside  lor  it.     0  Lord,  revive  thy  work. 

Convert  H ,  and  L- ,  and  M ,  and  P . 

Not  my  will,  but  thine  be  done." 

"  Kesolved,  that  even  if  no  other  Christian  brother 
IS  willing  to  exert  liimself  for  the  salvation  of  my 
class-mates,  I  will  go  forward  in  the  strength  of  my 
Redeemer.     I  will  try  to  bring  them  to  Christ. 

"  I  have  made  so  many  good  resolutions  that  I  am 
almost  afraid  to  make  any  more.  I  feel  weak  and 
utterly  incapable  of  keeping  them,  or  rather,  I  should 
say,  that  my  wickedness  prevents  me  from  keeping 
them.  I  hope  I  have  made  the  above  resolution  in 
full  view  of  the  difficulties  I  may  meet  in  carrying 
it  out.  May  the  Lord  assist  me  in  using  the  7nite 
of  influence  I  have,  in  doing  them  good.  Now  lead 
me,  blessed  Saviour,  day  by  day,  hour  by  hour,  and 
step  by  step  ;  preserve  me  from  domg  any  thing, 
wrong ;  keep  me  from  wounding  conscience.  May 
I  walk  before  thee  ;  may  my  thoughts  be  acceptable 
in  thy  sight ;  may  my  conversation  be  heavenly ; 
may  all  see  and  feel  that  I  have  been  wdth  Jesus ; 
and  may  I  be  a  living  epistle,  known  and  read  of 


EFFORTS  TO  DO  GOOD.  77 

all  men.  May  I  remember  that  my  body  is  the 
temple  of  the  Holy  Ghost.  May  I  be  exceedingly 
careful  not  to  defile  it.  May  the  inmost  recesses 
of  my  heart  be  such  that  I  should  be  willing  to 
have  my  thoughts  brought  out  and  published  to 
the  world.  May  my  life  hereafter  be  more  godlike, 
more  consistent,  and  may  I  every  day  be  doing  all 
my  Master's  will,  and  preparing  for  that  holy  and 
heavenly  rest  which  God  has  provided  for  those  who 
love  him.  So  let  me  live,  so  let  me  die.  So  let  my 
soul  at  death  wing  its  flight  to  purer,  happier  re- 
gions. Use  me,  0  God,  for  thine  own  honor,  in  the 
salvation  of  men." 

"Feb.  12. — Spoke  to  the  people  at  Westville  last 
evening.  Had  some  conversation  with  two  Catholics ; 
found  neither  of  them  had  a  Bible,  but  each  wished 
one.  I  purchased  two  with  the  Lord's  money,  which 
I  intend  to  give  them.  From  the  money  which  I 
receive  from  new  sources,  and  on  which  I  do  not 
depend  regularly  for  support,  I  reserve  one-tenth  for 
giving  where  it  seems  to  be  needed.  I  do  not  think 
it  right  to  give  away  the  money  which  others  save  on 
purpose  for  my  support ;  but  of  that  wliich  comes  in 
unexpectedly,  as  that  which  I  received  the  past  vaca- 
tion, I  tliink  it  right  to  reserve  a  tenth  for  tliis  blessed 
purpose.  This  tenth  I  put  aside  with  the  inscrip- 
tion, '  The  Lord's  money.'  " 


78  CHARLES   H.  PORTER 

CHAPTER  VI. 

JUNIOR  YEAR  IN  COLLEGE. 

The  progress  of  Mr.  Porter's  mind  and  heart  thus 
far  has  been  very  apparent,  and  it  is  evident  that  he 
possessed  many  traits  wliich  prepared  him  for  great 
usefulness.     We  resume  our  extracts  from  his  diary. 

"Feb.   13.  —  Heard   from   Terrj^sville.     Brother 

S is  still  laboring  successfully,  and  I  hope  we 

shall  yet  see  greater  things  in  that  place.  How  1 
long  to  go.  It  seems  as  if  I  could  hardly  be  con- 
tented to  study ;  and  yet  I  believe  I  can  say,  '  Not 
my  will,  but  thine  be  done.'  I  will  try  to  wait  the 
appointed  time,  and  diligently  prepare  myself  for  the 
great  work  which  is  before  me.  God  can  carry  on 
his  work  of  grace  without  my  aid.  Why,  then, 
should  I  not  be  wilhng  to  be  here  ?  Help  thou  me, 
0  God,  that  I  may  gladly  wait  till  thou  shalt  call 
me  into  the  field. 

"  I    conversed  with   H yesterday  about  an 

hour.  He  appeared  to  feel  no  particular  interest, 
but  it  seems  to  me  that  he  will  be  converted.  Wrote 
to  the  converts  at  Terrysville.  Had  an  unusually 
sweet  season  of  communion  with  God  this  evening, 
My  heart  seemed  broken  and  melted.  Thought 
much  of  the  heathen  to-day.  Would  that  my  moth- 
er would  rejoice  to  have  mc  go  and  die  among  them 


JUNIOR   YEAR  IN   COLLEGE.  79 

Should  I  live,  and  not  go  to  Canada,  probably  my 
course  will  be  over  the  great  deep." 

His  feelings  on  this  subject  are  more  fully  express- 
ed in  his  record  a  few  days  later. 

"Feb.  15. — Brother  D tells  me,  that  from 

all  the  colleges  and  seminaries  in  the  United  States, 
scarcely  an  individual  can  be  obtamed  to  go  to  Can- 
ada. Some  are  wilHng  to  go  on  foreign  missions, 
hundreds  on  home  missions  to  the  West,  but  scarcely 
one  can  be  prevailed  on  to  go  to  Canada.  Mr.  Curry 
was  here  two  years  ago,  and  gave  us  a  thrilling  ac- 
count of  the  situation  of  that  people.  Had  I  been 
ready,  I  would  have  gone  at  once ;  and  it  seemed  to 
me  that  the  eight  or  ten  whom  he  asked  for  would 
at  once  be  supplied.  But  tell  them  of  a  township 
ten  miles  square,  with  a  tliinly  scattered  population, 
many  of  whom  are  poor,  ignorant,  and  debased  ;  of 
having  to  preach  anywhere  and  everywhere ;  of  no 
roads,  or  very  bad'  ones,  perhaps  without  bridges ;  of 
no  mtelhgent  or  Christian  society,  not  even  a  minis- 
ter, within  twenty,  tliirty,  or  fifty  miles ;  of  a  freezing 
climate,  with  six  months  of  winter ;  of  a  mixed  pop- 
ulation of  Scotch,  Irish,  French,  Enghsh,  and  Amer- 
icans ;  of  havmg  to  labor  for  a  small  salary,  just 
enough  to  hve  ;  of  being  out  one  side  from  the  world, 
and  laboring  there  as  an  humble  pastor,  unknown 
except  by  a  few  in  the  tovv'-n  or  the  surrounding 
population,  and  of  a  thousand  other  diificulties~and 


80"  CHARLES   H.   PORTER. 

tliey  wish  to  be  excused.  One  makes  one  excuse, 
and  another,  another ;  and  hardly  one  can  be  found 
to  go." 

"  I  was  thinking  tliis  evening,  that  men  have  no 
right  to  be  discouraged  who  are  laboring  for  Christ, 
even  if  they  do  not  have  success.  If  it  were  their 
own  business,  it  would  be  different ;  but  our  duty  is 
to  find  what  God  would  have  us  do.  When  that  is 
settled,  we  must  at  once  do  it,  and  leave  it  with  liim 
to  bless  the  effort  accorduig  to  his  pleasure.  If  we 
are  discouraged  because  it  does  not  turn  out  precisely 
according  to  our  wishes,  it  would  seem  as  if  Ave  are 
'seeking  our  own,  and  not  the  tilings  wliich  are 
Jesus  Christ's.'  " 

The  22d  of  February  was  the  day  of  prayer  for 
colleges.  Mr.  Porter  speaks  of  the  state  of  the  col- 
lege as  being  interesting,  and  of  one  or  two  conver- 
sions wliich  had  taken  place.  He  was,  however,  un- 
expectedly called  to  Westville. 

"  Though  it  was  the  fast  for  colleges  to-day,  and  I 
much  wished  to  be  here,  yet  my  tutor  agreed  with 
me,  that  I  might  be  more  useful  at  Westville  in  vis- 
iting the  people  and  attendmg  the  meeting  in  the 
evening.  Accordingly  I  did  so  :  the  meeting  was 
full  to  overflowing ;  they  had  to  open  two  rooms. 
Things  contmue  to  grow  interesting,  and  I  have 
great  reason  to  hope  there  will  be  a  copious  shower 
of  divine  "fracc. 


JUNIOR  YEAR  IN   COLLEGE.  81 

"  Feb.  23. — Resolved  to  see  every  professing  Cliiis- 
tiaii  in  my  division  " — of  his  class — "  and  endeavor  to 
enlist  his  feehngs  in  the  great  cause.  May  I  receive 
aid  from  heaven.  I  feel  that  I  have  done  wrong  in 
spendmg  my  hour  at  noon  in  conversing  with  brother 

A mostly  on  another  subject  than  the  interests 

of  college. 

"  Feb.  27. — Began  Edwards  on  Uevivals ;  exceed- 
ingly interesting." 

Mr.  Porter  from  time  to  time  heard  of  the  advance 
of  the  work  of  grace  at  Terrysville,  and  he  longed  to 
be  there.  The  number  of  converts  had  increased, 
and  portions  of  the  town  not  before  so  much  blessed 
shared  in  the  grace.  One  factory  was  closed  one 
forenoon,  and  turned  mto  a  place  of  prayer. 

He  seems  to  have  received  much  comfort  from  the 
assurance  that  the  young  converts  whom  he  had 
been  instrumental,  as  he  hoped,  of  leading  to  the 
Saviour,  appeared  so  well.  He  was  mformed  that 
they  were  active  in  seeking  to  lead  others  in  the 
right  way,  and  might  be  seen  "going  to  their  impen- 
itent friends  weepmg,  and  beseecliing  them  to  attend 
to  their  souls'  salvation." 

On  the  18th  of  March,  we  find  Mr.  Porter  at  Hum- 
phreysville,  a  part  of  the  town  of  Derby,  not  far  from 
New  Haven.  He  was  invited  there  by  the  pastor  of 
the  church  to  assist  him  in  an  interesting  state  of  re- 
ligious feehng  among  his  people,  and  obtained  liberty 


S2  CHARLES  H.   PORTER. 

to  be  aLsent  a  few  days  from  college.  From  his  ac- 
count there  appears  to  haA'"e  been  much  to  contend 
with.  The  church  had  not  humbled  themselves  be- 
fore God,  and  did  not  feel  as  they  ought  the  greatness 
of  the  blessing  wliich  they  sought.  Political  meet- 
ings and  school  exhibitions  at  first  drew  off  a  portion 
of  the  people.  But  the  pastor  and  Mr.  Porter  perse- 
vered in  their  prayerful  endeavors,  and  not  without 
success.  On  the  25th  he  writes,  "  Tlie  tide  has 
turned.  The  work  of  the  Lord  now  seems  to  go 
forward.  Several,  we  hope,  have  been  converted, 
though  the  church  has  had  to  wade  through  a  sea  of 
difficulties."  He  received  tokens  of  gratitude  from 
the  people,  and  says,  "  Let  me  remember  brother 

's  treatment  of  mmisters,  and  always  try  to 

make  the  people  satisfied  with  them." 

On  liis  return  from  Humphreysville  he  heard  again 
from  Terrysville,  that  the  work  of  grace  was  still 
contmued  there,  and  says,  "  It  is  a  sweet  comfort  to 
feel  that  one  has  been  instrumental  in  the  salvation 
of  souls,  and  yet  there  is  a  pahiful  anxiety  lest  they 
should  dishonor  the  cause  of  Christ." 

His  heart  w^as  also  gladdened  by  the  receipt  of  a 
letter  from  home  on  the  18th  of  April,  approving  his 
proposed  visit  to  Canada.  His  parents  felt  that  ii 
the  choice  for  him  lay  between  a  foreign  field  and 
one  nearer  home,  they  greatly  preferred  the  latter, 
and  hoped,  that  by  enlisting  liis  feelmgs  in  some  such 


JUNIOR   YEAR  IN   COLLEGE.  8o 

scene  of  labor,  he  might  be  mduced  to  give  up  his 
purpose  of  crossing  the  ocean. 

Mr.  Porter's  next  entry  is  at  Norwich,  durmg  the 
vacation. 

"May  13. — About  the  close  of  the  term  visited 
Terry sville  for  a  few  days.  Found  the  people  in  an 
exceedingly  interesting  state.  Meetings  were  crowd- 
ed. Many  had  been  hopefully  converted  since  I  left ; 
many  more  were  anxious,  and  some  it  is  hoped  were 
converted  while  I  was  there.  They  urged  me  to 
stay,  but  I  had  promised  to  go  another  way." 

He  went  to  New  York,  where  he  visited  Sabbath 
schools  and  attended  the  anniversaries  ;  and  then  to 
Norwich,  where,  during  the  absence  of  the  pastor,  he 
attended  meetmgs,  and  as  usual  visited  from  house 
to  house,  conversing  with  the  people.  He  was  now 
in  the  circle  of  his  relatives,  and  he  speaks  as  always 
with  great  tenderness  of  those  who  he  believed  were 
still  out  of  Christ. 

Alluding  to  some  preparation  for  addressing  others 
on  which  he  had  bestowed  much  labor,  he  says,  in  a 
spirit  of  humble  dependence,  "  Lord,  it  is  thme,  not 
mine." 

On  his  return  to  college,  he  engaged  agam  with 
unusual  delight  in  his  studies.  The  wonders  of  sci- 
ence seem  to  have  attracted  liim,  and  he  was  led 
anew  to  adore  the  greatness  of  God,  as  well  as  to 
feol  that  but  for  sin,  man  might  be  equal  almost  to 


84  CHARLES  H.   PORTER. 

the  angels  in  knowledge  and  holiness.  "  But,"  he 
Bays,  "alas,  fallen,  fallen  I  Therefore  may  we  im- 
plore pardon  for  the  past,  assistance  for  the  present, 
and  direction  for  the  future.  0  my  Saviour,  my  Fa- 
ther, let  a  guilty  and  polluted  worm -yet  hide  himself 
beneath  the  shadow  of  thy  wings." 

His  labors  were  continued  in  the  Sabbath-school. 
He  mentions  some  encouraging  facts,  and  says,  "  The 
Spirit  of  God  seems  to  be  at  work."  One  of  the  chil- 
dren "  professed  herself  willmg  to  serve  the  Saviour." 
He  also  mentions  a  person  benefited  by  his  labors  a 
year  before,  and  says,  "  She  feels  that  she  has  been 
converted,  and  with  tears  thanked  me  for  that  -con- 
versation. Whether  it  had  any  influence  in  leading 
her  to  her  Saviour,  I  know  not.  If  she  is  one  of 
Chrisfs  01V71  cliildreii,  it  is  of  little  consequence 
whose  labors  brought  her  to  him,  as  it  must  all,  from 
first  to  last,  be  traced  to  the  love  of  God,  the  grace 
of  Christ,  and  the  influence  of  the  Spirit.  Blessed 
be  God  that  the  glory  all  belongs  to  him.  0  that  I 
might  sink  uito  the  ocean  of  his  love." 

"  June  3. — Thus  far  during  my  junior  year,  I  have 
been  blessed  above  former  years.  May  the  last  few 
weeks  prove  the  best  of  all. 

*'  June  5. — Daily  meetings  commenced  yesterday, 
about  ten  or  fifteen  minutes  in  length,  after  tea ;. 
very  refreshing.  Lessons  easy ;  am  enabled  to  get 
them,  besides  attending  two  extra  lectures.     This, 


JUNIOR   YEAR  IN   COLLEGE.  85 

of  course,  keeps  me  constantly  occupied.  Work 
marked  out  for  every  moment  of  the  twenty-four 
hours,  so  that  it  is  not  necessary  to  lose  any," 

Though  the  entries  in  Mr.  Porter's  diary  are  now 
shorter  and  less  frequent  than  at  other  times,  yet 
they  furnish  proof  of  his  increased  attachment  to  the 
cause  of  Christ,  and  of  liis  growth  in  grace.  His 
labors  of  various  kinds  were  continued,  and  he  no- 
tices instances  of  one  and  another  from  time  to  time 
giving  themselves  to  God.  His  mind  appears  to 
have  been  mtent  on  promoting  the  spiritual  hfe  of 
his  class-mates  and  others  among  whom  liis  lot  was 
cast.     Thus   he  says,  "  Spent   about   an  hour  this 

evening  in  endeavoring  to  persuade  Mrs.  P to 

attend  at  once  to  her  soul's  salvation."     "  Suggested 

to  brother  L the  idea  of  a  fast  with  reference  to 

the  coming  responsibihties  of  Senior  year.  '  We  may 
suggest  it  to  the  class.  I  can  truly  say,  that  my 
Junior  year  has  been  one  of  many  blessmgs.  I  have 
had,  I  thuik,  more  spiritual  feasts  and  melting  seasons 
than  m  either  of  the  other  two.  I  think  that  God 
has  blessed  my  labors  to  the  salvation  of  as  many 
souls  as  in  all  the  former  years  of  my  life  together." 

The  responsibilities  to  wliich  he  alludes  in  the 
coming  senior  year,  may  be  indicated  by  stating  that 
the  duty  of  leading  the  various  meetings  in  college 
devolves  on  the  members  of  the  Senior  class  ;  and 
the  religious  aspect  of  the  college  receives  a  charaC' 


86  CHARLES   H.  PORTER. 

ter  from  the  state  of  spirituality  wliicli  exists  in  this 
class.  Mr.  Porter,  at  the  thne  when  the  Senior  class 
left,  was  chosen  one  of  the  number  from  the  future 
Senior  class,  who  were  to  act  as  leaders  in  the  church 
of  the  college.     He  says,  in  view  of  it, 

*'  It  was  unexpected,  and  involves  great  responsi- 
bility. If  I  accept  this,  I  must  resign  my  Sabbath- 
school.  Both  are  im.portant ;  but  wliich  is  most  so  ? 
I  hope  to  be  taught  of  God.  I  have  felt  for  some 
time  a  deeper  interest  in  the  college,  and  more  of  the 
spirit  of  prayer  for  it,  than  before  in  three  years  ; 
and  have  sometimes  doubted  whether  I  had  not  bet- 
ter give  up  my  Sabbath-school,  and  devote  my  whole 
attention  to  college.  What  will  now  be  best,  I  know 
not.  If  I  can  get  some  devoted  person  to  fill  my 
place  at  Westville,  I  shall  be  inclmed  to  return  to 
college  ;  but  I  think  God  will  teach  me.  The  sug- 
gestion of  a  fast  was  made  at  a  meeting  this  evening, 
and  the  brethren  seem  to  think  it  important." 

"June  27. — How  thankful  I  am  that  wiser  and 
better  heads  than  my  own  advised  me,  when  first 
setting  out,  to  take  a  full  course.  Although  I  long 
to  be  in  the  field,  yet  I  feel  that  I  can  not  only  wait 
my  appointed  time,  but  when  I  think  how  poorly 
fitted  I  shaU  be  for  the  station  even  then,  I  feel 
thankful  that  I  can  study  several  years  longer." 

He  continues  to  breathe  forth  the  most  earnest 
desires  for  greater  holiness,  deprecates  the  secret  sins 


JUNIOR   YEAR   IN   COLLEGE.  87 

of  liis  heart,  admires  the  grace  of  God  in  sustaining 
him  while  others  are  cut  off,  and  speaks  of  a  prayer- 
meetmg  of  the  brethren  at  noon,  and  the  sweet  re- 
freshment he  had  while  calling  on  them  at  their 
rooms,  and  in  private  prayer  at  his  own. 

He  was  now  severely  tried  by  a  pecuniary  disap- 
pointment, but  says,  "  I  have  no  reason  to  be  anxious. 
God  has  taken  care  of  me  hitherto,  and  I  trust  he 
will  in  future.  Let  me  rather  be  anxious  to  do  his 
will,  and  walk  before  him  with  a  perfect  heart.  Per- 
haps this  is  the  beginning  of  a  series  of  afflictions  by 
which  he  means  to  purify  me.  If  so,  thy  will,  not 
mine,  be  done,  0  Father." 

Having  heard  of  the  death  of  a  class-mate,  he 
writes, 

"  July  22. — I  love  to  think  of  death.  It  is  sweet 
to  feel  that  this  our  earthly  tabernacle  wiU  soon  be 
dissolved ;  dust  crumble  to  dust.  Soon  the  messen- 
ger appears,  and  what  a  change  I 

"  0  for  a  more  holy  walk  with  God.  This  is  what 
I  need.  '  The  secret  of  the  Lord  is  with  them  that 
fear  him.'  Then  should  I  be  enabled  to  adopt  the 
beautiful  language  of  the  poet,  '  0  that  I  had  wings 
like  a  dove.  Then  would  I  fly  away,  and  be  at  rest.' 
Sweet  rest  I  heavenly  rest  I  rest  for  the  body,  rest 
for  the  soul ;  rest  from  sin,  rest  from  cares,  rest  from 
pain,  sickness,  sorrow,  and  death  I  A  rest  with  God 
our  Father,  who  hath  so  loved  us  as  to  give  us  his 


88  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

oiily-begotteii  Son.  Rest  with  Jesus,  who  hath  re- 
deemed us  with  his  precious  blood.  Rest  with  the 
Spirit,  who,  by  his  sweet  influences,  drew  us  to  the 
Lamb.  A  rest  with  angels,  who  surround  the  throne 
day  and  night,  crying,  Holy,  holy,  holy  Lord  God  of 
Sabaoth.  A  rest  with  Abraham,  and  Isaac,  and 
Jacob,  with  Joseph,  and  Moses,  and  Joshua,  and 
Isaiah,  and  David,  and  Paul,  and  all  the  holy  throng 
who  have  ever  dwelt  upon  the  earth.  0  glorious 
rest :  we  wait  for  it,  and  will,  by  the  grace  of  God, 
endeavor  to  be  prepared  for  it  any  hour." 

Mr.  Porter  felt  it  to  be  necessary  to  leave  college, 
some  time  before  the  commencement,  to  recruit  his 
health.  Before  this,  however,  after  noticing  his  birth- 
day, and  speaking  of  the  wonderful  grace  bestowed 
on  him,  he  gives  another  mstance  of  God's  providen- 
tial care  of  him  in  the  time  of  need. 

"  Aug.  9, — For  many  days  have  been  expectmg  a 
letter  from  my  brother  contaming  money,  but  none 
came  ;  was  reduced  to  thirty-five  cents ;  feared  I 
should  be  obliged  to  borrow,  as  I  expect  to  leave 
town  to-day  or  to-morrow ;  but  just  now  received  a 

letter  from  Mr.  D ,  enclosing  ten  dollars.     How 

wonderfully  does  my  heavenly  Father  provide  I  Bless- 
ed be  his  name  for  this.  May  the  Lord  reward  broth- 
er D a  hundred-fold." 

He  now  took  an  excursion  on  foot  to  Providence, 
R.  I.,  with  the  intention  of  spendhig  two  or  tln-ee 


JUNIOR   YEAR   IN  COLLEGE.  §9 

weeks  in  recreation  in  that  vicinity.  He  remarks, 
"  It  was  exceedingly  difficult  to  compel  myself  to  be 
willing  to  spend  a  week  or  two  in  mere  diversion  ; 
but  my  duty  seemed  to  be  clear.  I  must  use  all  the 
means  in  my  power  to  preserve  my  health.  Many 
young  men,  well-educated  and  pious,  and  who  long 
to  preach,  are  laid  aside  as  useless.  May  the  Lord 
preserve  me  from  a  like  visitation." 

In  a  letter  to  a  friend,  written  at  Norwich,  on  his 
way  to  Providence,  he  seems  moved  by  the  consid- 
eration of  God's  goodness  in  preservmg  his  health 
the  past  year,  so  that  he  had  scarcely  lost  a  day. 
He  appears  to  look  forward  to  his  coming  Senior  year 
with  delightful  anticipations,  and  speaks  especially 
of  his  theological  course  in  prospect  as  "  a  harvest 
rich  beyond  expression."  "  I  cannot  bear,"  he  writes, 
"  to  think  that  it  must  pass  away  so  soon,  and  leave 
me,  even  if  I  do  my  best,  so  ignorant.  0  how  my 
soul  exults  even  to  think  of  tasting  the  knowledge 
wliich  lies  open  before  me.  It  seems  as  if  I  would 
delight  to  enter  upon  almost  any  single  branch,  and 
spend  centuries  exploring  its  depths." 

With  his  eye  fixed  on  the  office  of  a  minister  of 
the  gospel,  he  again  remarks,  "  I  shall  need  to  put 
on  anew  the  robe  of  righteousness,  and  be  clad  with 
spiritual  armor,  before  1  shall  be  prepared  for  that 
great  office.  0  what  an  office  I  Worthy  of  an  an- 
gel.    Would  that  I  might  be  so  far  elevated  above 


90  CHARLES   H.  PORTER. 

the  world,  that  I  may  not  disgrace  the  blessed  sta 
tion." 

One  can  hardly  recognize,  in  these  earnest  pant 
ings  after  laiowledge,  the  youth  once  so  averse  to 
study  as  he  presents  himself  in  our  openmg  chapter. 
What  a  transformation ;  and  in  this  case  no  one  can 
doubt  that  it  was  owing  to  the  influence  of  the  gos- 
pel of  Jesus  Christ. 

Mr.  Porter  remained  in  Rhode  Island  a  little  more 
than  a  week.     He  says, 

"Aug.  26. — Conscience  would  not  let  me  hunt 
and  fish.  It  pains  me  to  give  pain  to  any  thing. 
God  has  been  drawing  graciously  near  my  soul  to- 
day. Such  a  season  I  have  not  enjoyed  for  a  long 
time.  0  how  barren  I  have  been.  I  am  ashamed 
of  myself.  God  enabled  me  to  plead  for  great  bless- 
ings the  coming  year,  particularly  for  humility. 
Herein  I  am  greatly  wanting  ;  I  feel  that  I  am  sadly 
deficient.  The  humility  of  Christ  appears  perfectly 
lovely.  I  can  see  it  also  in  his  ancient  disciples. 
His  modern  children  too,  frequently  possess  it.  But 
oh,  when  I  look  into  my  own  heart,  the  depth,  the 
awful  depth  of  depravity.  I  desire  to  be  more  hum- 
ble, and  the  Lord  enabled  me  to  plead  for  it  tliis 
morning  with  much  more  earnestness  than  usual. 
My  soul  seemed  to  agonize  for  this  one  great  bless- 
ing. I  plead  nearly  an  hour,  though  the  time  to  me 
seemed  veiy  short. 


JUNIOR   YEAR  IN   COLLEGE.  91 

"This  noon  was  greatly  assisted  in  prayer  for  a 
further  blessing  on  the  commg  year  :  a  wiUingness  to 
spend  much  more  time  in  communion  with  God ; 
that  the  closet  may  be  a  delight ;  that  my  affections 
may  be  raised  far  above  the  world,  its  praises,  and 
its  censures ;  that  I  may  find  intercourse  with  God 
far  sweeter  than  any  intercourse  whatever  with  any 
human  being,  and  that  I  may  have  a  sense  of  the 
power,  wisdom,  mercy,  justice,  holmess,  and  spotless 
purity  of  God.  For  such  blessings  did  the  Spirit  m- 
cline  me  to  pray,  and  may  God  answer  my  prayers 
as  he  shall  see  fit.  Into  thy  hands,  0  God,  I  commit 
my  spirit. 

"  I  am  a  poor,  frail,  dying  creature.  I  am  exceed- 
ingly guilty ;  hardly  a  point  to  which  I  apply  the 
touchstone  of  thy  word  escapes  condemnation.  I 
see  myself  to  be  vile,  and  I  am  almost  afraid  to  live, 
lest  I  should  commit  some  dreadful  shi  which  would 
fix  a  lastmg  stigma  upon  my  character,  and  deeply 
wound  the  cause  of  Christ.  0  thou  upon  whose 
arm  alone  I  lean,  preserve  one  so  weak,  so  frail,  so 
hable  to  err,  so  easily  led  away  by  temptation." 

In  a  few  days  we  find  him  laboring  ui  Willhuan- 
tic,  a  small  factory  village  in  the  eastern  part  of 
Connecticut.  He  states,  that  during  the  early  part 
of  the  summ.er  there  had  been  several  conversions, 
but  for  several  weeks  the  religious  interest  had  di- 
minished, and  the  meetings  were  more  thinly  attend- 


9^  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

ed.  His  own  soul  was,  however,  alive  and  engaged, 
and  he  expresses  his  feelings  in  a  letter  of  advice  to 
a  friend,  m  whose  Christian  welfare  he  felt  much 
interest. 

"Sept.  4,  1838. — Strive  to  learn  the  art,  if  I 
may  so  speak,  of  domg  good.  I  think  Christians 
generally  are  far  too  forgetful  of  the  great  end  of 
then*  hemg.  "VYe  need  to  learn  how  to  do  good. 
Many  are  smcerely  desirous  of  accomplishing  some- 
tliing,  but  do  not  seem  to  know  how.  Study  the 
human  heart.  The  Bible  will  teach  it.  I  have 
also  been  much  assisted  by  Mason's  Self-knowledge. 
Another  very  excellent  way  to  get  at  the  heart,  be- 
sides watching  attentively  our  own,  is  to  get  Chris- 
tians and  new  converts  to  tell  us  what  their  feelings 
were  before  they  were  serious,  while  they  were  so, 
and  after  they  obtamed  a  hope  ;  how  they  felt  about 
the  pleasures  and  business  of  the  world,  how  about 
religion,  muiisters,  and  Christians,  and  what  their 
objections  were,  and  how  removed.  Thus  one  dives 
to  the  bottom  of  the  heart.  Then  we  can  tell  how 
others  feel,  so  that  they  will  hardly  believe  that  some 
one  has  not  revealed  to  us  their  feelmgs.  In  this 
way  we  can  find  what  to  say  to  the  impenitent.  If 
we  find  them  careless,  we  must  present  some  truth 
to  rouse  them  from  their  lethargy  ;  if  they  have  ten- 
der feelmgs,  but  are  not  anxious,  show  them  their 
guilt ;  if  anxious,  guide  them  to  the  Lamb ;  and  if 


JUNIOR  YEAR   IN   COLLEGE.  93 

they  hope  in  him,  lead  them,  if  possible,  to  feel  that 
they  have  a  great  work  before  them,  and  that  what 
they  do  must  be  done  quicldy." 

"  Sept.  4. — Talked  almost  constantly  for  four 
hours — found  myself  somewhat  exhausted  ;  and  from 
all  my  intercourse  with  the  people  this  afternoon,  I 
should  judge  that  there  w^as  little  hope  of  a  revival. 
Yet  God  can  appear.  I  feel  confident  that  he,  and 
only  he  can  cause  these  dry  bones  to  live.  Our 
meeting  this  evenmg  was  very  solemn.  Eternity 
seemed  near;  the  subject,  the  judgment.  Many 
tears  dropped  during  the  presentation  of  the  truth. 
0  that  God  may  speak,  and  then  I  know  that  man 
v/ill  hear." 

Alludmg  to  his  struggles  with  pride,  he  says,  "  0 
that  I  might  be  willing  that  my  worthless  name 
might  rot  that  Christ  may  be  exalted.  0  that  I 
might  be  so  lost  in  the  ocean  of  his  love  as  for  ever 
to  forget  myself."- 

His  feelings  led  hmi  to  think  of  his  home  and  those 
there  whom  he  loved,  and  he  says, 

"  Sept.  9. — Thought  seriously  of  gomg  home  to- 
morrow, on  purpose  to  preach  Christ  to  my  father 
and  his  family,  mvite  him  to  ask  a  blessmg  at  the 
table  and  pray  m  liis  family,  and  if  he  w^ould  not  do 
it  himself,  to  let  me  do  it  every  time  I  come  home. 
Lord,  teach  me  my  duty  clearly,  and  give  me  grace 
vO  discharge  it.     "When  I  get  home,  I  always  am  too 


94  CHARLES   H.   PORTER. 

much  as  I  used  to  be.  I  have  had  far  too  much  of 
a  maii-feamig  sph-it.  They  have  sometimes  been 
afraid  I  was  running  crazy,  hence  I  have  not  been 
as  devoted  before  them  as  I  ought  to  be.  0  that  I 
might  be  more  hke  Jesus  Christ." 

"  Sept.  10. — Upon  more  reflection  concluded  that 
it  would  not  be  duty  to  attempt  to  ask  a  blessing  and 
have  family  prayers  myself,  but  I  think  that  I  will 
try  to  set  a  more  Christian  example,  and  endeavor  to 
talk  plainly.     Lord,  give  me  graco  to  do  it." 


SENIOR  YEAR  IN   COLLEGE.  95 

CHAPTER  VII 

SENIOH  TEAR  IN   COLLEG-E. 

Our  \  aders  have  noticed  Mr.  Porter's  progress  in 
intellectual  attainments.  His  mind  "became  more 
mature  with  his  years  ;  and  the  purpose  by  which 
he  was  actuated  in  seeking  to  acquire  knowledge,  to 
devote  all  to  God,  exercised  an  ennobling  influence 
upon  him,  and  gave  him  a  firmness  and  perseverance 
v/hich  enabled  him  to  control  hmiself,  and  gain  influ- 
ence over  others.  He  thus  marks  his  return  to  col- 
lege and  entrance  on  his  Senior  year. 

"  Sept.  27,  1838. — I  enter  to-day  upon  the  studies 
of  my  senior  year.  May  the  Lord  direct  me.  By 
his  grace  assisting,  I  hope  to  live  a  better  life.  0  that 
tliis  may  be  a  year  of  practical  godhness.  I  feel  that 
miless  he  hold  me  up,  I  shall  fall.  0  blessed  Jesus, 
suffer  me  not  to  stray." 

"  Sabbath  Morning,  Sept.  30. — 0  the  loving-kind- 
ness of  Jesus  ;  how  sweet,  how  sweet  his  presence. 
This  morning  I  feel  that  he  has  fed  my  soul  with 
heavenly  manna.  No  tongue  can  express,  no  heart 
can  conceive  the  blessedness,  the  sweet,  the  sacred 
blessedness,  of  communion  with  Jesus,  but  one  that 
knows  it  by  experience.  Could  men  but  once  taste 
such  love,  they  would  say  to  the  world  farewell. 
My  little  bedroom  is  mdeed  my  Bethel. 


96  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

'  Tell  me  no  more  of  earthly  joys.' 
They  have  no  chamis  for  me.  Tears  filled  my  eyes 
w'liile  at  prayer,  my  soul  melted  sweetly,  and  I  longed 
for  more  of  Jesus,  Isever  have  I  felt  so  desirous  to 
grow  in  grace  as  of  late.  I  feel  guilty  for  having 
been  so  cold  and  indiflbrent  during  my  previous  years. 
0  that  my  future  life  may  be  more  consecrated  to 
God.  The  passage,  '  Do  good  unto  all  men  as  ye 
have  opportunity,'  has  of  late  taken  deep  hold  of  my 
mind.  May  I  be  careful  to  observe  it.  I  find  many 
opportunities,  and  I  hope  I  may  hereafter  more  dil- 
igently improve  them.  Why  may  I  not  enjoy  from 
day  to  day  a  state  of  mind  that  will  enable  me  to 
feel  willing  at  any  tune  to  depart  and  be  with  Christ ; 
yea,  more,  that  will  make  me  long  '  to  fly  away  and 
be  at  rest  V  I  do  hope  that  this  year  will  not  pass 
without  my  being  brought  to  feel  so  dead  to  the 
world  that  I  shall  be  found  in  Paul's  '  strait.'  " 

He  speaks  of  the  dull  and  unpromising  state  of 
religion  around  him,  and  ui  allusion  to  the  eilbrts 
made  to  secure  the  newly  entered  students  for  a  liter- 
ary' society,  says,  *'  "VYhy  not  be  as  interested  to  get 
them  into  the  society  of  Jesus  ?  Feel  resolved  to 
pray  for  a  revival,  to  labor  with  my  Christian  breth- 
iren  to  the  same  end,  and  to  go  to  the  impenitent. 
Who  knows  but  God  may  open  the  windoAvs  of  heaven 
and  pour  us  out  a  blessmg  ?  Lord,  fit  me  for  the 
work  wliich  thou  hast  for  me  to  do.     0  may  I  be 


SENIOR   YEAR  IN   COLLEGE.  97 

humbled,  and  brought  to  feel  as  I  ought  with  refer- 
ence to  this  subject."  He  then  thus  closes  one  of 
the  books  of  his  diary  : 

"  Oct,  3. — *  And  of  his  kingdom  there  shall  be  no 
end.'  Blessed  be  God  I  Blessed  be  the  name  of 
Christ  I  Of  thy  kingdom  there  shall  be  no  end. 
Kings  and  princes  have  already  risen  up  against  it. 
The  earth  has  been  drenched  with  the  blood  of  mar- 
tyrs, ■  but  thy  throne  is  not  yet  overturned.  Nor 
will  it  ever  be.  Nation  after  nation  vdll  rise  and 
fall.  Generation  after  generation  will  successively 
roll  unnumbered  millions  hito  eternity,  but  thy  king- 
dom shall  stand  as  long  as  the  earth  endures ;  yea, 
when  the  earth  and  all  things  therein  shall  be  burned 
up,  it  shall  endure,  and  endure  for  ever.  Glorious 
thought  I  That  all  the  powers  of  hell  shall  not  pre- 
vail against  it.  What,  then,  am  I  ?  What,  among 
the  hundreds  of  millions  who  are  constantly  passing 
through  the  world  ?  What  a  Httle  speck.  What  an 
insignificant  atom.  Christ  can  build  up  his  kuigdom 
just  as  well,  if  he  pleases,  without  me.  0  that  I 
might  feel  it,  and  count  it  a  great  mercy  if  I  am  per- 
mitted to  have  the  smallest  share  in  the  building  up 
of  his  church. 

*'  0  God,  I  pray  thee  make  me  wholly  thine.  0 
may  I  be  entirely  swallowed  up  in  the  love  of  Christ. 
Let  me  not  stray  from  thy  paths.  Thou  art  my 
strength  and  shield.     Keep,  0  keep  me,  heavenly 


98  CHARLES   H,   PORTER. 

Father,  I  shall  fall  without  thee.  My  steps  wiU 
slide.  I  am  a  wandering  child,  easily  led  astray. 
I  am  a  miracle  of  grace.  If  I  ever  get  to  heaven,  it 
will  be  sovereign,  unmerited  goodness — grace,  grace, 
to  a  poor  straying,  proud,  self-seeking  sinner,  I  have 
nothing  to  plead  before  thee.  Make  me  tliine,  en- 
tirely thine.  0  for  a  baptism  of  the  Holy  Ghost. 
May  I  be  willing  ever  hereafter  to  deny  myself,  take 
up  my  cross,  and  follow  thee,  0  for  a  holy  heart,  a 
heart  of  love,  a  burning  heart,  through  which  God 
may  work  for  his  own  glory.  And  now,  0  God,  my 
Father,  my  Creator,  my  Preserver,  my  Benefactor, 
my  Redeemer,  I  sacredly  give,  I  consecrate  to  thee 
my  life,  my  all,  A  poor  offering,  but  aU  I  have. 
To  thee  I  give  myself,  for  hfe,  for  death,  for  time,  for 
eternity.  May  I  ever  feel  that  I  am  thine,  that  1 
am  to  do  thy  will  wholly ;  that  I  am  no  more  to 
confer  with  flesh  and  blood  ;  that  I  am,  ui  all  cases, 
to  seek  thy  will ;  in  short,  to  be  m  Christ  and  he  in 
me.  And  now  to  thee.  Father,  Son,  and  Holy  Ghost, 
be  praise  and  glory  for  ever.     Amen." 

A  break  here  occurs  in  Mr.  Porter's  diary,  as  one 
of  the  numbers  is  missuig,  which  we  cannot  but  the 
more  regret,  as  he  seems  to  have  entered  upon  a 
most  interesting  portion  of  his  Hfe.  It  would  be 
gratifying  to  go  along  with  him  in  his  efforts  to  ben- 
efit liis  fellow-students,  and  to  trace  the  progi'ess  of 
his  spiritual  life  just  after  the  last  glowing  words 


SENIOR  YEAR  IN   COLLEGE.  99 

and  holy  breatliings.  The  following  letter  to  his 
sister  may,  perhaps,  in  some  degree  supply  the  defi- 
ciency. 

"  Yale  College,  Nov.  3,  1838. 

"  My  dear  Sister — I  had  the  pleasure  of  meeting 
Mr.  S.  this  afternoon,  and  thoitgh  I  have  not  yet 
seen  the  letter  he  has  for  me,  I  will  commence  an- 
swering it.  Time  flies  rapidly.  Soon,  very  soon  1 
shall  be  absorbed  in  theological  studies  :  a  moment 
gone,  I  shall  stand,  Providence  permitting,  a  herald 
of  the  gospel.  After  which,  farewell,  ye  sacred  halls, 
ye  places  of  retirement ;  farewell,  ye  halcyon  days  ; 
farewell,  ye  beloved  associates,  ye  delightful  vaca- 
tions ;  and  farewell,  ye  relatives  and  friends  whom  I 
delight  to  visit. 

"And  whither  shall  I  go?  Into  the  cold  region 
of  Canada  ?  To  India  ?  To  Chhia  ?  To  the  Sand- 
wich Islands  ?  Perhaps  to  one  of  these  places.  If 
I  tliink  it  a  duty,  I  shall  doubtless  go.  I  thmk  I  am 
willmg  to  go  to  the  uttermost  part  of  the  earth,  if 
my  Master  call  me  there.  And  though  it  would  be 
like  severing  a  Hmb  from  the  body  to  go  against  my 
dear  parents'  will,  yet  if  Jesus  call  me  to  make  the 
sacrifice,  it  is  not  for  me  '  to  confer  with  flesh  and 
blood.'  I  must  make  it.  My  Bible  teaches  me  to 
forsake — whom  ?  My  enemies  ?  That  would  be  no 
trial  at  all.  My  acquaintances  ?  That  perhaps  would 
be  somewhat  hard.     But  it  goes  much  farther  :  '  Hs 


100  CHARLES   H.   PORTER. 

that  will  not  forsake  all  that  he  hath,  cannot  be  my 
disciple.'  He  must  be  willing  to  forsake  even  his 
own  beloved  father  and  mother,  his  brothers  and 
sisters,  liis  relations  and  friends,  his  property,  his 
country,  his  all.  And  is  this  too  much  ?  Ah,  no. 
Jesus  has  shed  his  own  blood  on  Calvary  for  me, 
and  shall  I  refuse  to  spend  my  life  for  him  ?  Shall 
I  consult  my  ease,  my  happmess,  my  honor,  when  it 
mterferes  with  the  advancement  of  his  kingdom  ? 

"  But  do  you  begin  to  feel  as  though  I  were  almost 
on  the  billows,  floating  upon  the  deep  ?  I  am  not 
yet  gone,  nor  do  I  know  that  I  shall  ever  go.  I  have 
sometimes  thought  I  should  ;  but  the  great  probabil- 
ity is,  that  I  shall  lose  myself  among  the  millions  of 
the  western  valley.  I  may  yet  stay  m  New  Eng- 
land. I  may  be  settled  withui  a  dozen  miles  of  my 
native  place.  If  I  can  find  where  the  great  Head 
of  the  church  will  have  me  stationed,  there  w^ill  I 
stand  as  a  sentinel  and  watch,  whether  it  be  among 
liis  army  at  home,  or  upon  one  of  the  most  distant 
outposts.  I  camiot  say  yet  where  I  shall  be.  I  am 
afraid  I  shall  be  governed  too  much  by  love  of  ease, 
by  aflection  for  earthly  friends  and  smiilar  motives. 
I  find  so  much  sin  worldng  in  me  that  I  am  very 
liable  to  be  misled. 

"  I  wish  my  mother  and  sisters  loved  the  Saviour 
and  the  poor  heathen  enough  not  only  to  be  willing, 
but  earnestly  to  desire  to  have   me  go  from  the 


SENIOR  YEAR   IN   COLLEGE.  101 

bosom  of  tlieir  own  family,  and  carry  them  the  glad 
tidings  of  great  joy.  Then  I  should  not  be  so  liable 
to  be  misled,  and  if  I  stayed  at  home  I  should  not 
be  afraid  that  I  did  it  merely  from  a  desire  to  please 
my  friends.  But  you  must  not  give  yourself  any 
great  uneasiness,  for  as  things  look  at  present,  I  see 
no  prospect  that  I  shall  go.  My  bones  will  probably 
lie  buried  in  my  own  native  land,  though  I  some- 
times thmk  they  may  wliiten  some  foreign  shore. 
But  enough.     As  ever, 

"  Your  beloved  brother, 

"CHAELES." 
In  a  letter  from  Mr.  Porter  to  his  friend  Mr.  D. 
of  N.e-W  York,  dated  December  8,  1838,  he  says,  very 
characteristically,  "Last  evening  I  received  another 
fifty  dollar  bill  from  my  dear  brother  George,  wluch, 
had  I  know^n  when  it  was  coming,  would  have  saved 
me  from  saymg  any  thing  to  you  ;  but  it  will  all 
come  in  use,  and  that  too  without  waste.  It  will 
probably  more  than  cover  the  expenses  of  the  present 
term,  so  that  I  hope  not  to  have  to  call  for  more 
assistance  for  several  months.  I  am  really  tired, 
and  almost  ashamed  to  call  further  upon  my  friends ; 
and  I  think  somewhat  of  boarduig  myself  next  term, 
that  I  may  ayoid  it.  I  beheve,  however,  that  I  shall 
not  have  to  reproach  myself  for  extravagance,  though 
I  must  say  that  my  conscience  of  late  has  been  some- 
wdiat  touched  by  a  couple  of  volumes  introduced  to 


102  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

my  library.  Most  persons,  were  they  to  glance  at 
my  library,  would  say,  '  What,  he  need  assistance  ? 
Such  a  library  I  It  is  as  good  as  half  our  young 
ministers  have  at  their  first  setting  out,  and  yet  he 
is  not  through  college.'  I  think  I  have  a  good  library 
for  one  so  early  in  his  course  and  so  poor,  for  it  con- 
tains about  150  volumes.  But  almost  all  are  the 
gifts  of  dear  friends.  Two  expensive  volumes,  how- 
ever, have  been  added  lately,  and  as  I  am  not  certain 
that  I  ought  to  keep  therri,  I  will  ask  some  advice." 
He  proceeds  to  state  that  these  two  volumes  were 
Townsend's  Bible,  in  wliich  the  parts  are  chronologi- 
cally arranged,  which  he  supposed  would  be  very 
valuable,  and  which  being  in  large  type  he  could 
read  and  study  at  night,  and  for  which  he  exchanged 
a  work  on  chemistry. 

Mr.  Porter  appears  to  have  spent  liis  vacation  at 
Northfield,  as  we  find  two  letters  during  this  period 
dated  from  that  place.  He  was  engaged,  it  is  believed, 
in  laboruig  in  a  revival  of  religion  there.  In  the 
former  of  these  letters  he  says, 

"  Jan.  9,  1839. — I  alM'ays  find  a  blessing  in  en- 
deavoring to  '  do  good  and  communicate,'  and  as 
usual  have  found  one  at  this  time.  I  know  I  am 
utterly  unworthy  of  it,  yet  God  condescends  to  grant 
it.  0  that  I  had  stamped  more  deeply  upon  my 
heart  my  Saviour's  image.  This  I  need,  and  for 
this  I  would  request   your  prayers.     I  need  moro 


SENIOR   YEAR   IN  COLLEGE.  103 

Immility,  a  more  entire  dedication  of  all  I  have  and 
all  I  am  to  God.  Little  do  we  feel  the  great  reali- 
ties of  a  coming  eternity.  0  that  I  may  learn  to  be 
a  better  man."  He  cautions  his  friend  not  to  let 
the  heart  be  too  much  engrossed  in  study,  urges  him 
to  a  life  of  holiness,  "  and  if  possible  to  win  souls  to 
God  ;"  and  enforces  his  advice  by  a  reference  to  his 
own  example,  and  the  effects  of  study  on  his  own 
heart. 

Again,  January  18,  he  observes,  "  I  feel  that  I  am 
in  peculiar  danger.  I  have  naturally  a  proud  and 
ambitious  spirit,  and  things  are  constantly  taking 
place  to  fan  the  unholy  fire  which  burns  within 
my  bosom.  But  Oh  for  the  humility  of  my  dear 
Redeemer.  Alas,  how  different  is  our  spirit  from 
His.  Pray  for  me,  that  prosperity  may  not  be  my 
ruin.  I  have  no  strength  in  myself,  and  if  the  Lord 
withhold  his  protecting  hand  I  shall  fall,  to  rise  no 
more." 

The  sixth  number  of  Mr.  Porter's  diary  opens  in 
the  second  term  of  his  senior  year,  Feb.  20,  1839, 
with  these  words  :  "  0  that  before  tliis  book  is  filled, 
God  might  permit  me  to  record  the  conversion  of  one 
hundred  souls.  I  feel  that  such  a  blessing  looks  large, 
but  still  thou,  0  my  Father,  canst  do  it ;  and  I  feel 
that  no  one  else  in  the  universe  can.  Were  minis- 
ters to  preach  and  Christians  to  labor  for  ever,  still 
the  balm  of  Jesus  must  be  applied  to  cleanse  the  sin- 


104  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

sick  soul.  Come  then,  0  my  Father,  make  "bare 
thine  arm  and  manifest  thy  glory." 

He  was  soon  occupied  during  his  leisure  hours  in 
visiting  families  and  attending  meetings  in  West 
Haven,  and  considerable  seriousness  was  manifested. 
He  mentions  the  case  of  two  or  three  who  gave  evi- 
dence of  a  change  of  heart.  Still,  he  had  some  trials 
there,  and  alluding  to  the  conduct  of  some  persons 
who  appeared  triflmg  at  one  of  the  meetings,  he 
says,  "  0  how  it  did  aimoy  me.  Truly  ministers 
must  he  tried.  I  feel  that  I  can  sympathize  with 
them  far  better  than  I  could  formerly.  How  entirely 
dependent  are  we  on  God  for  a  blessing." . 

A  sudden  providence,  the  drownmg  of  a  member 
of  college,  struck  a  blow  on  the  hearts  of  even  the 
thoughtless.  A  revival  of  rehgion  in  the  church,  and 
also  an  awakening  to  inquiry  among  the  liitherto 
careless  and  stupid  were  soon  manifested,  and  some 
who  had  backslidden,  began  to  return.  He  says, 
March  9,  the  day  of  the  young  man's  drowning, 

*'  Professors  of  religion  have,  to  some  extent,  been 
faithfully  conversed  with.  But  0  what  a  dreadful 
coldness.  One  particularly,  who  I  had  hoped  would 
enter  into  the  work  of  the  Lord,  is  completely  dis- 
couraged. He  has  tried  to  labor  faithfully,  but  find- 
ing no  result  follow  has  become  disheartened.  0 
God,  encourage  him." 

Again,  two  days  afterwards,  he  says,  in  reference 


SENIOR  YEAR   IN   COLLEGE.  105 

to  the  death,  "  I  have  my  fears  lest  it  be  suffered  to 
pass  unimproved.  Some  Vv^iom  I  have  seen,  feel 
determined  to  live  anew  ;  but  0,  some  others — it 
sickens  my  heart,  it  breaks  my  spirit  to  see  their 
reluctance.  0  ray  God,  if  such  a  terrible  calamity 
as  this  start  them  not  from  their  slumbers,  w^hat 
will  ?  But  we  will  leave  it  with  thee.  Teach  us 
our  duty  as  individuals,  and  may  we  endeavor  to  do 
it,  though  we  never  see  any  result.  Have  mercy 
iipon  us,  0  God,  have  mercy  upon  us." 

God  was  gracious,  and  he  writes,  March  1-5, 
"  The  religious  feelhig  is  constantly  deepening  and 
widening.  Solemnity  is  depicted  on  almost  all.  The 
recitation-room  has  become  silent  almost  as  the 
grave.  No  noise,  no  array  of  effort,  no  extra  meet- 
ings, and  no  extra  exertion  at  our  regular  meetings. 
God  works  in  his  own  way  ;  Christians  are  praying 
much  ;  they  have  frequent  prayer-meetings,  and  pray 
when  three  or  four  get  together  ;  they  are  conversing 
on  the  subject  constantly  ;  their  hearts  are  broken, 
melted,  and  subdued.  Never  before,  since  I  have 
been  in  college,  have  I  seen  any  thing  like  such  a 
state  of  feeling  on  the  part  of  the  church.  It  be- 
comes us  to  walk  carefully  before  God,  lest  we  grieve 
his  Spirit." 

Mr.  Porter's  anxiety  for  the  progress  of  this  work 
was  great.  He  watched  every  phase  of  feelmg, 
every  particular  instrumentality ;  now  trembling,  and 


106  CHARLES   II.   PORTER. 

now  rejoicing.  The  revival  soon  became  powerful, 
and  Mr.  Porter's  whole  soul  was  enlisted  in  promot- 
ing it.  At  the  same  time  he  had  crowded  meetmgs 
at  "West  Haven,  and  his  heart  was  cheered  by  the 
good  news  from  Northfield.  He  mentions  his  read- 
ing the  life  of  "VYhitefield,  and  longs  to  have  a  spirit 
like  his.  He  deplores  again  liis  love  of  praise,  and 
condemns  liimself  as  a  vile  and  guilty  being.  At 
the  commencement  of  the  month  of  April,  he  says, 
"  Blessed  be  God,  I  feel  that  I  wish  to  spend  tliis 
month  in  more  intimate  communion  with  my  Maker 
than  any  hitherto.  May  the  Lord  help  me  so  to  do. 
All  my  dependence  is  on  liim." 

Mr.  Porter  made  a  short  visit  to  Terrysville  in  the 
month  of  April,  and  mentions  an  mcident  that  oc- 
curred on  his  way  home,  with  reference  to  one  of  the 
converts  of  the  revival  there  the  year  before.  He 
says,  "  I  went  into  the  house  to 'see  the  mother,  and 
was  much  gratified  to  find  that  her  son  continued  to 
appear  well.  She  said  he  came  home  one  evening 
when  they  lived  at  Terrysville,  and  as  his  father  was 
sick,  he  took  the  Bible,  read  a  chapter,  and  prayed 
before  the  whole  family.  They  were  greatly  sur- 
prised, and  his  father,  though  a  professor  of  religion, 
thought  it  was  mere  excitement  and  would  soon  be 
over.  But  he  has  been  a  growing  Christian.  His 
mother  says  he  has  learned  more  by  studying  morn- 
ings and  evenings  and  spare  moments,  since  his  con- 


SENIOR   YEAR   IN   COLLEGE.  107 

version,  than  he  did  before  at  school.  What  a  won- 
derfully transforming  influence  does  the  gospel  have 
upon  the  intellect  as  well  as  the  heart." 

He  also  went  to  Westfield,  Mass.,  where  he  spent 
his  vacation.  An  extract  from  a  letter  to  a  friend  thus 
describes  his  feelings  soon  after  reaching  that  place  : 

"  April  29. — I  find  here  many  friends  who  are 
dear  to  me,  and  with  whom  in  former  days  I  have 
taken  sweet  converse.  I  find,  too,  great  changes. 
Some  have  removed  far  away,  and  not  a  few  have 
fallen  before  the  destroyer — death.  Their  spirits  are 
now,  I  trust,  among  the  redeemed,  tuning  their  harps 
in  heaven.     I  feel  that  I  can  sing  in  truth, 

'I  would  not  live  alway,  I  ask  not  to  stay,'  etc. 

I  have  felt  sometunes,  smce  coming  here,  as  if  I  could 
bid  death  welcome  at  any  time.  He  looks  to  me 
more  like  a  pleasmg  messenger  than  he  did  formerly. 
Life  looks  shorter  than  ever  before,  and  forcibly  re- 
minds me  that  I  must  work  while  it  is  called  to-day. 
It  will  speedily  vanish ;  therefore,  what  we  do  must 
be  done  quickly. 

"  Forget  not  to  cultivate  your  heart.  Be  holy,  as 
God  is  holy.  If  you  would  be  truly  useful,  cultivate 
holiness  to  the  Lord.  Other  things  are  important, 
but  holiness  is  indispensable.  I  feel  that  I  have  been 
richly  blessedT since  I  have  been  in  this  place.  My 
soul  has  been  again  and  again  sweetly  melted  under 


103  CHARLES   H.   PORTER. 

the  influence  of  the  blessed  Spirit.  My  sins  have 
been  hke  mountains,  but  I  think  I  have  seen  the 
great  excellency  and  beauty  of  Christ.  I  have  longed 
to  become  more  assimilated  to  liis  holy  character. 
It  is  strange  that  I  should  ever  wander  from  liim, 
but  such  is  my  heart,  that  I  do  frequently.  Let  us 
try  to  keep  near  to  him.  Let  us  aim  at  the  salva- 
tion of  souls.  Notliing  else  in  this  world  afibrds  me 
the  satisfaction  that  I  derive  from  a  consciousness  of 
having  been  made  an  mstrument  through  Christ  in 
the  salvation  of  a  soul.  Such  I  find  scattered  here 
and  there  along  my  pathway.  Such  I  have  found 
here,  such  -I  found  m  my  way  to  Terrysville,  and 
many  such  there.  For  all  this  I  would  praise  the 
Lord.  Let  us  learn  from  it  to  be  faithful  in  future." 
To  his  mother  he  writes,  May  1,  1839, 

"  My  dearly  beloved  Mother — It  grieves  me  to 
think  of  the  disappointment  which  my  absence  must 
necessarily  occasion  you  and  my  dear  sisters.  But 
what  shall  I  do  ?  I  should  delight  to  come  home  and 
spend  my  vacation  under  our  own  roof.  But  is  it 
best  ?  Shall  I  win  as  many  souls  to  Christ  ?  '  A 
prophet,'  says  our  Saviour,  '  is  not  without  honor, 
save  in  his  own  country.'  There  is  a  great  deal  of 
human  nature  expressed  in  this  short  sentence.  I 
have  thought  many  times  I  could  be  more  useful 
anywhere  else  than  in  Norwich. 


SENIOR  YEAR  IN   COLLEGE.  109 

"  I  often  think,  it  will  soon  be  out  of  my  power  to 
visit  you,  and  that  perhaps  I  had  better  spend  what 
time  I  can  at  home ;  and  then,  again,  I  think  that 
during  my  vacations  I  may  possibly  do  as  much 
good  as  when  I  become  a  minister  ;  for  if  the  Saviour 
bless  my  efforts  during  vacation  in  different  places, 
there  may  be  as  many  souls  born  uito  the  kingdom 
as  in  any  one  place  during  a  year  of  my  coming  min- 
istry. I  feel,  too,  that  this  kind  of  labor  is  almost 
as  essential  in  preparing  me  for  usefulness  as  a  min- 
ister of  Christ,  as  my  collegiate  course.  No  one  can 
imagine  the  inestimable  benefit  derived  from  such  a 
course  unless  he  has  tried  it.  I  am  aware  that  the 
feelings  of  nature  have  to  be  sacrificed,  but  the  reward 
abundantly  compensates.  It  gives  one  a  warmth  of 
heart  books  cannot  afford.  It  gives  an  insight  into 
human  nature  which  is  of  great  importance  to  suc- 
cess. It  makes  him  familiar  with  all  classes  of  soci- 
ety, so  that  he  fears  not  to  enter  the  habitations  of 
the  rich  and  preach  to  them  Jesus,  and  at  the  same 
time  he  becomes  conversant  with  the  feelings  of  the 
poor.  He  learns  not  to  desire  the  riches  of  the  for- 
mer, when  he  sees  them  almost  universally  connect- 
ed with  so  many  corroding  cares ;  while  he  learns 
from  the  latter  to  be  content  with  liis  lot.  It  teach- 
es him  to  sympathize  with  the  bereaved,  very  many 
of  whom  he  meets  in  his  labors,  and  prepares  him 
to  'bind  up  the  broken-hearted,'  pouring  into  their 


XIO  CHARLES   H.  PORTER 

hearts  '  the  oil  of  consolation.'  He  learns,  too,  what 
kind  of  preaching  is  adapted  to  mankind  generally ; 
he  learns  wherein  ministers  excel,  and  whereui  they 
are  deficient ;  and  why  it  is  that  some  ministers  have 
the  afiection  of  every  family  in  their  congregations. 

"  Rehgion  is  no  fiction ;  or  if  it  is,  it  is  a  blessed 
fiction,  and  one  which  I  desire  to  impart  to  the  whole 
apostate  race  of  man.  0,  when  it  will  afford  such 
unspeakable  satisfaction,  such  amazing  comfort,  such 
exultation  m  a  dymg  hour,  such  a  longing  to  depart 

and  be  with  Christ,  as  was  exhibited  in  a  Miss  B , 

Avho  died  a  fe^  weeks  since  in  this  village" — ^^Vest- 
field — "  surely  I  would  lift  up  my  prayer  that  it  may 
be  extended  to  all.  I  feel  earnestly  desirous,  if  I 
know  my  own  heart,  to  spend  all  my  time  in  the 
service  of  my  blessed  Redeemer.  Such  are  some  of 
the  considerations  which  mduce  me  to  spend  so  many 
of  my  vacations  from  home. 

**  BeHeve  me,  ever  to  remain, 

"  Your  affectionate  son, 

"CHARLES." 

Mr.  Porter's  account  of  the  revival  in  Westfield,  ia 
his  diary,  is  dated  May  21. 

"  Spent  the  vacation  in  Westfield.  Had  a  blessed 
time,  and  God  saw  fit  to  magnify  the  riches  of  his 
grace  in  the  conversion  of  fifteen  or  twenty,  as  we 
hope. 

"  One  of  the  first  converts  was  a  little  girl  about 


SENIOR  YEAR  IN  COLLEGE.  HI 

ten  or  twelve  years  old.  The  first  time  I  saw  her 
she  was  in  deep  distress  ;  but,  as  she  afterwards  told 
me,  she  Avas  almost  angry  when  I  spoke  to  her.  The 
Lord,  however,  soon  subdued  her  obstinate  heart,  and 
she  has  smce  given  pleasing  evidence  of  piety. 

"  A  young  man,  who  several  days  was  exceedingly 
troubled,  and  could  neither  work  nor  sleep  in  peace, 
and  who  fought  agamst  the '  decrees  of  God,  was 
finally  brought  humbly  to  the  cross. 

"  A  woman  who  had  not  attended  one  of  the  meet- 
ings, with  whom  no  one  had  spoken,  and  who  had 
always  shunned  ministers,  was  visited  by  the  Holy 
Spirit,  and  brought  to  trust  her  heart  to  Clirist.  Her 
husband,  an  intemperate,  quarrelsome  man,  was  also 
greatly  humbled,  and  now  is,  to  all  appearance,  a 
^ Christian — prays  in  his  family,  and  goes  with  his 
wife  to  the  meetings.  A  beautiful  sight.  I  hope  it 
may  prove  mdeed  a  work  of  grace. 

"A  husband  who  was  too  proud  even  to  kneel  in 
prayer,  has  been  converted,  and,  so  far  as  man  can 
judge,  gives  evidence  of  piety.  He  now  prays  in  liis 
family,  and  we  hope  walks  with  God. 

"  A  young  lady,  who  has  been  anxious  for  a  year, 
has  at  length  found  peace  in  Christ;  and  another, 
who  has  been  under  deep  anxiety  most  of  the  time 
for  two  years,  wonders  that  she  was  never  willing 
to  yield  before. 

'*  A  young  man  remained  after  the  meeting  one 


112  CHARLES   H.   PORTER. 

evening,  with  several  others.  He  wa.s  iii  very  deep 
distress.  He  continued  several  days  in  this  state, 
almost  despairing  of  mercy.  He  had  been  a  drunk- 
ard, though  young ;  but  the  Lord  had  mercy  on  him." 

Mr.  Porter  has  given  quite  an  extended  account  of 
the  mode  he  adopted  in  conversing  with  individuals 
in  this  revival,  some  extracts  from  which  may  be  in- 
teresting and  instructive. 

"  I  feel  that  God's  Spirit  was  the  prime  mover  of 
the  whole.  I  felt  sensibly  that  vain  was  the  help 
of  man.  I  have  talked  sometimes  for  hours  with 
individuals,  but  I  find  that  it  is  wholly  vain  unless 
God  sanctify  it.  Unless  He  change  the  heart,  it 
camiot  be  changed.  Yet  I  did  not  fail  to  press  home 
upon  the  sinner's  conscience  the  absolute  necessity  of 
his  giving  his  heart  to  Christ ;  the  utter  uselessness 
of  trymg  to  make  his  heart  better  by  delaj^ ;  his  guilt 
in  putting  it  off;  liis  desert  of  damnation  if  he  neg- 
lected this  great,  this  simple,  this  excellent,  this  only 
salvation.  I  tried  to  vmdicate  the  character  of  God, 
and  show  the  siimer  as  well  as  I  knew  how,  that  he 
himself  was  entirely  to  blame  for  not  bemg  a  Chris- 
tian, and  that  if  God  should  cut  him  down  this  mo- 
ment and  send  him  to  hell,  he  would  be  perfectly  just. 

"  One  of  the  young  ladies  insisted  that  she  had  do?ie 
all  she  could.  I  asked  her  if  she  was  in  the  habit 
of  retiring  alone,  and  upon  her  knees  begging  God's 
mercy,  and  then  tried  to  show  her  the  guilt  of  living 


SENIOR  YEAR   IN   COLLEGE.  113 

without  prayer,  and  the  folly  of  expecting  forgiveness 
wdthout  asking  it.  As  I  left  her,  she  seemed  to  feel 
^hat  she  was  a  rebel  against  God.  I  met  her  about 
iusk.  She  choked  for  utterance,  and  asked  my  for- 
^veness.  She  came  out  a  sweet,  decided,  humble 
Christian. 

"  I  found  one  young  man  fighting  with  God's  pur- 
poses :  that  '  he  hath  mercy  on  whom  he  will  have 
mercy,  and  whom  he  will  he  hardeneth  ;'  again, '  My 
word  shall  not  return  unto  me  void,  but  it  shall  ac- 
complish that  which  I  please,  and  it  shall  prosper  ui 
the  thing  whereto  I  sent  it,'  I  told  him  that  God's 
word  was  sent  to  accomplish  the  sinner's  salvation 
if  he  regarded  it,  and  his  damnation  if  he  rejected  it ; 
that  it  proved  a  savor  of  life  unto  life,  or  death  unto 
death ;  that  God  had  mercy  on  him  that  confessed 
and  forsook  his  sins  ;  that  God  had  a  right  to  reign 
and  rule,  and  would  do  it,  whether  he  opposed  or 
not ;  that  he  would  not  turn  aside  his  designs  to  suit 
liis  convenience  ;  that  he  designed  fire  should  burn, 
and  he  would  not  alter  a  law  of  nature  for  the  sake 
of  accommodating  liim  ;  and  if  he  wished  to  be  clear 
of  the  pam,  he  must  keep  out  of  the  fire.  So,  in 
regard  to  God's  moral  law,  if  he  wished  to  be  free 
from  the  fire  of  God's  wrath,  he  must  yield  to  God's 
directions,  and  obey  liim,  and  love  to  obey  him,  de- 
lighting to  leave  all  at  God's  own  disposal.  If  he 
eould  not  understand  God's  purposes,  I  told  him  that 

Mem.  Torter.  8 


114  CHARLES  II.   rORTER. 

there  was  much  that  he  could  understand,  and  that 
he  must  be  willmg  to  wait  and  learn ;  that  he  could 
understand  far  more  now  than  when  he  was  a  child, 
and  if  he  continued  from  the  present  time  diligently 
and  prayerfully  to  read  the  Scriptures  for  ten  or 
twenty  years,  he  would  then  prohably  see  many 
things  clearly  which  he  could  not  now  understand. 
That  it  was  unreasonable  for  a  child  to  look  into  the 
back  part  of  an  arithmetic,  and  at  once  reject  it  be- 
cause he  could  not  understand  it,  when,  by  beguming 
right  and  patiently  pursuing  it,  he  might  in  tuue  un- 
derstand the  v/hole.  So  with  the  Bible.  If  people 
were  willmg  to  begin  with  its  most  simple  parts,  and 
gradually  learn  by  patient  study  and  prayer,  they 
would  in  a  few  years  arrive  at  great  knowledge,  com- 
pared with  their  former  ignorance.  I  saw  him  the 
night  I  left,  and  found  him  in  a  very  different  state 
of  mind,  apparently  submissive  to*  the  divine  will. 
He  said  hereafter  he  was  determined  to  devote  his 
days  to  God.  He  is  about  seventeen.  I  directed  his 
attention  to  the  ministiy. 

He  proceeds  to  the  detail  of  other  cases,  especially 
those  illustrating  the  trials  and  duties  of  pious  chil- 
dren and  of  mothers,  whose  parents  or  husbands  were 
far  from  God.  A  daughter,  who  felt  that  she  could 
never  enjoy  religion  at  home,  was  led  first  to  con 
verse  freely  with  her  mother,  and  then  even  to  go  out 
into  the  field  to  speak  with  her  father,  and  with  the 


SENIOR  YEAR  IN  COLLEGE.  115 

happiest  results.  A  woman  who  entreated  her  hus- 
band to  pray  with  his  family,  and  when  he  refused 
requested  the  privilege  of  herself  attempting  the  duty, 
soon  found  him  deeply  anxious  for  his  soul;  and  "in 
a  few  days  he  was  brought  out  an  humble  and  de- 
cided Christian,  and  is  now  an  honor  to  the  Christian 
cause."  Of  the  young  lady  who  faithfully  conversed 
with  her  father,  he  says, 

"  0  the  feelings  of  that  poor  child.  I  knew  how 
to  sympatliize  with  her  from  the  bottom  of  my  soul. 
Of  all  the  crosses  which  I  ever  attempted  to  take  up, 
nothing  has  been  so  great  as  this  veiy  thing.  Many 
times  have  I  gone  to  my  father  on  purpose,  and  gone 
away  with  a  sorrowful  heart ;  either  not  having 
spoken  at  all,  or  at  any  rate  but  a  little.  Nor  have 
I  ever  yet  fully  satisfied  my  conscience  on  this  point. 
It  is  a  dehcate  thing  for  a  child  to  take  the  place 
which  a  parent  ought  to  occupy ;  but,  by  the  grace 
of  God,  I  hope  yet  to  do  it." 

His  soul  appears  to  be  in  the  enjoyment  of  com- 
munion with  God,  and  he  speaks  of  the  "  sweet 
seasons  "  he  had  at  prayer  in  the  woods,  of  the  "bless- 
ing" wiiich  he  found  while  reading  the  memoirs  of 
pious  men,  and  the  still  more  excellent  word  of  God. 
He  mentions  attending  the  funeral  of  a  young  man, 
and  says  he  had  written  to  the  parents  of  the  de- 
ceased, who  resided  in  Canada.  "  Thought,"  he 
remarks,  "perhaps  I  may  die  far  from  home  in  a 


115  CHARLES   H.  PORTER. 

land  of  strangers,  and  be  buried  in  a  potter's-field. 
Well,  a  potter's-field  is  good  enough  for  my  bodijy 
only  give  my  soul  a  glimpse  of  Jesus.  0  thou  God 
of  the  universe,  thou  Saviour  of  lost  sinners,  have 
compassion  ;  wash  away  my  sins,  deep  and  dreadful 
as  they  are.  Thou  canst  scrutinize  them.  No  other 
being  can  behold  the  immeasurable  depths  of  wicked- 
ness. It  seems  sometimes  as  if  I  could  not  endure 
the  sight.  0  thou  cleansing  Fountain,  let  me  wash 
my  guilty,  sm-stained  robes  m  thy  blood ;  then  shall  I 
be  purified." 

He  spent  the  time  that  elapsed  between  the  senior 
examination  for  degrees  and  the  commencement,  in 
Norwich  and  its  vicinity.  Here  and  at  Bozrahville 
he  was  engaged  ui  attendmg  meetings  and  visitmg 
the  people.  After  commencement  he  visited  New 
York  and  other  places,  and  mentions  that  he  had 
received  an  invitation  to  go  to  Canada  and  spend  a 
few  weeks  before  commencing  liis  theological  studies. 

He  had  now  accompHshed  one  great  object  on 
which  liis  heart  had  been  set,  and  by  diligent  appli- 
cation had  obtained  those  habits  of  study  and  other  ac- 
quisitions, by  which  he  was  qualified  to  enter  upon  the 
studies  immediately  preparatory  to  the  sacred  office. 
He  had  also  gained  much  experience  in  revivals  of 
religion  and  other  departments  of  labor,  and  acquired 
that  laiowledge  of  human  nature  which  he  hoped 
would  render  him  mcreasingly  useful  in  future  years. 


VirilT  TO  CANADA.  Il7 

CHAPTER  VIII. 

VISIT  TO  CANADA— LIFE  m  THE  SEMINARY. 

Ouu  readers  have  observed  the  feehngs  with  which 
Mr.  Porter  regarded  Canada.  For  years  his  thoughts 
had  turned  to  it  as  a  field  of  future  labor ;  but  he 
seems  to  have  found  no  opportunity  to  gratify  his 
desire  to  visit  that  country.  Having  now  iinished 
his  collegiate  course,  and  with  the  vacation  before 
him  previous  to  liis  entrance  on  his  theological  stud- 
ies, he  resolved  to  carry  his  purpose  into  execution. 
We  accordingly  find  him  dating  his  diary  at  Bur- 
Imgton,  Yt.,  on  his  way  to  Canada.     He  says, 

"Aug.  25,  1839. — I  might  have  been  almost  or 
quite  in  Montreal  at  this  time,  if  I  had  gone  onward. 
Conscience  thundered  at  the  thought,  and  I  concluded 
that  it  was  better  to  obey  God  than  to  break  the 
Sabbath,  though  it  delayed  me  two  days  and  made 
quite  a  difference  in  the  expense.  After  the  decision 
was  made,  I  had  one  of  the  most  heavenly  seasons 
that  I  have  ever  enjoyed.  At  Whitehall,  yesterday 
mornmg,  for  an  hour  and  a  half  I  had  such  a  season 
of  delight  in  God  as  I  trust  I  shall  never  forget." 

"  New  Glasgow,  Lower  Canada,  Aug.  31, 1839. — 
Four  or  five  hundred  miles  from  my  home,  in  a  land 
of  entire  strangers  and  I  am  told  of  very  wicked 
people ;  Enghsh,  Scotch,  and  Irish  principally ;  no 


lis  CHARLES   H.   PORTER. 

minister  in  the  place,  and  not  even  a  church ;  but 
few  members  of  any  church,  and  of  those  few  but  a 
small  number  who  we  have  reason  to  believe  possess 
vital  godliness.  Desolation  reigns.  What  may  be 
my  success  in  trying  to  do  good  among  them,  I  am 
utterly  at  a  loss  to  conjecture.  A  sermon  about 
twenty  mmutes  long,  once  in  four  weeks,  is  all  the 
regular  preaching  they  have.  They  come  out  to 
no  evening  meetings,  nor  do  I  knoAV  as  they  can  be 
persuaded  to  do  so.  Many  of  the  people  are  given 
to  drink.  One  part  of  the  settlement  seems  to  be 
filled  with  infidelity  ;  the  leadmg  man  among  them 
is  an  infidel,  and  extremely  licentious  ;  many  are 
dependent  on  him.  They  are  seldom,  and  some  of 
them,  I  have  been  told,  are  never  seen  at  meeting. 
Yet  Christ  has  here  a  few  humble,  devoted,  praying 
people,  and  may  God  of  his  infinite  mercy  answer 
their  prayers." 

"Sabbath,  Sept.  1,  1839. — The  meeting-house 
built  of  logs.  About  sixty  people  came  together  to 
hear  the  word  of  God — were  very  attentive,  morn- 
ing and  evening.  Some  were  in  tears  while  I  spoke 
to  them  of  a  judgment  to  come.  People  seem  glad 
to  see  me.  Very  few  of  my  own  countrymen  to  be 
found  ;  perhaps  three  or  four  out  of  fifty  or  sLxty." 

"  Sept.  2. — I  have  been  visiting  this  afternoon. 
Find  scarcely  an  American,  almost  all  Scotch  and 
Irish.     Though  they  are  not  like  Americans,  yet  most 


VISIT  TO  CANADA.  119 

of  them  are  well  disposed  ;  but  their  manners,  habits, 
and  language  are  so  different,  that  I  easily  realize  I 
am  in  a  strange  land.  As  for  religion,  many  of  them 
know  nothmg  about  it,  though  there  are  some  very 
intelhgent  Scotch,  formerly  m  better  circles  in  Scot- 
land. The  Lord  only  knows  whether  I  shall  be  of 
diny  use  to  them." 

"  Sept.  8. — A  great  many  at  church  to-day.  House 
almost  full.  Great  solemnity.  Truth  seems  to  be 
getting  hold  of  their  consciences.  The  old  Scotch- 
men drinlt  in  the  truth.  I  spoke  to  them  m  the 
morning  with  great  plainness.  Brought  out  and 
exposed  their  sins,  and  showed  them  by  the  Bible, 
that  such  as  mdulged  them  could  not  be  saved.  I 
expected  to  offend  them,  but  they  bore  it  much  bet- 
ter than  I  anticipated.  Tried  to  do  it  tenderly.  Se- 
riousness begins  to  pervade  them.  They  begui  to 
converse  about  divine  things,  and  have  even  gone  so 
far  as  to  appoint  a  prayer-meeting,  a  tiling  which 
has  before  been  attempted  in  vain.  0  that  the  Lord 
would  condescend  to  make  bare  liis  arm,  pour  out  his 
Spirit,  and  brmg  back  poor  lost  souls  to  himself." 

"  Sept.  9. — Two  inquiring  suiners  have  been  in 
this  morning,  and  give  some  evidence  of  a  change  of 
heart.  A  general  seriousness  begins  to  pervade  the 
people,  and  the  word  of  God  is  attended  with  great 
power.  One  family  have  all  come  out  to  the  meet- 
ings, closing  their  house,  which  it  is  said  they  have 


120  CHARLES  II.  PORTER. 

never  done  before.  It  is  truly  wonderful  to  see  what 
efiects  are  produced  by  but  a  little  of  God's  truth. 
The  Spii'it  seems  to  fasten  it  home.  0  that  God 
may  do  Iris  own  work  m  his  own  way." 

"  Sept.  10. — More  persons  at  the  prayer-meeting 
than  I  expected.  A  number  are  mquiring  with  soH- 
citude,  '  Lord,  what  shall  I  do  to  be  saved  V  and  some 
seem  to  feel  that  they  have  consecrated  themselves 
to  God.  Many  Christians  are  much  quickened.  They 
not  only  have  a  prayer-meeting,  but  some  six  or  eight 
females  have  resolved  to  commence  one.  Some  of 
the  most  respectable  and  intelligent  heads  of  famihes 
seem  to  be  much  affected,  and  those  whom  it  was 
supposed  would  be  most  backward.  Several  came 
from  Paisley  this  evening,  three  of  whom  were  in- 
quii'ing  sinners." 

"Sept.  11. — Many  begin  to  feel  deeply,  and  cry 
out  with  earnestness,  '  "What  shall  I  do  to  be  saved  ?' 
One  old  man  particularly  is  deeply  distressed,  and  feels 
that  he  has  robbed  God.  0  that  he  may  meekly  bow 
to  Christ.  He  has  long  been  a  member  of  the  church 
of  Scotland,  but  I  believe  he  is  now  beginnmg  to  feel 
for  the  first  time  that  he  is  a  poor,  needy,  lost  sin- 
ner. 0  that  God  would  speak  peace  to  his  soul,  and 
bring  him  out  a  little  cliild,  humble,  teachable,  de- 
voted, Christlilve." 

"  Sept.  12. — People  begin  to  ply  me  with  argu- 
ments to  stay  with  them  at  least  until  spring.    Some 


VISIT  TO  CANADA.  121 

tliink  it  impossible  that  I  have  yet  three  years  to 
study.  They  present  various  considerations,  which 
I  confess  I  find  it  hard  to  resist.  They  bid  me  look 
at  their  condition — no  regular  preaching,  wickedness 
prevailing  ;  then  they  speak  of  their  unanimity,  and 
plead  the  pecuHarity  of  the  Scotch,  Irish,  Enghsh, 
and  Americans,  and  say  that  even  if  they  can  get 
another  to  labor  among  them,  he  may  overthrow  all 
the  good  that  has  been  done ;  a  part  may  like  him 
and  the  rest  not.  They  appeal  to  my  sense  of  duty. 
They  wish  me  not  to  decide  at  once,  to  think  of  it, 
to  pray  over  it.  0  that  they  would  look  to  God 
mstead  of  man.  He  can  send  them  a  minister  after 
liis  own  heart." 

Alluding  to  his  prayer  for  the  conversion  of  one 
hundred  souls  at  the  comm.encement  of  the  last  num- 
ber of  his  diary,  he  says,  "  Had  I  been  faithful,  I 
have  no  doubt  God  would  have  made  me  thus  useful. 
But  alas,  my  barrenness.  God  would  have  me  bring 
forth  much  fruit.  I  feel  that  I  have  neglected  many 
precious  opportunities,  now  lost  for  ever.  Surely  I 
am  an  unprofitable  servant.  0  that  I  may  hereafter 
have  more  of  the  spirit  of  my  Master,  who  went 
about  doing  good.  May  I  have  more  of  his  humility, 
more  of  his  love — undying,  quenchless  love  for  souls." 

"  Sept.  15. — Great  numbers  at  church  to-day. 
This  afternoon  the  seats  nearly  filled,  though  it  rain- 
ed.    This  morning  the   chapel  crowded  to  excess. 


122  CHARLES   H,   PORTER. 

Many  came  tliree  or  four  miles,  and  some  even  far- 
ther. All  were  attentive  and  solemn  as  the  truth 
was  spoken  and  the  great  worth  of  the  soul  brought 
to  view.  Many  a  tear  told  the  feelings  of  the  heart. 
0  that  God  would  speak.  Then  would  they  hear 
and  live.  Christians  seem  somewhat  revived  and 
strengthened." 

*'  Sept.  16. — Mr.  B.  prayed  in  liis  family  last 
night  for  the  first  time.  He  has  formerly  been  a 
deist,  and  though  one  of  the  most  intelligent  men  of 
the  place,  yet  he  would  cavil,  and  even  swear.  He 
took  the  Bible  last  evening,  and  read  those  passages 
which  he  had  formerly  cavilled  at  and  openly  denied, 
confessed  before  his  family  that  they  were  true,  and 
explained  theh  meanuig.  He  read  and  talked  a  long 
while,  weepmg  all  the  time.  His  daughter,  though 
pious,  could  hardly  believe  her  own  eyes  and  ears. 
Every  one  is  greatly  surprised.  His  wife  has  been  a 
bad-tempered  woman,  but  she  is  said  to  be  greatly 
changed.  Two  persons  from  the  tamieiy  went  as 
usual  to  the  tavern  for  liquor,  but  the  tavern-keeper 
sent  them  ofi',  telling  them  that  he  would  sell  no 
more  hquor  on  the  Sabbath :  one  step  I  hope  to- 
wards Bomethuig  better.  Scarcely  ever  before  has 
he  been  known  to  go  out  to  meetmg,  but  yesterday 
he  attended  morning  and  afternoon,  and  is  said  to 
have  felt  deeply.  A  woman  walked  two  or  three 
miles  this  mornuig  to  inquire  about  the  salvation  of 


VISIT  TO  CANADA.  123 

her  soul.  Though  she  has  long-  been  a  member  of 
the  kirk  of  Scotland,  yet  she  says  she  feels  herself  to 
be  a  poor  lost  sinner,  and  never  has  felt  so  before. 
Surely  the  Spirit  of  the  Lord  is  in  the  midst  of  this 
people.     0  that  they  may  come  to  Christ  and  live." 

"  Sept.  18, — A  great  many  at  meeting  last  even- 
ing, even  old  Mr.  L.,  whose  face  I  never  expected  to 
see  in  the  chapel." 

He  next  mentions  a  visit  to  a  place  called  West- 
ley  ville,  where  he  found  a  congregation  of  about  sixty 
persons,  and  says  many  of  them  had  intended  coming 
over  to  his  meetings  on  the  Sabbath,  but  were  pre- 
vented by  the  rain.  He  speaks  of  a  young  lady  as 
"  determined  by  the  grace  of  God  to  devote  her  hfe 
hereafter  to  his  service."  The  people  wished  him  to 
stay,  and  many  who  had  never  before  been  out  to 
the  meetings  attended.  He  says,  hkewise,  that  he 
sent  word  to  another  place,  which  he  called  the  hot- 
bed of  iniquity,  that  "  if  they  would  appoint  a  meet- 
ing," he  would  hold  one  there ;  to  which  they  returned 
an  answer  that  they  would.  Speaking  of  them  he 
observes,  "  They  work  on  the  Sabbath  ;  the  proprie- 
tor is  said  to  be  an  extremely  bad  character."  The 
leading  men  are  described  as  infidels,  and  many  of 
Paine's  and  Fanny  Wright's  works  were  circulated 
and  read  there.  He  writes,  "  Heard  the  other  day 
that  they  were  dreading  me,  and  went  up  among 
them  visiting.     As  they  were  probably  expecting  me 


124  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

to  begin  to  argue  and  pull  down  their  opinions,  I 
said  nothing  on  the  subject — let  it  alone,  and  made 
a  pleasant  visit  among  them  ;  and  the  next  evening 
quite  a  number  came  down  to  the  meeting." 

He  alludes  also  to  some  things  which  he  feared 
would  divert  them  from  the  truth ;  mentions  other 
conversions,  and  notices  the  meetings  as  crowded, 
and  then  liis  record  at  this  place  breaks  off  abruptly, 
so  that  we  are  in  ignorance  of  the  further  results  of 
his  labors.  Probably  he  left  there  m  time  to  com- 
mence his  theological  studies  at  the  beginning  of  the 
usual  term,  as  we  next  find  him  at  the  Yale  Theo- 
logical Seminary,  October  28,  1839. 

In  his  entry  of  this  date,  after  mentioning  that  he 
had  given  a  five  dollar  gold  piece  to  the  cause  of 
benevolence,  he  says,  "  Do  not  know  as  I  have  done 
right,  as  I  owe  some  money  wliich  ought  to  be  paid 
in  the  course  of  a  few  months.  But  I  found  this 
on  the  walk,  and  it  seemed  as  if  I  had  a  right  to 
give  it  away.  If  necessary,  I  can  pay  all  by  selling 
my  books. 

"  Set  apart  this  day  for  fasting,  humihation,  and 
prayer,  in  reference  to  the  tract  district  and  personal 
holiness.  I  need  far  more  of  the  spirit  of  my  Master. 
I  feel  that  I  am  living  at  a  poor  dying  rate.  0  that 
I  may  be  more  holy,  and  be  the  means  of  leadhig 
many  to  Christ." 

His  next  entry  shows  his  solicitude  as  to  the  field 


LIFE  IN  THE  SEMINARY.  125 

of  his  future  labors,  and  refers  all  to  the  disposal  of 
the  great  Head  of  the  church. 

"  Nov.  17. — 0,  when  my  mind  really  takes  hold  of 
the  great  and  rapidly  increasing  West,  it  seems  as  if 
I  should  be  doing  wrong  to  go  to  Canada.  Were  it 
not  for  the  fact  that  people  will  go  west  who  will  not 
go  to  Canada,  and  that  Canada  is  almost  entirely 
overlooked,  I  should  not  think  of  it.  But  why  do  I 
thus  think  so  much  of  the  field  of  my  labor  ?  Per- 
haps the  good  Shepherd  will  take  me  home  before 
three  years  have  passed  away." 

During  the  winter  vacation  he  was  again  occupied 
in  laboring  in  a  revival.     Thus  he  says, 

"Feb.  4,  1840. — For  the  last  few  days  I  have 
been  attending  a  meeting  at  North  Haven.  The 
Lord  seems  to  be  doing  a  great  work  there." 

To  the  fidelity  and  success  of  his  labors  in  North 
Haven,  to  which  he  thus  briefly  and  modestly  alludes, 
the  Rev.  Leverett  Griggs,  then  the  pastor,  bears  the 
following  testimony. 

"  My  acquaintance  with  brother  Porter  commenced 
durmg  an  extensive  and  powerful  revival  of  religion 
among  the  people  of  my  charge.  Hearing  of  the 
religious  interest  that  existed  here,  he  came  to  enjoy 
the  scenes,  and  see  if  he  could  be  of  any  service 
in  social  meetings.  The  church  were  assembled  for 
prayer  the  hour  he  arrived.  Without  any  uitroduc- 
Uon,  he  entered  the  meeting  and  took  part  with  the 


126  CHARLES   H.   PORTER. 

brethren.  His  frank,  open,  warm,  and  generous  heart 
made  many  friends  aknost  immediately.  He  spent 
several  weeks  in  the  place,  when  the  revival  was  at 
its  height,  and  visited  us  frequently  for  many  months 
afterwards.  "Whenever  he  was  here  he  was  abun- 
dant in  labors,  attending  prayer-meetings  and  confer- 
ences, and  conversmg  from  house  to  house. 

"  His  efforts  were  blessed  to  many  souls.  His  in- 
strumentality was  very  important  in  increasing  and 
perpetuating  a  proper  state  of  feeling  in  the  church. 
He  became  familiarly  acquainted  with  nearly  all  its 
members,  and  with  most  of  the  young  converts.  They 
loved  him  much,  as  they  had  reason  to  do  ;  for  they 
had  been  greatly  interested  and  benefited  by  his  la- 
bors. In  consequence  of  his  efforts  many  professors 
were  quickened,  some  impenitent  persons  awakened 
and  converted,  and  almost  all  the  young  converts 
received  such  useful  instructions  from  him  publicly 
and  in  private,  that  the  name  of  Charles  H.  Porter 
will  be  held  by  them  m  everlasting  remembrance. 

"  "While  speaking  of  his  labors  among  my  people, 
I  must  not  omit  to  mention  his  teachable  disposition, 
and  the  deference  he  uniformly  paid  to  the  ministry. 
All  liis  movements  were  calculated  to  strengthen  my 
hands  and  cheer  my  heart,  and  increase  the  attach- 
ment existing  between  the  pastor  and  the  people. 
He  manifested  no  desire  to  take  the  direction  of  af- 
fairs, but  was  always  ready  to  receive  counsel,  aud 


LIFE  IN   THE  SEMINARY.  127 

serve  wherever  he  could  he  rendered  useful.  He  had 
a  passion  for  domg  good ;  his  heart  was  full  of  he- 
nevolence ;  it  shone  in  his  countenance,  and  marked 
liis  life  daily.  I  scarcely  ever  met  with  one  who 
does  with  his  might  *  whatsoever  his  hand  findeth  to 
do,'  in  such  a  degree  as  did  hrother  Porter.  '  He 
was  a  turning  and  sliining  hght.' " 

About  tliis  time  Mr.  Porter  mentions  that  for  some 
weeks  he  had  been  attenduig  a  meeting  ui  New 
Haven  on  Saturday  afternoons,  to  pray  for  a  bless- 
ing on  the  tract  distribution,  and  for  a  revival  of 
rehgion.  Fmally  several  of  the  tract  distributers 
commenced  a  meetmg  once  a  week  in  a  very  wicked 
neighborhood.  These  meetings  were  doubled,  so  that 
they  met  twice  a  week,  and  a  revival  was  the  conse- 
quence. "  Some  eight  or  ten,  perhaps  more,  in  that 
district,  hope  they  have  found  a  Saviour." 

He  was  also  engaged  a  part  of  the  time  in  a  re- 
vival of  religion  at  Wallingford.  In  a  letter  to  a 
friend,  written  from  North  Haven,  he  says, 

*'  I  ought,  in  such  a  favorable  situation  as  this,  to 
grow  in  grace.  I  can  be  of  little,  very  httle  use 
without  it.  You  know  I  have  but  little  natural  tal- 
ent, and  all  that  I  can  ever  hope-to  acCompHsh  must 
be  through  divme  grace  alone.  Therefore  pray  that 
God  may  use  me  for  his  own  glory.  He  can  bless 
small  talents,  if  fully  consecrated  to  his  service.  May 
the  Lord  Jesus  reign  supreme  in  our  hearts." 


128  CHARLES  II.   PORTER. 

In  April  he  seems  to  have  been  somewhat  depress- 
ed, as  he  thus  writes,  at  the  begimiing  of  tliis  month, 
*'  Alas,  alas,  where  am  I  ?  I  feel  that  for  months  I 
have  been  straying  from  the  Lord.  My  time  has 
been  wasted,  my  devotions  have  been  too  much  neg- 
lected and  irregular,  and  my  heart  hard.  God  has 
been  heaping  favors  upon  me,  and  I  have  been  un- 
grateful. A  miserable  minister  should  I  make  with 
such  a  heart.  0  that  I  may  begin  anew.  Lord,  aid 
me  in  cultivatmg  hohness." 

His  next  entry  is  May  15,  1840.  "Revival  still 
continues  at  North  Haven.  Conversions  occurring 
almost  every  week.  Several  have  mdulged  hope 
within  the  last  two  weeks.  Brother  G.,"  the  pas- 
tor, "sick,  and  I  am  worn  down.  Leave  soon,  to  be 
gone  a  fortnight.  My  purse  runs  very  low,  but  God 
can  provide."  God  did  provide  ;  for,  in  a  letter  a  few 
weeks  after,  he  says,  "  Twelve  dollars  were  handed 
me  this  day  by  brother  G.  of  W.  It  was  entirely 
unexpected,  but  exceedingly  welcome." 

He  again  speaks  of  his  "  thoughts  turning  towards 
Canada  ;"  says  he  "  awoke  before  three  o'clock  think- 
ing of  it,  and  could  not  sleep  agaui ;"  longs  "  to  know 
God's  will,  to  be  blessed  with  a  deeper  work  of 
grace "  in  his  heart,  and  to  have  "  a  closer  walk 
with  God ;"  mourns  over  liis  iuM^ard  corruption,  and 
prays  earnestly  for  humility  as  a  crownuig  grace  in 
wliich  he  feels  himself  greatly  deficient ;  and  adds, 


LIFE   IN   THE  SEMINARY.  129 

that  his  soul  "  sweetly  melted  at  the  idea  of  Christ's 
death  for  the  ungodly,"  and  at  his  own  infinite  obli- 
gations to  his  Saviour. 

In  a  letter  to  a  friend  who  was  in  poor  health, 
dated  July  30,  he  says,  "  How  well  it  is  that  we 
do  not  hold  our  destinies  in  our  own  hands.  If  we 
are  disappointed,  our  hopes  wither,  and  we  fade  as  a 
leaf;  but  God  is  not  disappointed,  and  he  sees  that 
our  afflictions,  wliich  for  the  present  are  not  joyous 
but  grievous,  will  afterwards  yield  the  peaceable 
fruits  of  righteousness  to  them  who  are  exercised 
thereby.  Pray  for  a  spirit  which  is  contented  to  be 
sick.  It  requires  more  grace  to  be  patient  and  will- 
ing to  be  sick,  than  to  be  active  m  the  cause  of  Christ 
when  well ;  and  I  have  sometimes  thought  that  per- 
haps God  afflicts  his  children  to  show  to  worldhngs 
the  excellency  of  a  rehgion  wliich  can  make  them 
happy  even  in  adverse  circumstances.  This  carries 
to  the  heart  of  the  worldling  the  truth  of  the  excel- 
lency of  religion.  It  shows  him  that  he  has  nothing 
to  compare  with  it,  and  leads  him  perhaps  unac- 
countably to  respect  if  not  desire  it.  Sickness  af- 
fords an  opportunity  to  exercise  many  graces  wliich 
are  not  caUed  forth  in  health  ;  and  it  is  often  observed 
that  those  who  are  ripest  for  heaven  are  those  who 
have  been  through  the  fiery  furnace.  Who  knows 
but  some  part  of  our  character  which  will  afibrd  us 
tlie  liighest  happiness  in  heaven,  must  be  developed 

Mem.  Porter.  9 


130  CHARLES   H.   PORTER 

by  afflictions  on  earth.  And  how  much  more  deeply 
can  they  sympathize  with  Christ,  who  receive  a  por- 
tion of  such  afflictions  on  earth  as  he  endured ;  for 
'  he  was  a  man  of  sorrows,  and  acquainted  with 
grief  He  knows  well  how  to  sympatliize  with  you, 
for  '  he  knoweth  our  frame,  he  remembereth  that  we 
are  dust.'  *  As  a  father  pitieth  his  cliildren,  so  the 
Lord  pitieth  them  that  fear  liim.'  If  we  feel  so 
deeply  for  you,  how,  think  you,  does  Christ  feel? 
"WTiat  a  blessing  to  have  such  a  Friend  to  whom  we 
can  go." 

In  a  little  more  than  a  year,  the  person  addressed 
stood  beside  Mr.  Porter's  dying  bed. 

A  day  or  two  after,  Mr.  Porter  writes  agam  to  the 
same  friend.  "  The  Lord  permitted  me  this  morn- 
ing to  enjoy  one  of  the  most  sweet  and  refreshing 
seasons  with  which  I  have  been  favored  for  a  long- 
time. I  felt  that  I  could  give  myself  to  him  entirely, 
and  let  him  do  with  me  as  he  pleased.  It  seems  to 
me  that  it  would  be  the  severest  trial  that  could 
befall  me,  to  be  shut  out  from  preaching  the  gospel. 
But  I  hope  I  can  say,  '  Thy  will  be  done.'  It  seems, 
as  if  it  would  be  the  greatest  privilege  God  could 
bestow  to  allow  me  to  preach.  I  can  hardly  realize 
that  he  will  permit  mc,  so  mean,  so  deffled  with  sin, 
so  ignorant  of  his  will,  to  stand  in  the  pulpit  and 
proclaim  salvation  to  a  lost  world,  l^ray  for  me, 
that  I  may  be  baptized  of  the  Holy  Ghost.     Some- 


LIFE  IN   THE  SEMINARY.  131 

times  I  long  to  get  out,  and  were  it  not  for  tlie  deep 
consciousness  of  my  almost  entire  unfitness  for  tlie 
work,  nothing  that  I  know  of  would  stop  me.  I 
have  felt  to-day  like  a  bird  with  its  wings  cHpped 
and  caged  for  tv/o  years  in  order  to  give  the  feathers 
time  to  grow." 

A  few  extracts  from  letters  to  friends  may  partially 
supply  the  deficiency  created  by  the  want  of  entries 
in  his  diary  at  this  period.  The  first  year  of  his  the- 
ological education  was  closed,  and  he  had  commenced 
his  second.  In  writing  to  his  friend  D.,  in  answer 
to  the  question,  "  How  do  you  succeed  ?"  he  says, 

"Nov.  17,  1840. — I  hardly  know  what  to  say. 
As  to  my  piety,  I  feel  sensibly  that  I  have  but  little. 
I  am  poorly  qualified  to  preach  the  gospel  oi  Jesus, 
as  I  expect  soon  to  do.  My  soul  needs  to  lean  far 
more  on  the  Beloved ;  I  need  to  learn  of  him,  to 
walk  with  him,  to  be  imbued  with  liis  Spirit,  and  to 
be  filled  with  his  grace.  I  think  I  have  desires  for 
more  holiness,  and  that  I  love  to  commune  with 
Jesus,  and  that  I  try  to  walk  with  him.  Yet  I  am 
ashamed  of  myself,  and  feel  miserably  qualified  for 
the  great  work  before  me.  Yet  God  can  help.  I 
have  httle,  very  little  confidence  in  human  learning 
without  the  teachings  of  the  Spirit.  Learning,  and 
talents,  and  eloquence  are  but  vanity  without  the 
power  of  God  to  seal  the  truths  of  his  word  on  the 
hearts  and  consciences  of  men.     I  have  no  hope  of 


132  CHARLES   H.  PORTER. 

doing  good  Avithout  the  constant  presence  and  assist- 
ance of  that  great  Being  in  whose  cause  I  am  en 
gaged  ;  but  with  his  ahnighty  aid,  surely  much  may 
be  done.  When  therefore,  dear  brother,  you  pray  for 
me,  pray  that  I  may  be  clothed  with  humility,  be 
filled  with  liis  Spirit,  and  live  in  such  a  way  that 
God  can,  through  me,  accompHsh  his  purposes  in  the 
salvation  of  men." 

From  a  letter  to  another  friend  in  New  York,  dated 
December  10,  1840,  we  take  a  few  extracts.  After 
thankhig  him  for  liis  timely  aid,  he  says,  "  Never 
have  I  been  so  pressed  for  means  as  since  I  entered 
the  Theological  seminary.  Yet  the  Lord  has  dealt 
bountifully  with  me."  Alluduig  to  a  severe  bereave- 
ment which  his  friend  had  suffered,  he  expresses  his 
sympathy,  and  says, 

"  We  have  the  richest  consolation  in  the  death  of 
your  dear  wife.  She  is  now,  as  we  hope,  singmg  the 
songs  of  Zion  ;  yes,  tunmg  her  golden  harp  to  praise 
Kmg  Immanuel ;  and  for  ought  we  know,  she  may  be 
looking  forward  to  the  happy  period  when  she  wdl 
hail  you  as  havmg  passed  the  dark  valley,  and  ready 
to  unite  with  her  in  singing  the  songs  of  redeeming 
love.  She  may  even  now  be  ministermg  to  your 
wants.  She  may  witness  your  deep  aflhction,  and 
see  how  it  is  working  out  for  you  *  a  far  more  exceed- 
ing and  eternal  weight  of  glory.'  As  we  know  not 
exactly  how  mind  acts  on  mind,  and  as  we  are  many 


LIFE  IN  THE   SEMINARY.  133 

times  influenced  by  other  minds,  who  have  them- 
selves premeditated  and  brought  about  a  given  course 
of  action,  while  we,  it  may  be,  thought  the  whole 
execution  our  own  ;  so  perhaps  those  who  have  gone 
to  heaven  may  influence  us,  may  in  some  way  pre- 
sent motives  which  will  lead  us  to  a  certain  course 
of  action.  It  is  possible  that  the  angels  who  watch 
over  souls,  and  carry  back  the  glad  tidings  to  heaven 
of  a  shiner's  conversion,  and  the  great  cloud  of  wit- 
nesses, Heb.  12  :  1,  who  were  once  saints  on  earth, 
Heb.  11,  may  influence  us;  and  it  is  possible  that 
your  dear  companion,  who  is  now  one  of  that  '  great 
cloud  of  witnesses,'*  may  be  watchhig  over  and  bless- 
ing you.  Whether  this  be  so  or  not,  there  is  One 
who  is  far  superior,  far  better — even  Jesus — who 
watches  over  you ;  and,  dear  brother,  though  he  try 
you  ui  the  deep  furnace  of  affliction,  yet  it  is  best,  to 
purify  and  purge  away  the  dross,  and  fit  you  for 
heaven.  Those  who  have  no  afflictions  may  be  back- 
ward to  leave  earth ;  but  the  deeper  the  trials,  the 
more  exceedingly  precious  will  be  the  delivery  from 
them." 

On  the  occasion  of  the  same  death,  Mr.  Porter  ad- 
dressed a  letter  to  the  mother  of  the  deceased. 

"  Gone  to  rest.  Happy  spirit !  0  what  a  treasure 
have  you  now  in  heaven.  Did  you  love  before  to 
think  of  Jesus,  of  the  spirits  of  the  just  made  per- 
fect in  heaven  ?  methinks  you  now  have  an  addi- 


134  CHARLES  H.  PORTER. 

tional  treasm-e  there.  The  shepherd,  when  he  can- 
not drive  his  sheep  from  the  lowlands  to  the  moun- 
tain tops  to  feed,  can  easily  cause  them  to  follow  him, 
by  taking  a  lamb  in  his  arms  and  leadmg  the  way. 
So  with  the  great  Shepherd  of  Israel.  If  he  find 
that  we  love  to  dwell  beloiv,  he  can  soon  call  us 
upward  m  our  thoughts  and  feelings,  by  transplant- 
ing a  lamb  into  the  paradise  of  God.  Yes,  my  dear 
sister,  I  believe  that  God  cuts  off  these  creature  com- 
forts, that  our  pathway  to  the  tomb  may  be  more 
easv,  that  we  may  have  a  more  ardent  attachment 
to  the  heavenly  world,  that  our  feelings  may  be  sub- 
dued, and  that  we  may  by  these  trials  be  the  better 
prepared  for  the  rest  which  remaineth  for  the  people 
of  God. 

"  I  am  glad  to  mingle  my  S3rmpathies  and  prayers 
with  yours  on  tliis  occasion.  There  is  another  also 
who  will  sympatliize  with  you.  It  is  He  who  wept 
at  the  grave  of  Lazarus ;  He  who  hath  '  borne  our 
griefs  and  carried  our  sorrows,'  who  was  '  wounded 
for  our  transgressions,  and  bruised  for  our  iniquities.' 
Yes,  Jesus  will  sympathize  with  you,  and  you  will 
not  be  forgotten  by  the  holy  One  of  Israel ;  for,  '  like 
as  a  father  pitieth  liis  children,  so  the  Lord  pitieth 
them  that  fear  him.'  And  he  will  never  '  afflict 
■vyilhngly,  nor  grieve  the  children  of  men.'  Nor  will 
he  be  unmindful  of  our  frailty,  for  '  he  remembereth 
that  we  arc  dust.'  " 


LIFE  IN   THE  SEMINARY.  135 

An  interesting  letter  to  his  friend  D bears 

date,  New  Britain,  Dee.  18,  1840.     He  writes, 

"  You  may  ask  why  I  am  here.  About  three 
weeks  since,  a  revival  commenced  in  this  place,  and 
has  been  pecuHarly  interesting  for  about  two  weeks. 
How  many  conversions  there  have  been  I  am  unable 
to  say,  but  the  number  is  large,  and  there  are  many 
anxious.  The  pastor  being  in  feeble  health,  sent  to 
the  seminary  for  assistance.  Dr.  Taylor  recom- 
mended the  young  man  to  apply  to  me.  According- 
ly I  have  come  here  to  spend  a  few  days  in  a  most 
interesting  work  of  grace.  I  shall  not  probably  re- 
main more  than  a  weelc,  if  I  do  as  long.'? 

"  Dec.  19. — I  spent  the  forenoon  yesterday  in  visit- 
ing from  house  to  house  in  one  of  the  outer  districts- 
I  found  some  converts,  and  many  either  thoughtful 
or  anxious.  At  half  past  two  they  met  in  a  school- 
house.  I  talked  to  them  about  the  judgment.  The 
house  was  very  full,  and  the  people  solemn ;  many 
tears  fell,  and  it  was  manifest  that  God  was  there. 
In  the  evening  a  meeting  was  appointed  for  those 
who  had  lately  hoped,  and  those  who  were  anxious. 
It  appears  that  the  interest  has  greatly  increased 
within  a  week,  for  upon  the  same  evening  of  last 
week  but  about  tliirty  were  present,  and  last  evening 
there  were  about  seventy.  They  were  of  all  classes 
and  ages,  though  not  many  were  above  forty  or  fifty 
years  old.     There  were  many  young  men,  heads  of 


13&  CHARLES   II.   PORTER. 

families,  and  some  of  the  most  respectaMe  and  influ- 
ential in  the  place.  Many  feel  deeply,  and  we  hope 
that  the  Holy  Spirit  will  lead  them  to  Christ." 

After  answering  some  inquiries  of  his  friend  respect- 
ing his  pecimiary  wants,  he  adds, 

"  After  all,  I  consider  these  trials  as  nothing,  abso- 
lutely nothing,  in  comparison  with  the  great  object 
before  me.  I  am  really  quite  ashamed  to  speak  of 
them.  I  would  cheerfully  undergo  all,  and  a  hun- 
dred times  more,  to  have  the  inestimable  and  glorious 
privilege  of  laboring  for  my  dear  Hedeemer.  Floods 
of  tears  roll  down  my  cheeks  as  I  think  of  being  per- 
mitted to  labor  as  an  ambassador  in  his  vineyard. 
Oh,  how  I  bless  the  Lord  my  God  for  leading  me  to 
that  decision.  Next  to  the  period  when  I  gave  my 
soul  to  Christ,  I  count  that  the  most  sacred  and 
blessed  moment  of  my  life,  in  which  I  consecrated 
myself  to  the  great  work  of  the  ministry.  It  was  a 
great  struggle  to  give  up  for  ever  the  idea  of  wealth, 
of  ease,  of  worldly  comfort ;  to  think  of  bemg  depen- 
dent on  charity  for  nine  long  years,  and  of  living  in 
poverty  all  my  life ;  but  0,  the  blessedness  of  that 
moment  I  Never,  never  have  I  regretted  it.  My 
peace  has  at  times  flowed  like  a  river,  and  God  has 
been  pleased — 0  yes,  I  desire  to  say  it  in  humility 
and  praise — my  God  has  been  pleased  greatly  1o 
bless  my  poor  eflbrts  to  do  his  will.  I  weep  as  I 
think  of  his  wonderful  kindness,  of  his  great  coiule- 


LIFE  IN  THE  SEMINARY.  137 

scenslon.  It  seems  wonderful  that  lie  sliould  so  sig- 
nally bless  one  so  poorly  qualified  to  labor  for  him, 
one  so  sinful ;  but,  praise  to  his  name,  he  has  blessed 
me,  and  seldom  has  he  permitted  me  to  labor  a  sin- 
gle week  in  a  place  without  giving  me  souls  for  my 
liire.  It  makes  me  ashamed,  to  think  of  my  deep 
ingratitude  and  the  poor  returns  which  1  have  made 
to  him ;  but  0,  it  comforts  ntie  to  think  that  God 
loves  his  dear  Son,  and  though  we  are  infinitely  un- 
worthy, yet,  for  his  sake,  he  will  be  pleased  to  bless 
us.  It  is  a  great,  great  comfort  that  God  can  use 
'  the  weak  tilings  of  this  Avorld  to  confound  the 
mighty.'  I  am  conscious  of  the  inferiority  of  my 
natural  talents.  I  am  aware  that  many  of  my 
brethren  have  far  superior,  and  I  bless  God  for  it. 
I  ask  for  not  one  more  than  I  have.  All  I  ask  is, 
that  he  will  give  me  grace  properly  to  improve  them. 
Feelmg  thus,  it  is  a  great  comfort  to  think  he  can 
make  use  of  them,  though  feeble,  to  promote  his 
glory." 

On  entermg  another,  and,  as  it  proved,  the  last 
year  of  his  life,  his  feelings  seem  to  have  turned  with 
increased  strength  to  the  conversion  of  his  parents 
and  relatives.  In  a  letter  to  his  father,  dated, 
"  Hartford,  Jan.  7,  1841,"  he  writes, 

"  My  dearly  beloved  Father — You  are  proba- 
bly aware,  that  ever  since  my  conversion  to  God,  I 
have  had  great  anxiety  for  my  beloved  friends.     My 


138  CHARLES   II.  rORTER. 

prayers  have  ascended  day  and  night  for  their  con 
version.  I  acknowledge  that  I  have  not  prayed  as 
much  as  I  ought,  or  as  earnestly  as  I  might,  nor 
have  I  had  that  faith  in  God  w^hich  I  ought ;  yet,  by 
his  grace,  I  will  continue  to  pray  for  them,  but  for 
you  m  particular.  Morning,  evening,  and  at  noon, 
will  I  pray  to  God  that  he  will  convert  your  soul 
to  himself  You  have  ever  been  to  me  a  kind  father ; 
and,  excepting  pious  instruction,  the  best  of  fathers. 
I  hope  ever  to  return  a  grateful  heart,  but  can  never 
hope  to  repay  the  trouble  wliich  I  have  cost  you. 

"  I  know  not  what  I  can  do  better,  or  how  to 
make  a  better  return,  than  to  ask  my  heavenly  Fa- 
ther to  bless  you,  to  give  you  a  new  heart,  to  shed 
abroad  his  Holy  Spirit  upon  your  soul,  to  give  you 
the  unspeakable  consolations  of  religion.  I  hope 
Boon  to  see  a  neiv  family  in  Christ;  to  see  my  dear 
father,  whose  locks  are  whitened  with  more  than 
threescore  years,  taking  the  Bible  from  its  long  re- 
pose, reading  the  word  of  God  to  his  family,  kneel- 
ing before  the  mercy-seat  in  the  midst  of  them,  and 
imploring  pardon  and  a  blessing.  Oh, .  I  imagine 
that,  by  the  eye  of  faith,  I  behold  the  joy  of  a  family 
redeemed.  Yes,  God  is  faithful,  and  in  hinr  I  trust. 
My  dear,  dear  father,  shall  not  God  be  praised  in 
our  family  ?     As  ever,  I  remain, 

"  Your  affectionate  and  beloved  son, 

"CHARLES." 


LIFE  IN  THE  SEMINARY.  139 

These  extracts  have  been  introduced  not  only  as 
descriptive  of  Mr.  Porter's  tender  faithfulness  to  those 
whom  he  loved,  and  who  he  feared  were  still  un- 
reconciled to  God,  but  in  the  hope  that  those  alike 
who  knew  him,  or  Avho  were  strangers  and  who  may- 
read  these  pages,  may  breathe  forth  their  prayer  for 
the  object  on  which  his  heart  was  so  much  set — the 
spiritual  welfare  of  his  friends  at  home.  His  own 
lip*  are  now  sealed  in  silence  ;  but  the  record  of  his 
feelings  may  be  the  means,  through  the  prayers  of 
others,  of  brmging  to  pass  that  dearest  wish  of  his 
heart. 

In  another  long  letter,  dated  Jan.  27,  1841,  he 
urges  the  subject  again  on  his  father's  attention,  and 
uses  the  most  earnest  expostulation  to  induce  him  to 
examine  it  as  it  deserved.     He  says,  in  closing, 

"  Alas,  alas,  that  a  child  should  take  the  place  of  a 
parent ;  but  0,  I  must  do  it,  and  entreat  you  by  the 
deathless  interests  of  your  own  immortal  soul ;  by 
the  value  of  the  souls  which  God  hath  committed  to 
your  charge,  and  for  which  you  must  give  an  ac- 
count ;  by  all  that  is  dear  for  time  and  eternity,  that 
you  will  neglect  tliis  subject  no  longer.  Forgive  me, 
if  I  have  said  any  thing  to  wound  your  feelmgs,  but 
I  do  plead  most  earnestly,  that  you  will  not  reject 
the  salvation  which  has  been  pur#hased  by  the  blood 
of  the  Son  of  God.  Oh,  my  father,  m.j  father,  can 
you  reject  Jesus  Christ,  that  blessed  Saviour,  who  for 


140  CHARLES   11.   PORTER. 

the  sins  of  men  has  bled  and  died  ?  Will  you  refuse 
to  worship  in  your  family  that  God  on  whom  you 
are  dependent  for  every  hreath  you  draw,  and  for 
every  blegsing  you  enjoy?" 

About  the  same  time,  probably,  as  the  letter  is  not 
dated,  he  wrote  a  long  letter  to  his  mother,  full  of 
argument  and  counsel,  and  the  most  urgent  and  af- 
fectionate entreaty.  He  concludes  this  letter  in  these 
words :  » 

"  For  months,  if  I  mistake  not,  have  I  borne  our 
beloved  family  on  my  heart  to  God  m  prayer,  morn- 
ing and  evening ;  nor  do  I  mean  to  cease  till  they 
are  either  converted  to  God,  or  we  are  laid  cold  and 
lifeless  in  the  tomb. 

"  BeUeve  me  to  retain,  as  ever,  the  most  deep, 
sincere,  and  ardent  affection  for  my  beloved  mother ; 
and  may  God  permit  us  yet  to  reign  together,  heirs 
of  God  through  Jesus  Christ  our  Lord,  during  the 
ceaseless  ages  of  eternity. 

"CHAELES  H.  PORTER." 

There  was  now  evidently  a  growmg  earnestness 
in  his  endeavors  to  become  fitted  for  the  great  work 
before  him.  He  felt  that  ere  long  he  must  come  forth 
as  a  commissioned  servant  of  God  to  preach  to  dying 
souls.  He  had  a  deep  sense  of  the  responsibility  un 
der  which  he  was  ^o  be  placed,  and  trembled  at  the 
thought  of  his  own  deficiency.  In  a  letter  to  a  friend 
to  whom  he  was  accustomed  to  unveil  his  feelings 


LIFE  IN   THE   SEMINARY.  141 

in  the  most  intimate  manner,  dated  Hartford,  Jan. 
18,  he  writes, 

"  I  think  that  I  am  learning  slowly  how  to  live. 
I  have  not  studied  the  word  of  God  sufficiently. 
The  key  to  the  proper  study  of  the  Bible  is  found  m 
Proverbs  2:1-6.  I  have  not  taken  up  religion  as 
the  great,  only,  and  all-absorbing  subject,  and  read 
my  Bible  and  sifted  it,  and  '  cried  after  knowledge,' 
and  '  searched,'  as  I  ought.  Alas,  how  can  I  ever 
be  a  minister  of  Christ  ?  I  must  make  it  my  busi- 
ness to  follow  the  leadings  of  the  Spirit,  learn  God's 
word,  and  how  to  apply  it  to  the  hearts  of  men  ;  and 
why  may  not  God  make  use  of  me  in  the  salvation 
of  thousands  ? 

"  Alas,  I  know  I  am  a  worm ;  a  poor,  weak  ves- 
sel. But  God  is  pleased  to  use  the  weak  things  of 
the  world  to  confound  the  mighty ;  and  I  am  more 
and  more  convinced,  that  it  does  not  require  great 
talents  to  convert  this  world  to  God.  No,  only  let 
the  common  talent  be  consecrated  to  God,  and  he 
can  work  mightily  to  the  pulUng  down  of  strong  holds. 
0,  that  the  few  talents  the  Lord  has  been  pleased  to 
give  me,  may  be  entirely  consecrated  to  his  service ; 
then  I  am  certain,  that  he  could  greatly  use  them 
to  his  glory.  I  never  can  be  the  instrument  of  lead- 
ing thousands  to  Christ  without  great  consecration. 
0,  that  I  might  be  so  filled  with  love  to  God,  have 
so  ardent  an  attachment  to  the  blessed  Jesus  and  to 


142  CHARLES   H.  PORTER. 

jjoor  dying  souls,  that  all  my  time,  all  my  talents, 
all  my  bodily  and  mental  powers  shall  be  entirely 
and  for  ever  devoted  to  his  service." 

In  Mr.  Porter's  next  letter  to  his  friend  D , 

Feb.  10,  18il,  acknowledging  the  receipt  of  clothing 
and  money,  for  Avhich  he  is  most  grateful,  he  says, 
"  I  have  for  many  months  groped  m  darkness,  not 
knowing  wliich  way  to  turn,  and  sometimes  thinli- 
ing  that  I  should  have  to  reluiquish  months  and  per- 
haps a  year  or  more  of  study ;  but  I  have  reason  to 
bless  the  Lord  that  he  has  permitted  me  the  prospect 
oi  co?n2)lcti7ig  my  studies.  You  Imow  I  have  always 
been  an  advocate  for  a  thorough  course,  and  I  have 
no  reason  to  regret  that  I  have  prosecuted  mine,  be- 
ginning at  the  foundation,  though  it  requires  some 
patience,  and  makes  me  rather  old."  "  Time  is  fly- 
ing ;  and  what  I  do  must  be  done  quickly.  A  few 
short  years,  and  we  shall  be  standing  before  God  in 
judgment." 

In  a  letter  to  the  same  friend,  dated  March  22, 
he  says, 

"My  health  is  hardly  as  good  as  usual.  My 
strength  has  been  exhausted  in  revivals  of  religion. 
"When  I  returned  from  Hartford,  I  was  requested  to 
give  the  Park-street  church,  in  New  Haven,  an  ac- 
count of  the  revival.  I  did  so.  They  then  wished  a 
meeting  the  next  evening.  I  consented.  Then  they 
wished  another ;  and  so  on,  tlirough  the  week.     At 


LIFE  IN   THE  SEMINARY.  143 

the  close  of  the  week,  God  seemed  evidently  to  be  in 
the  midst  of  us ;  the  church  seemed  to  feel  so,  and 
some  were  serious  and  inquiring  what  they  should  do 
to  be  saved.  Soon,  a  little  boy  was  indulging  a  hope ; 
also  a  medical  student,  and' a  class-mate  who  gradu- 
ated with  me  ;  but  my  throat  became  sore,  and  the 
doctor  said  I  must  give  up  laboring  altogether." 

He  then  speaks  of  the  powerful  revival  which  was 
in  progress  in  the  city,  by  which  multitudes — infidels, 
Universalists,  drunkards,  and  gamblers  even — were 
awakened  and  turned  to  God.  Of  his  health,  he 
adds,  "  I  apprehend  nothing  serious.  If  I  could  be 
contented  to  rest  a  little  by  and  by,  I  think  my  sys- 
tem would  be  restored  to  its  accustomed  elasticity. 
If  I  am  careful,  I  presume  I  shall  find  no  further  dif- 
ficulty." He  writes  also,  that  he  had  been  expecting 
to  get  a  license  to  preach,  but  that  on  further  con- 
versation with  his  instructors  he  concluded  to  delay 
it  till  the  regular  time,  the  next  summer.  It  must 
have '  been  a  severe  trial  to  Mr.  Porter  to  be  so  laid 
aside  from  successful  labor,  at  a  time  when  there  was 
so  general  an  interest  in  the  subject  of  religion. 

The  followmg  extracts  are  from  a  letter  to  his 
mother,  dated  March  26  : 

*'  My  dearly  beloved  Mother — It  seems  as  if" 
every  revolving  year  increased  my  affection  for  you. 
It  may  be  only  because  I  become  more  sensible  of 
the  afi^ection  which  has  always  existed.    I  have  been 


144  CHARLES   H.  PORTER. 

expecting  to  visit  home  in  a  few  days,  but  I  shall 
probably  now  postpone  it  till  vacation.  My  pecun- 
iary affairs  are  in  a  better  state  than  they  have  been 
for  years.  I  have  received  this  winter  and  spring 
about  a  hundred  and  seventy-five  dollars,  which  has 
more  than  paid  off  all  my  debts.  A  hundred  and 
fifly  dollars  of  this  I  may  perhaps  return,  if  I  ever 
get  able  ;  but  if  not,  it  will  not  be  required. 

"  My  health  I  do  not  thmk  as  good  as  usual. 
One  reason  is,  that  I  have  been  somewhat  exhausted 
in  revivals,  and  another  undoubtedly  is,  that  '  I  have 
great  heaviness  and  continual  sorrow  in  my  heart 
lor  my  brethren,  my  kindred  according  to  the  flesh.' 
Romans,  chap.  9."  He  proceeds  as  usual  with  the 
most  tender  and  urgent  expostulation,  labormg  as 
one  who  must  give  account  of  liimself  to  God — with 
great  plainness  and  seriousness  setting  forth  the  truth 
as  it  is  in  Christ,  and  manifesting  how  deeply  he 
longed  to  have  those  whom  he  loved,  sharers  in  the 
same  belief  and  blessings  which  were  his  own. 

"  April  4. — Enjoyed  this  day  one  of  the  sweetest 
communion  seasons,  if  not  the  very  sweetest,  that  I 
have  ever  enjoyed;  even  sweeter,  if  possible,  than 
in  the  days  of  my  espousals  to  Christ.  My  inter- 
course with  God  for  some  weeks  has  been  greatly 
increasing.  Sweet,  heavenly  peace  has  frequently 
filled  my  heart.  I  have  nevertheless  felt  totally  uii 
worthy  to  preach  the  gospel ;  and  it  seems  frequently 


LIFE  IN  THE  SEMINARY.  145 

as  if  God  could  not  honor  me  so  higlily  as  to  let  me 
preach  and  win  souls  to  him.  A  great  revival  is 
now  in  progress  in  this  city.  Hundreds  have  already 
indulged  hope ;  perhaps  fifty  or  sixty  in  college ; 
many  hardened,  abandoned  uifidels  in  town  are  also 
converted." 

In  aU  these  scenes  Mr.  Porter  rejoiced  greatly,  and 
bore  an  active  part.  He  spent  his  vacation  in  his 
native  place,  where  he  sought  with  more  than  usual 
activity  to  make  his  influence  felt  as  a  Christian, 
and  to  awaken  a  deeper  interest  in  the  people  of  God. 
After  having  obtained  the  concurrence  of  the  pastor 
of  the  church,  he  attended  and  led  in  some  neigh- 
borhood conferences  and  prayer-meetings.  But  he 
was  too  much  exhausted  to  prosecute  his  design,  and 
was  obliged  to  a^bandon  it. 

On  May  3d,  he  writes  to  a  friend,  from  Norwich, 
"  Pray  for  me,  for  I  greatly  need  your  prayers.  I 
never  recollect  having  felt  such  trials  ;  I  never  have 
been  borne  down  with  a  sense  of  the  worth  of  pre- 
cious immortal  souls  as  I  have  for  those  in  this  parish. 
It  has  seemed  sometimes  as  if  I  should  sink,  for  it 
may  almost  be  said  by  every  impenitent  man,  '  No 
man  careth  for  my  soul  V  Perhaps  you  say,  '  What 
do  you  intend  to  do  ?'  I  intend,  by  the  grace  of  God, 
*  in  the  morning  to  sow  the  seed,  and  in  the  evening 
to  withhold  not  the  hand,  inasmuch  as  I  know  not 
whether  shall  prosper,  either  this  or  that,  or  whether 

Mem.  VoTter.  1  0 


146  CHARLES   H.  PORTER. 

both  shall  be  alike  good.'  Mme  is  the  labor,  the 
result  is  God's." 

Ill  a  letter  to  liis  friend  D ,  June  12,  Mr.  Por- 
ter mentions  a  project — which  he  had  been  for  some 
time  maturuig,  and  to  which  he  had  made  occasional 
allusions — of  devoting  liimself  to  missionary  service 
in  Iowa.     He  says, 

"  I  am  thinking  of  being  licensed  about  the  first 
of  next  month  ;  then  I  hope  to  study  another  month 
or  six  weeks  ;  after  which,  for  two  or  three  months,  I 
should  be  glad  to  supply  some  pulpit."  "  I  should 
be  glad  to  have  you  mquire  of  Mr.  Badger  respecting 
home  missions.  I  have  been  tliinking  of  late  of  going 
to  the  West,  perhaps  the  far  Yv^est,  beyond  the  Mis- 
sissippi, to  Iowa.  I  might  possibly,  if  absolutely' 
necessary,  go  this  fall,  though  the  strong  probability 
is,  that  if  I  go,  I  shall  not  leave  before  spring.  Is  it 
probable  that  next  sprmg  a  missionary  will  be  want- 
ed for  Iowa  ?  If  so,  at  what  place,  etc.  ?  I  have 
thought  that  I  should  like  to  devote  some  time  in 
preacliing  on  home  missions,  till  the  people  get  inter- 
ested in  the  subject.  It  seems  to  me  that  New  Eng- 
land is  all  asleep  m  regard  to  home  missions.  It 
rejoices  my  soul  to  hear  that  the  Society  are  going 
to  try  to  raise  $50,000  more  this  year  than  the  last. 
I  wish  it  could  be  $500,000  ;  and  if  the  people  of 
New  England  felt  half  the  obligation  which  rests 
upon  them,  they  would  give  it.     It  seems  to  me,  tliat 


LIFE  IN   THE  SEMINARY.  147 

unless  Christians  of  this  country  are  wilUng  to  sacri- 
fice much  to  preserve  our  religious  privileges  and  hand 
them  down  to  posterity,  G  od  will  overthrow  our  bless- 
ed institutions,  and  curse  us  with  spiritual  famine  and 
desolation  from  one  end  of  the  land  to  the  other. 

"  If  the  Lord  should  ever  see  fit  to  send  me  to  the 
West,  I  have  been  thinking  whether  there  are  not 
twenty  merchants  who  would  combine  to  give  twen- 
ty dollars  each  to  support  me,  and  whether,  by  such 
an  example,  twenty  more  might  not  soon  be  found 
to  support  another,  and  twenty  mechanics  to  support 
another,  and  so  en  ;  or  whether  a  church,  or  tAvo 
or  three  churches,  might  not  combme  and  send  one. 
Might  not  some  such  plan  be  pursued,  so  that  great 
multitudes  might  be  sent  who  noAV  stay  here  ? 

"  I  have  not  yet  decided  to  go.  It  would  be  a 
very  great  grief  to  my  dear  parents  and  friends  to 
have  me  go  ;  but  0,  v/hen  I  tliink  of  the  coming 
myriads  that  are  soon  to  pass  through  that  great 
valley  on  their  way  to  judgment,  I  ought  to  be  will- 
mg  to  forsake  father  and  mother,  brother  and  sister, 
though  it  be  like  sundering  the  cords  of  fife.  My 
dear  brother  died,  a  year  after  graduating,  hundreds 
of  miles  from  liis  father's  house,  not  one  of  his  friends 
near  him  ;  and  if  I  were  to  go,  they  might  expect  me 
soon  to  follow  liim  ;  but  I  count  not  my  life  dear  to 
me,  as  I  humbly  hope,  if  so  be  that  I  may  win  Christ, 
and  souls  to  Christ." 


148  CHARLES  11.   PORTER. 

Mr.  Porter,  with  three  fellow-students,  was  licensed 
to  preach  the  gospel,  July  28,  1841,  by  the  Associa- 
tion of  New  London  county.  Speaking  of  this  event, 
he  writes,  under  this  date,  in  his  diary,  "  Thus,  after 
eight  years  of  continued  study  and  labor,  have  I  been 
permitted  by  the  grace  of  God  to  enter  on  this  holy 
callmg.  To  it  I  have  looked  with  great  delight,  and 
I  would  call  on  my  soul  and  all  that  is  within  me  to 
praise  and  bless  his  holy  name.  I  feel,  however, 
miserably  qualified  to  discharge  its  responsible  duties. 
I  feel  that  1  need  more  piety,  more  knowledge,  more 
judgment,  and,  in  short,  more  of  every  thing  that 
constitutes  a  good  and  useful  minister  of  the  Lord 
Jesus  Christ." 

In  confirmation  of  his  sense  of  responsibility  thus 
expressed,  a  friend  says,  "In  his  room  I  found  at- 
tached to  his  book-oase  door,  where  he  was  in  the 
habit  of  writing,  the  following  sentence  :  '  In  pre- 
paring sermons,  let  me  never  inquire  what  estimate 
men  will  put  upon  them  now,  but  how  God  will  re- 
gard them  at  the  judgment-day.'  " 

Another  says,  *'  In  the  last  interview  I  had  with 
him  before  his  being  licensed  to  preach,  observing 
how  pale  and  feeble  he  looked,  I  urged  him,  with 
Bome  degree  of  warmth,  to  take  care  of  his  health. 
*  If  I  should  not  live  long,'  said  he,  '  it  will  all  be 
well ;'  and,  after  pausing  a  moment,  he  added,  '  I 

FEEL  THAT  I  HAVE  BUT  ONE  OBJECT  TO  LFVE  FOR,  AND 


LIFE   IN   THE  SEMINARY.  149 

That  is,  to  take  as  many  souls  to  heaven  \\^TH  me 

AS  I  POSSIBLY  CAN.'  " 

The  Lord,  however,  saw  fit  to  remove  him  just  as 
he  was  stepping  on  the  thresliold  of  his  profession. 

A  few  records  in  his  diary,  and  a  short  extract 
from  a  letter,  are  all  that  we  have  to  add  before  we 
come  to  his  death-bed.  For  some  Sabbaths  after  his 
receiving  a  license,  he  preached  in  Terrysville.  This 
must  have  been  an  interesting  scene  of  labor  for  him. 
Here  he  had  been  the  m«ans  of  whining  souls  to 
Christ ;  this  people  had  taken  a  deep  interest  m  his 
success,  and  had  been  looking  forward  to  the  time 
when  they  should  enjoy  his  services  in  leading  their 
worship.  Now  that  wish  was  gratified.  The  clos- 
ing notices  of  liis  diaiy  are  all  dated  at  this  place. 
The  entries,  for  the  most  part,  are  brief,  but  they 
show  the  labors  hi  which  he  was  engaged,  and  the 
subjects  of  his  discourses. 

"  Terrysville,  July  31. — Left  Norwich  29th  inst., 
and  intended  to  have  been  here  yesterday  ;  but  some 
of  my  friends  in  Hartford,  who  had  formerly  lived  in 
"West  Hartford,  urged  me  to  go  out  there  and  preach 
last  evening,  as  they  had  no  minister.  Preached 
from  John  15:4,'  Abide  in  me.'  " 

"Aug.  1. — Preached  in  the  morning  from  Acts 
27  :  31,  *  Except  these  abide  in  the  ^hip,'  etc. ;  after- 
noon, from  Amos  6:1,  'Woe  to  them  that  are  at 
ease  in  Zion.'     All  dead.     Scarcely  a  conversion  for 


150  CHARLES   H.   PORTER. 

three  years.  Can  learn  of  but  two  during  that 
period. 

"Aug.  3. — Tuesday  evening  meeting — pretty  good 
number  out.  Preached  from  Heb.  13  :  17,  '  They 
Avatch  for  souls.'  Solemn,  but  nothing  special.  Have 
been  writing  durmg  the  forenoons  on  Heb.  2:3,*  How 
shall  we  escape,'  etc.  Yisited  some  families  in  the 
afternoons.     Find  here  and  there  a  person  serious. 

"  Aug.  5. — Preached  this  evening  on  Town-liill, 
from  Eccl.  11  :  6,  'In  the  morning  sow  thy  seed,' 
etc.  Greatly  favored — ^preached  remarkably  easy — 
quite  a  good  number  out. 

"Aug.  6. — Preached  at  the  centre  school-house, 
from  Titus  1:16,'  They  profess  that  they  know  God,' 
etc.     Room  dark — body  fatigued — dull. 

"  Aug.  7. — Fmished  sermon.  AVorked  at  it  all 
the  forenoons  of  the  week,  and  a  great  part  of  the 
afternoons.  Needs  another  week  of  labor  to  make 
it  a  decent  sermon.  Visited  somewhat  during  the 
week — find  a  little  seriousness.  Some  Christians  are 
feeling  more.     Some  begin  to  think  about  a  revival. 

"  Aug.  8,  1S41. — Tliis  day  am  thirty  years  of  age. 
Is  it ])0ssidle?  How  time  flies.  A  few  days,  and  I  am 
gone.  Tliirty  years  I  Perhajys  I  may  live^^-c  years 
more.  Lord,  so  teach  me  to  number  my  days  that 
I  may  apply  my  heart  unto  wisdom.  Preached  from 
Heb.  2  :  3,  in  the  morning.  Very  solemn  ;  many 
tears,  especially  towards  the  close.     Aftemoon,  sub- 


LIFE  IN   THE   SEMINARY.  151 

• 

ject,  the  rich  man  and  Lazarus.  More  solemn  and 
still.  Tears  all  over  the  house.  Some  reason  to 
hope  that  God  is  about  to  revive  his  work.  Even- 
ing, preached  from  Prov.  28  :  13,  'He  that  covereth 
his  sins,'  etc.  It  was  an  awfully  solemn  time  to 
many.  0  that  God  may  break  their  hearts  and  lead 
them  to  himself  He  only  knows  what  he  intends 
to  do.  0  that  he  would  send  down  the  Holy  Spirit, 
and  do  his  own  blessed  work.  One  female  professes 
to  have  given  her  heart  to  the  Saviour.  If  it  is  so,  to 
God  be  all  the  honor,  praise,  and  glory,  world  with- 
out end.     Amen. 

"  Aug.  9. — A  meetmg  v/as  appointed  tliis  evenmg 
for  those  who  wished  to  converse  particularly  on  the 
subj  ect  of  religion.  Eleven  were  present — all  young. 
Nearly  all  felt  deeply,  and  tliree  or  four,  about  sixteen 
or  eighteen  years  of  age,  seemed  to  think  they  had 
consecrated  themselves  to  the  Lord.  May  the  Lord 
preserve  them,  and  lead  them  to  be  his  smcere  follow- 
ers.    A  number  are  serious  who  were  not  present." 

Tliis  is  the  last  entry  in  Mr.  Porter's  diary.  He 
left  Terrysville  soon  after  this  on  a  visit  to  liis  broth- 
er, then  residing  in  Syracuse,  N.  Y.  His  state  of 
health  probably  rendered  this  necessary. 

In  giving  an  account  of  this  visit,  his  brother  says, 
*'  After  taking  tea  on  Friday  evening,  August  20,  we 
went  to  a  singing-school,  and  afterwards  stepped  into 
a  temperance  meeting,  the  first  of  the  Washingtonian 


152  CHARLES   H.   PORTER. 

efforts  in  that  place.  After  reaching  home,  the  bells 
rung  for  fire.  We  started,  but,  before  reaching  the 
place,  turned  to  go  home,  as  the  fire  seemed  to  be 
subsiding,  when  suddenly  we  heard  the  explosion  of 
Qunpowderr 

Tliis  was  that  dreadful  event,  the  account  of  which 
was  pubhshed  at  the  time  in  the  public  journals, 
which  occasioned  the  death  of  twenty-five  persons. 
Mr.  Porter  preached  on  the  evening  of  the  following 
Sabbath,  in  the  Rev.  Dr.  Lansing's  church.  The 
next  week  he  left  for  Kew  Haven,  A  short  extract 
from  a  letter  to  a  friend,  dated  at  Cooperstown,  Ot- 
sego county,  Aug.  27,  1841,  probably  on  liis  return, 
gives  us  his  last  record. 

"  0  that  we  might  always  be  submissive  to  oui 
Father's  will  ;  that  our  thoughts  and  desires  might 
all  be  in  conformity  to  his  sovereign  pleasure.  I  have 
yet  to  learn  the  M^ay  of  holhiess.  How  poorly  pre- 
pared am  I  to  preach  the  gospel.  Pray  that  I  may 
be  a  workman  rightly  dividing  the  word  of  truth, 
and  that  I  may  win  souls  to  Christ." 

Mr.  Porter,  on  his  arrival  at  New  York,  made 
some  appointments  to  preach,  but  was  suddenly 
called  to  New  Haven  by  the  sickness  of  a  friend. 
He  there  took  cold,  while  watching  with  a  sick  child. 
This  was  followed  by  a  dysentery,  from  which  he 
never  recovered.  The  account  of  his  sickness  and 
death  will  be  given  in  the  next  chapter. 


THE  CLOSING  SCENE.  153 

CHAPTER  IX. 

THE   CLOSING  SCENE. 

We  have  thus  traced  Mr.  Porter  from  his  entrance 
into  the  fold  of  Christ,  through  the  difficulties  he  had 
to  encounter  in  his  preparatory,  collegiate,  and  theo- 
logical studies,  to  his  becoming  a  commissioned  ser- 
vant of  the  Redeemer.  We  have  seen  him  beginning 
to  preach  the  gospel  in  public,  and  maturing  his  plans 
to  become  a  missionary  to  the  far  west.  We  now 
come  to  his  sick-bed  and  dymg  hour. 

There  is  a  natural  desire  ui  the  human  bosom  to 
know  how  a  fellow-being  dies.  The  death-bed  is  ever 
a  solemn  place  where  lessons  may  be  gathered  for  the 
living  ;  and  that  of  the  Christian  especiallj  presents 
scenes  that  sometimes  border  on  heaven.  It  is  not 
the  privilege  of  all  to  rise  triumphantly  in»raptures 
of  delight  and  with  visions  of  glory  full  before  them, 
or  to  siiLk  calmly  to  rest,  undisturbed  by  pain,  and 
peaceful  as  the  infant's  slumber.  There  is  the  aching 
brow,  the  painful  sense  of  debiUty,  and  the  distracted 
mind,  from  which  even  the  child  of  God  is  not  ex- 
empted. Nor  is  it  necessary  that  a  peaceful  and 
quiet  death-bed,  or  a  scene  of  surpassing  triumph  in 
the  last  hour,  should  crown  the  well-spent  life. 
Whitefield,  in  reference  to  his  dying  testimony,  ons^ 
remarked  that  he  had  preached  Christ  a  living  teS- 


154  CHARLES   H.   PORTER. 

timony.     Such  had  been  the  aiin,  in  all  liis  labors, 
of  Charles  H.  Porter. 

The  closmg  scene  of  Mr.  Porter's  life,  however, 
was  deeply  interesting.  Two  accounts  have  been 
furnished  by  different  individuals,  both  of  which  will 
here  be  given.  The  former  of  these  is  somewhat 
general,  and  traces  the  progress  of  the  disease  till  its 
fatal  termuiation  ;  the  latter  is  a  fuller  and  more  par- 
ticular description  of  the  state  of  liis  mind  during  his 
illness  and  in  the  prospect  of  death. 

"  Mr.  Porter  returned  to  New  Haven  from  New 
York,  Saturday  evening,  September  4,  1841.  The 
week  following,  and  the  next  week  until  Friday,  he 
spent  with  sick  friends  in  New  Haven  and  North 
Haven,  and  with  gratitude  saw  them  recovering  from 
the  borders  of  the  grave.  On  Friday  he  began  to 
complain,  of  illness,  and  on  Saturday,  Sept.  18,  was 
obliged  to  take  his  bed.  His  disease — dysentery — at 
first  assumed  a  very  mild  form. 

"  On  Wednesday  morning,  the  22d,  there  appeared 
to  be  a  great  excitement  of  the  nervous  system,  which 
caused  much  suffering,  and  continued  in  a  greater  or 
less  degree  until  Friday  afternoon,  the  24th,  when  it 
mcreased  so  much  as  for  three  hours  to  deprive  him 
of  reason.  His  mind  at  tliis  time  seemed  occupied 
with  the  work  to  which  he  had  consecrated  hiHi' 
self     His  desire  was  to  preach,  and  his  efforts  to  do 


THE  CLOSING  SCENE.  155 

it  SO  great  as  entirely  to  exhaust  his  remaining 
strength. 

"  On  Wednesday  he  first  spoke  of  his  situation  as 
being  one  of  danger.  Viewing  it  thus,  he  said, '  Had 
I  served  Christ  as  I  ought,  my  disease  would  not  give 
me  any  anxiety.'  When  asked  if  it  did,  he  replied, 
*  Not  much.'  " 

A  friend  who  spent  the  day  with  him  on  Thurs- 
day, thus  writes  :  "On  Thursday  morning  I  found  Mr. 
Porter  so  low  from  faintness  as  to  he  unable  to  con- 
verse. After  some  time  he  said,  in  a  low  whisper, 
'  I  will  talk  with  you  as  soon  as  I  have  recovered 
from  my  faintness.'  About  an  hour  after,  finding  he 
was  somewhat  revived,  I  asked  him  if  he  thought  he 
should  recover.  He  replied,  '  I  have  thought  so,  but 
I  do  not  feel  as  well  this  morning  ;  yet  the  doctor 
speaks  encouragingly,  and  I  thmk,  with  good  care,  I 
shall  soon  be  better.' 

"  He  was  rather  restless  until  two  o'clock  P.  M., 
when  he  fell  asleep  and  slept  quietly  for  about  ten 
minutes.  He  awoke  in  great  distress,  sprang  up  in 
the  bed,  and  said  he  was  dymg.  He  called  for  some 
•members  of  the  family,  who  came  immediately  into 
the  room,  when  he  bade  them  farewell,  said  he  was 
called  unexpectedly  away,  but  added, '  It  is  all  right ; 
I  only  desire  to  live  to  preach  the  gospel,  but  God 
knows  what  is  best.'  I  said  to  him,  '  I  think  you  are 
not  dying,  and  Ihope  that  the  Lord  has  work  for  you 


156  CHARLES   H.    PORTER. 

to  do  on  earth  ;  if  so,  he  will  raise  you  up.'  He 
replied  with  much  earnestness,  and  with  a  counte- 
nance more  expressive  than  language,  '  God  has  work 
in  heaven  for  his  children.'  I  said,  '  There  is  a  world 
to  be  converted  through  human  instrumentality,  and 
I  hope  you  vn.]!  be  spared  to  labor  for  its  conversion.' 
He  repUed,  '  I  have  unconverted  friends  for  whom  I 
have  labored  and  prayed,  but  without  effect,  and  my 
death  may  be  the  means  employed  for  their  conver- 
sion ;  if  so,  I  shall  not  die  in  vain.'  He  then  left  a 
message  for  his  parents,  brother,  and  sisters. 

"  During  the  evening,  as  he  lay  with  liis  eyes 
closed,  apparently  asleep,  I  remarked  to  a  friend  sit- 
ting with  me,  that  Mr.  Porter  had  not  left  his  work 
to  be  done  when  he  entered  the  ministry,  but  had 
labored  during  all  his  preparatory  course.  He  open- 
ed his  eyes,  and  said,  '  It  was  poor  labor,  but  God  has 
accepted  it.' 

"  At  another  time  he  said,  '  Tell  my  parents  I  am 
not  sorry  I  prepared  for  the  ministry.  I  commenced 
my  studies  without  knowing  how  I  should  get  along  ; 
but  God  has  raised  me  up  friends  in  a  wonderful 
manner.  I  have  always  been  provided  for ;  and  if 
God  calls  me  a^'-ay  just  as  I  am  ready  to  preach,  it 
is  because  it  is  best.' 

"  I  called  again  on  Saturday  and  found  him  fail- 
ing. Upon  my  inquiring  how  he  felt,  he  replied, 
*  Not  as  well  as  I  was  when  you  left  me  yesterday 


THE  CLOSING  SCENE.  157 

morning.  I  tliink  God  designs  to  take  me  home 
soon.'  'Has  death  any  terrors  to  you?'  'No,  not 
any.  I  rely  on  the  merits  of  Clirist  alone.  I  have 
no  righteousness  of  my  own.' 

"On  Sabbath  morning  as  I  entered  his  chamber 
he  gave  me  liis  hand  with  a  smile,  and  in  reply  to 
my  mquiry  how  he  was,  he  said,  '  Shghtly  better  than 
I  was  yesterday,  but  a  great  deal  better  than  I  was 
that  dreadful  Friday.'  His  recollection  of  those  hours 
vras  painful  in  the  extreme.  He  feared  lest  he  had 
said  and  done  tlihigs  that  would  do  hurt — that  were 
dishonorable  to  rehgion.  The  assurance  that  he  was 
not  accountable  for  what  he  did  at  that  time,  seemed 
to  impart  rehef  and  comfort :  '  I  knew  God  would 
not  lay  it  up  against  me,  but  was  afraid  of  the  effect 
upon  those  present.'  He  spoke  of  its  bemg  the  Sab- 
bath, listened  with  emotion  and  apparent  pleasure 
to  the  rmging  of  the  church-bells,  and  remarked, 
'  I  shall  enjoy  the  day,  because  it  is  the  Sabbath.' 
Through  the  day  he  lay  far  more  quiet  than  on  any 
preceding  day,  entermg  mto  no  conversation  except 
as  necessity  required. 

"  About  half  past  five  P.  M.  he  suddenly  raised 
himself  in  bed  and  desired  to  walk  across  the  floor, 
but  as  suddenly  lay  back  again,  when  it  was  evident 
that  death  had  fastened  his  icy  hand  upon  liim,  and 
congealed  the  fountain  of  life ;  the  silver  cord  was 
loosed,  the  golden  bowl  breakmg,  the  spirit  fluttering 


158  CHARLES   H.   PORTER. 

on  the  confines  of  time,  the  threshold  of  eternity. 
For  two  hours  he  remained  insensible,  at  the  close  of 
which  he  revived,  and  hke  Bunyan's  pilgrim,  vidien 
about  half  way  through  the  Jordan  of  death,  he  stood 
awhile  and  talked  to  his  companions  that  had  waited 
upon  him  thither.  Precious  moments  were  they  to 
those  gathered  in  that  chamber  of  death,  and  the  re- 
membrance of  them  is  sweet.  After  those  hours  of 
converse  he  agam  became  insensible,  and  about  half 
past  eleven  his  spirit  returned  to  Him  Avho  gave  it. 

"  Carrying  out  the  great  desire  of  his  life — to 
preach — he  wished  the  words,  'Pr.Er^uiE  to  meet 
THY  God,'  put  upon  his  tombstone. 

"  Mr.  Porter  during  his  sickness  gave  directions 
concerning  the  disposal  of  his  effects,  makmg  provis- 
ion for  the  payment  of  his  debts  by  the  sale  of  liis 
hbrary,  and  designating  a  few  volumes  for  friends." 

The  following  account  was  furnished  by  a  friend 
of  Mr.  Porter,  who  visited  him  several  times  during 
his  sickness,  and  with  whom  he  conversed  more  free- 
ly than  with  any  one  else.  She  had,  through  his 
course  of  study,  been  to  him  as  a  mother,  and  was 
deeply  interested  in  all  liis  pursuits  and  interests. 

"  In  attempting  to  pen  some  of  my  recollections  of 
the  sick  and  dying  bed  of  our  dear  departed  friend,  I 
f?ol  hoAV  utterly  unable  I  am  to  convey  to  others  tho 
interest  I  have  felt.     One  must  have  seen  his  ani- 


TPIE  CLOSING  SCENE.  159 

mated  countenance,  irradiated  with  the  sweet  smile 
of  aflection,  and  heard  his  heavenly  expressions  of 
jo}iful  submission  to  the  will  of  God,  to  have  any 
adequate  impressions  of  the  scene.  To  repeat  now 
his  many  words  of  comfort,  peace,  and  joyful  antici- 
pation, seems  almost  a  vain  attempt.  They  came 
from  his  lips  with  such  an  unction,  that  to  be  per- 
mitted to  breathe  that  atmosphere  of  hght  and  love, 
seemed  quite  on  the  verge  of  heaven. 

"As  soon  as  I  learned  that  he  was  in  danger,  I 
hastened  to  him.  On  my  approach  to  his  bedside, 
extending  his  hand,  he  said  with  a  sweet  smile,  '  Ah, 
how  good  you  are  to  come  to  me  again.  Are  you 
able  to  sit  by  me  to-day  ?  I  have  much  to  say  to 
you,  as  the  Lord  shall  give  me  strength  to  say  it.' 
I  expressed  my  regret  to  see  him  worse,  and  said  I 
thought  that  he  was  going  to  recover.  '  I  thought 
so  too,'  said  he,  '  when  you  were  here  the  other  day; 
but  now  I  feel  that  God  has  other  designs  respecting 
me,  than  permittmg  me  preach  liis  gospel  on  earth. 
0,  how  I  have  longed  to  preach  the  glorious  gospel, 
and  try  to  save  souls  from  death.  You  know  how  I 
have  toiled,  and  labored,  and  prayed  for  it ;  and  nov/, 
just  as  I  was  entering  upon  the  work,  my  heavenly 
Father  is  going  to  lay  me  aside.'  I  said,  '  I  cannot 
think  so  ;  I  trust  tliis  sickness  is  not  unto  death.'  '  It 
may  not  be,'  said  he ;  '  but  my  prevailing  impression 
is,  that  my  work  on  earth  is  don^.     And  if  it  is  so. 


100  CHARLES  n.   PORTER. 

I  can  say  with  all  my  heart,  "  Thy  will,  0  God,  be 
done."  I  rejoice  to  be  in  the  hands  of  him  who  is 
infinite  m  wisdom,  and  who  does  all  tilings  well.' 

"  Seeing  me  much  aflected,  he  said,  '  Do  not  dis- 
tress yourself,  you  will  be  sick.  Are  you  not  willing 
that  I  should  go  home  ?  0,  the  glories  that  await 
me  in  my  Father's  house.  I  would  not  live  alway 
on  earth ;  would  you  ?'  On  my  saying  that  I  had 
hoped  to  trace  his  course  for  many  years  m  the  min- 
istry, he  replied,  '  If  God  has  any  thing  more  for  me 
to  do  on  earth,  be  assured  he  will  raise  me  up  and 
send  me  forth  to  do  it.  If  he  has  not,  I  do  not  wish 
to  live.  I  have  ever  felt  that  I  was  utterly  unwor- 
thy to  preach  the  glorious  gospel.  I  know,  I  feel, 
that  God  loves  his  cause  infmitely  more  than  I  do, 
and  he  knows  what  will  best  advance  its  interests. 
And  let  us  rejoice  that  all  power  is  in  his  hands,  and 
that  he  will  put  m  requisition  the  best  means  for 
carrying  on  his  purposes  of  love  and  mercy.  He  will 
raise  up  some  other  instrument  that  will  do  more 
than  I  should  have  done,  and  I  do  not  wish  to  have 
it  otherwise.  I  desire  to  lie  in  the  hands  of  my 
heavenly  Parent,  like  an  infant  m  the  hands  of  its 
mother.  I  have  no  will  of  my  own.  Let  thy  viill, 
0  God,  be  done,  and  I  am  more  than  satisfied,  I  re- 
joice in  it,  "When  I  look  back  upon  the  way  in 
which  I  have  been  led,  I  am  filled  with  wonder,  love, 
and  praise.     I  have  tried  to  acknowledge  God  m  all 


THE  CLOSING   SCENE.  IGl 

my  ways,  and  he  has  indeed  directed  me  in  a  way 
that  I  knew  not.  I  came  here  a  stranger,  and  knew 
not  how  I  was  to  he  provided  for.  He  has  raised 
me  up  friends  and  provided  for  all  my  wants.  *  Sure 
iy  there  is  no  want  to  them  that  fear  him.' 

"  I  begged  him  to  stop  talking,  and  rest,  as  I  feared 
that  he  would  exhaust  himself  With  one  of  his 
sweet  smiles,  he  looked  me  in  the  face  and  said,  '  Do 
not  say  I  must  stop,  for  if  you  say  so,  I  shall  have  to 
obey.  But  I  feel  no  mcluiation  to  sleep,  and  I  wish 
to  say  what  I  have  to  say,  while  I  have  strength : 
soon  it  wiU  be  too  late.  And  now,  will  you  hear 
what  I  wish  to  say  about  my  worldly  business  ;  and 

will  your  dear  husband  and  my  dear  Mr.  L see 

that  my  wishes  are  attended  to  ?'  I  assured  him 
that  they  should  be  cared  for. 

*'  After  giving  his  directions  concerning  them,  he 
said,  '  Now  sit  close  here,  and  let  me  tell  you  what  I 
want  you  to  say  to  my  dear,  dear  parents.  0,  how 
I  do  hope  my  life  may  hold  out  till  they  come.  "Will 
you  pray,  that  if  it  is  God's  will,  I  may  see  them  be- 
fore I  die.  If  I  am  gone  before  they  get  here,  tell 
them  how  I  love  them,  and  that  all  I  am  troubled 
about  on  my  death-bed  respecting  them  is,  that  they 
are  not  the  friends  of  my  Saviour.  None  but  God 
knows  how  I  have  desired  their  conversion.  I  feel 
that  I  have  done  all  that  I  could  do,  and  now  must 
leave  them  with  God.  0,  tell  them  my  dymg  re- 
Mem.  P«rter,  1 1 


162  CHARLES   H.    TURTEK. 

quest  is,  that  they  would  prepare  to  meet  me  m  heav- 
en. Oh,  I  cannot  bear  to  think  of  their  being  lost. 
Could  I  feel  that  my  father's  family  were  the  sincere 
followers  of  Jesus,  how  happy  should  I  be.'  After 
resting  a  few  minutes,  he  said,  '  Tell  my  dear  mother 
how  I  Avanted  to  see  her.  Tell  her,  that  I  beheve 
God  is  gomg  to  take  me  to  liimself,  and  make  my  death 
the  means  of  converting  some  or  all  of  the  dear  family 
at  home.  I  have  often  thought  it  would  be  easy  to 
die,  if  it  might  lead  them  to  repentance.  I  always 
loved  my  kuidred,  but  never  half  so  much  as  now.' 

*'  The  next  morning  he  told  me  that  he  had  got 
above  that  exceeding  anxiety  to  see  his  parents.  '  I 
can  now  rejoice,'  said  he,  '  to  leave  that  and  every 
other  care  with  my  Saviour.  If  it  is  liis  will,  I  shall 
be  glad  to  see  them  ;  if  not,  I  can  rejoice  in  that  too, 
lor  I  know  he  careth  lor  me.  All  my  cares  I  cast 
on  him.  I  lean  on  his  arm,  I  recline  on  his  bosom. 
0  the  inexpressible  sweetness  of  Jesus'  love.  It  !<; 
true,  it  is  more  than  true,  that 

"  Jesus  can  make  a  dying  bed 
Peel  soft  as  downy  pillows  arc." 

They  tell  us  of  the  dark  valley,  but  there  is  no  dark- 
ness here.  It  is  hght  and  glorious.  It  seems  as  if  light 
from  the  eternal  throne  streamed  down  and  illumin- 
ated the  whole  scene  around  me.  Every  body  an(J 
every  thmg  seems  lovely.  0  how  I  love  you  all  I  Did 
any  poor  unworthy  creature  ever  have  such  friends?' 


THE  CLOSING   SCENE.  163 

"  After  a  fainting-  turn,  wlien  I  applied  some  re- 
storative, he  said,  '  I  thought  I  was  gone,  but  here  I 
am  still  with  you.  How  is  it  you  know  what  I 
want  without  my  having  to  tell  you  ?  But  thus  it 
has  ever  been  that  my  Saviour  has  supphed  all  my 

need.     Give  my  best  love  to  J .     Tell  her  how 

much  I  thank  her  for  all  she  has  done  for  me.  Tell 
her  my  Saviour  will  reward  her,  and  though  I  do 
not  hve  to  do  good,  God  will  not  let  her  lose  her 
reward  for  all  she  has  done  from  love  to  iiis  cause. 
Tell  her  not  to  be  discouraged  nor  tire  in  her  labors 
of  love,  for  in  due  season  she  shall  reap  a  rich  har- 
vest, if  she  famt  not.' 

"  At  this  time  the  Rev.  Mr.  Ludlow  came  m.  'I 
am  glad  to  see  you,  brother  Ludlow,'  said  he.  '  I  feel 
as  if  I  had  got  almost  home.'  Said  Mr.  Ludlow,  '  I 
cannot  feel  yet,  as  if  you  had  done  with  earth.  I  think 
God  will  raise  you  up,  and  permit  you  to  do  much 
for  him  here  before  you  will  rest  from  your  labors.' 

*  It  is  not  impossible,'  said  he,  *  I  know,  but  I  do  not 
tliink  it  probable.  One  thing  I  know,  it  will  be  as 
I  wish  it  to  be,  just  as  my  heavenly  Father  pleases.' 

*  Brother  Porter,'  said  Mr.  Ludlow,  *  it  is  sweet,  is  it 
not,  to  lean  on  the  Saviour  and  commune  with  him  ?' 

*  Indeed,  it  is/  replied  our  friend,  with  a  most  de- 
lightful expression  of  countenance  ;  '  and  if  such  the 
stream,  0  what  will  the  Fountain  be,  when  I  shall 
gee  him.  a.s  he  is,  face  to  face,  and  serve  him  v/ithout 


164  CHARLES   H.  PORTER. 

weariness  and  without  sin  ?  0  when  shall  I  awake 
in  his  likeness,  and  be  satisfied?' 

"  He  inquired  after  two  young  friends,  members  of 
college,  who  were  absent  from  the  city,  and  expressed 
a  strong  desire  to  see  them.  '  Remember  me  most 
affectionately  to  them.  I  have  ever  loved  them 
dearly.  Tell  them  to  live  for  God  entirely,  to  give 
themselves  wholly  to  preparation  for  his  service.  I 
hope  they  will  do  much  to  advance  the  cause  of  holi- 
ness in  the  world.  I  do  hope  they  will  both  preach 
the  glorious  gospel.  Tell  them  to  be  careful  for 
nothing  in  this  world.  If  they  will  do  the  will  of 
God,  he  will  take  care  of  them.  Let  them  never  be 
ashamed  of  Christ,  but  dare  to  be  devoted,  decided 
Christians  in  college  and  eveiy where.  I  wish  I  had 
been  more  faithful  to  them  than  I  have  been.  I  hope, 
however,  to  meet  them  in  heaven,  where  there  is  no 

separation  for  ever.    0  be  faithful  to  your  little  E . 

Tell  her  I  want  her  to  be  a  Christian.  Train  'her 
for  God  and  for  heaven.  I  hope  she  will  be  a  mis- 
sionary yet.' 

"  At  another  time  he  spoke  of  the  many  favors  he 
had  received  during  his  college  course,  and  the  many 
friends  who  had  been  raised  up  for  him.  '  0  help 
me,'  he  said,  *  to  thank  them,  and  help  me  to  praise 
God  for  them.  "Surely  goodness  and  mercy  have 
followed  me  all  the  days  of  my  life."  How  wonder- 
ful, that  one  so  unworthy  should  have  received  such 


THE  CLOSING   SCENE.  165 

signal  mercies  as  I  have.'  To  one  who  inquired  if 
his  soul  was  in  peace,  he  said,  *  Ah,  yes,  more  than 
that,  '*  I  rejoice  with  joy  unspeakable  and  full  of 
glory."  I  would  not  exchange  situations  with  any 
of  you.  0,  the  condescension,  the  wonderful  love  of 
Jesus.  I  want  you  to  sing  his  praise.  I  have  often 
heard  of  Christians  telling  of  the  sweet  comforts  giv- 
en them  upon  a  dying  bed ;  but  I  never  could  have 
believed  them  so  sweet.  I  have  enjoyed  more  while 
on  this  bed,  than  in  all  my  life  before.  I  am  full  of 
happiness  to  overflowing.  I  seem  to  have  done  with 
prayer,  and  to  have  nothing  to  do  but  praise.' 

"  I  could  fill  many  sheets  with  his  expressions  of 
love,  joy,  and  praise.  But  they  were  thrown  out  in 
connection  with  things  too  personal  to  repeat,  with* 
out  "^olating  the  sacred  confidence  of  private  friend- 
ship. It  was  altogether  one  of  the  most  interesting 
scenes  I  ever  witnessed.  In  short,  it  was  just  such  a 
death  as  might  have  been  expected  after  such  a  life. 

"  From  the  first  of  my  acquaintance  with  him,  I 
was  struck  with  his  calm,  simple,  straightforward 
course.  It  was  ever  onward  and  upward.  He  dared 
to  be  a  whole-hearted  Christian.  Whatever  others 
did,  he  determined  to  serve  God  with  all  his  heart. 
He  came  among  us,  pursued  his  studies  ardently,  en- 
tered into  our  concerns,  gained  our  love  and  confi- 
dence, and  showed  us  that  it  is  possible  to  fulfil  all 
the  duties  of  life  with  fidelity,  and  yet  not  to  be  oi 


166  CHARLES   H.  PORTER. 

the  world  while  iii  it.  I  think  that  all  who  knew 
Charles  H.  Porter  needed  no  argument  to  convince 
them  of  the  reality  of  rehgion.  He  was  its  '  living 
epistle,  kno^\T.i  and  read  of  all  men.'  " 

The  followmg  ohituary  notice,  supposed  to  have 
been  Avritten  by  E,ev.  Mr.  Ludlow,  supplies  a  few 
additional  particulars. 

"  Died  at  New  Haven,  on  Sabbath  evenmg,  Sept. 
20,  1841,  Mr.  Charles  H.  Porter,  a  student  in  the 
Theological  Seminary,  and  lately  licensed  to  preach 
the  gospel.  To  those  acquainted  with  Mr.  Porter,  it 
will  not  be  a  matter  of  surprise  that  his  dymg  hour 
was  one  of  pecuUar  triumph.  His  piety  was  of  no 
ordinary  character.  Tlirough  his  college  course  it 
burned  with  unabated  fervor,  and  amidst  his  studies 
he  was  the  consistent  Christian.  Veiy  gi'eat  success 
ill  winning  souls  to  Christ  followed  liis  labors,  and 
very  many,  doubtless,  will  meet  hini  at  the  judg- 
ment-day, who  shall  'be  his  joy  and  the  crown  of 
his  rejoicing.' 

"  The  writer  of  tliis  communication  was  permitted 
to  walk  by  his  side  through  that  part  of  '  the  valley 
of  the  shadow  of  death,'  which  lies  upon  the  borders 
of  the  King's  country,  the  land  of  Beulah,  which  is 
illuminated  by  the  splendors  of  that  city,  of  which 
the  '  Lamb  is  the  hght.' 

"'Brother  Porter,'  said  I,  'do  you  think  you  are 


THE  CLOSING   SCENE.  167 

dying  ?'  With  much  composure  he  repKed,  *  Judg- 
ing from  my  feelings,  I  should' not  think  I  was ;  but 
my  judgment  tells  me  I  am.'  '  Have  you  any  pecu- 
liar views?'  said  I.  'No,  Christ  has  always  been 
sweet  to  me.  You  know  I  never  had  any  confidence 
in  death-bed  repentance  and  high  flights,  when  the 
hfe  had  been  wicked ;  but  I  cannot  see  why  a  per- 
son who  has  embraced  the  doctrines  of  Christianity, 
and  tried  humbly  to  live  up  to  them,  should  not  die 
peacefully.  I  have  often  heard  of  sweet  death-beds, 
but  I  never  knew  it  was  so  inexpressibly  sweet.  0 
it  is  sweet  to  live,  and  it  is  sweet  to  die.'  He  then 
left  messages  for  his  brethren  in  the  seminary,  his 
mother,  and  several  others.  His  friends  were  con- 
stantly administermg  to  him,  hoping  to  resuscitate 
his  sinking  frame.  '  You  are  trying,'  said  he,  '  to 
add  a  few  more  minutes  to  my  life,  but  I  would 

rather  hear  brother  L ask  me  more  questions 

and  draw  me  out.'  He  expressed  great  pleasure  in 
thus  testifying  for  his  Saviour.  He  then  asked  us  to 
sing ;  and  upon  being  requested  to  tell  us  what,  said, 

'  Jesus  can  make  a  dying  bed 

Feel  soft  as  dowiiy  pillows  are.' 

And  with  a  clear  voice  united  in  singing  the  whole 
stanza.  Tliis  is  but  part  of  the  precious  things  he 
said,  his  face  all  the  time  radiant  with  an  unearthly 
smile.  All  around  liim  felt  as  if  they  understood 
what  our  Saviour  meant,  when  he  said,  '  He  that 


168  CHARLES  H.   PORTER. 

liveth  and  believeth  in  me  sliall  never  die.^  Not 
one  fear  disturbed  his  last  moments.  "With  triumph 
he  exclaimed,  '  0  death,  where  is  thy  stmg  ?  0  grave, 
where  is  thy  victory  ?  The  sting  of  death  is  sin,  and 
the  strength  of  sm  is  the  law  ;  but  thanks  be  to  God, 
who  giveth  me  the  victory  through  my  Lord  Jesus 
Christ.'     His  sun  went  down  in  a  cloudless  sky 

'  Sweet  is  the  scene  where  Christians  die, 
Where  holy  souls  retire  to  rest ; 
How  mildly  beams  the  closing  eye, 
How  gently  heaves  th'  expiring  breast.'  " 

Since  his  death,  a  revival  has  taken  place  in  Nor 
wich ;  two  sisters  of  Mr.  Porter  are  among  the  con- 
verts, and  many  others  attribute  their  conversion  to 
impressions  originating  with  the  news  of  his  death. 
Thus,  in  this  providence,  God  has  spoken  eflectually 
to  the  hearts  of  some  who  knew  him,  and  who,  with- 
out it,  might  never  have  been  brought  to  repentance. 

His  body  slumbers  in  the  cemetery  at  New  Haven, 
where  a  plain  marble  monument,  erected  by  his  fel- 
low-students in  theology,  bears,  at  his  request,  the 
inscription,  "  PfvEpare  to  meet  thy  God."  And  it 
is  hoped,  that  not  only  his  gravestone  will  preach, 
as  he  wished  it  might  do,  this  solemn  admonition, 
but  that  liis  memoir  also  will  be  influential  in  bring- 
ing some  of  his  former  friends  and  acquaintance  to 
renew  their  friendship  with  him  in  the  presence  of 
God  in  heaven. 


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